Dear Aunt B,
I REALLY like this boy, but his dad is dating my mum, is that wrong? I told one friend but she doesn’t think its wrong but Im still not sure. I don’t know what to do … I’d love to kiss him but Im not confident, because I’ve never been asked out by a boy, flirted with or kissed one. There’s nothing wrong with me … I’m skinny, Long haired and I have a nice personality but no boy has ever taken interest in me … apart from the 10 year olds in my backstreet, but Im 13 and so is the boy I like. I don’t think Im pretty, but I thought of some suggestions for you to help me with: 1.Should I just say “I LIKE you.” And walk away. 2. Should I wear all sexy clothes and be confident because I wear baggy jeans, baggy tops and fleeces, apparently I have nice legs. Should I go all tight topped, short skirts and act sexy because I have those clothes just never wear them. I’d be comfortable in them if it would make him like me. I won’t change my personality but I need new clothes and a new attitude. I mean some boys like the sexy type of girl. 3. Should I20just kiss him and walk away – it will get the message across. 4. Should I wear the sexy clothes and kiss him. I love him; I’ve never felt this way about a boy before and Im desperate. I haven’t told any other friends and all the boys at school think Im frigid. I hate that, but if I did kiss him and he likes me back I wouldn’t want my mum’s boyfriend, my mum or my sister to find out. It would make me so happy if he likes me. Maybe if you could ask some boys around my age what they think it would help a lot. Please help ASAP.
Love struck and Unsure x
Dear Love struck and Unsure x,
The first thing that comes to my mind is to tell you to never change who you are to please anybody. Now, there's not a thing wrong with brightening up the package but I encourage you to continue to be you.
As well, I see nothing wrong with you liking this guy, even if his Dad is dating your Mum. I don't encourage it for a few reasons though. For one, if your Mum breaks up with his Dad, it may make it hard on you, on your relationship. And just as it might go the other way, where as your Mum might become serious with this fella, that scenario as well could present problems.
What I mean is the fact that if your Mum were to marry this guy, the guy you like would then become your step-brother. Then, it might be frowned upon because he then becomes family. It is not the first time this has happened and in fact, before my own step-brother became family because his Dad married my Mom, I had a crush on him. It then made it pretty weird and I no longer pursued anything more than friendship.
So these are a few things you should consider. Think it through and remember "there are millions of fish in the sea." What that means is that I would encourage you to realize that there are so many guys in the world for you to choose from, maybe you should not get involved with this one?
Now, if you feel you absolutely must because, as you said, "I love him; I’ve never felt this way about a boy before and Im desperate.," you'll have to keep in mind that this could open a whole can of worms, possibly making it difficult for all those involved. This is a decision only you can weigh or make.
The next thing I want to address is that you called yourself, "Frigid." I think you are far from that, I can just tell. I happen to believe that you were just not interested in any one guy up to this point. So don't be so hard on yourself.
Girls your age are often more mature than guys your age. It's a fact that for the most part, girls mature quicker than boys, too. But it's a truly wonderful age, one I enjoyed myself. I can also remember being sooooo in love with a certain guy and then the next week, viewing him as a complete dork and I'd wonder what did I ever see in him. Mark my words, you'll find yourself in the same situation.
At this age, you can be quite wishy washy, in love one minute, out of love the next. It's normal. Hormones run rampant and it's usually a time of exploration. You want to experience everything, especially what is considered "adult" stuff. And at 13 you find yourself wanting to be all grown up.
But being all grown up comes with so many disadvantages. If I could give you any advice it would be to not rush things. At this age, you already feel grown up, you might even believe you know it all. I know I did and I rushed towards doing all the adult things, if you will; Sex, Drugs and all the things that are supposed "adult" things.
I wrote about it here and I hope you will take the time to read it;
Growing up sucks, being an adult is so over rated. I implore you to at least read my answer to another teen as is a bit part of my story.
I can tell that you are a wonderful young lady, bright and bubbly, a bit misunderstood but one who stands firmly if you believe in something strongly enough. Yes, you are still a bit of a tomboy, so am/was I and I encourage you, as I stated before, to just be you.
Normally, you are never concerned with what people think of you. Suddenly because you like this guy, you want to change who you are. Be yourself at all times.
I see that right now, you are not sure who you are. You are still trying to figure this out. Let me tell you what I see;
(In the Zone)
"I see a young girl who has extremely strong values and beliefs. You are pretty and this is not even an 'Ugly Duckling' story. You can be hard on yourself which is good if it is about getting things done, i.e. homework and such. It is bad if you continue to be so harsh about your own looks. You have to keep in mind that right now, it is an awkward stage/age. You will grow out of all this and become the beauty that you can not see just yet. Continue to stand for the 'underdog' as you tend to do. All this will serve you later. You as well as your life will be successful if you do not lose track of what is important. I can see that if you fall into the pattern of putting things off, it will catch you un-awares. I can also see that you will have a problem with addiction if you do not say 'NO' loud and clear. Be proud that you march to a different drummer. You will always be the one your peers look up to if you continue to be strong. You are a leader, even though you can not see it. They do/will look up to you and you must be the strong one. See, you will and can affect so many lives if you use this strong backbone that you do/will have. If you remember that they are watching and looking to you for answers, if you continue to think things through before you do, it will serve you all the days of your life. It will also help countless others."
You have so much to offer and you must remember this!
Keeping It Real,