Dear Aunt Babz,
Okay so this is my first time writing you but okay so there's this guy who i've never been interested in, never found him attractive or anything. i met him once and i see him around school alot in between classes and at lunch but lately i've been really noticing him more and wanting to see him and talk to him. i don't talk to him much either, just say hey in the hall but i never cared until recently. now when i see him i try to put on my cutest face and my best attitude when he says hey and the times when he doesnt i worry if he didnt notice me. i mean i think he notices me and looks at me and stuff like that but i dont know if thats just because i want him to. although i know if i were to like him itd be all too weird and he would never like me. heres the story, over winter break he had a bonfire and this was before i knew him and i was invited by a friend of his who i once liked so i went and there was alcohol and things happened and me and the friend of his that i once liked i wouldnt call it hooked up because we did nothing sexual just kissed alot and i totally regret it, i was going through alot then and i dont know why i did it but besides the point. i then started to talk to another friend who was there, we talked a little just as friends but i did start to like him but got over that, so im sure he would want nothing to do with me. but the thing is i dont know if i like him, all this came up so sudden and i dont know how to go about it. the thing with him too is that he'll be real nice one day then act like i dont exist the next. im soo confused and i dont know what to do. can you help please?
Dear Reader ,
Guys in High School and even after that can be so fickle. First and foremost, appearances are everything to them. What I mean by this is that they are quite absorbed with how they might appear in front of their peers and especially their pals. If you look back at the times that he did not act like you were there, I'd be willing to bet that one or more of his pals were around.
I'll tell you the same thing I tell my kids. I just recently had a long talk with one of my many daughter-in-laws(I already consider her part of the family), Gwen, who is engaged to my youngest son, Waylon. He's not always considerate, I suppose and referred to her as his "Baby's Mama." She was hurt by it, his comment, when actually he meant no harm.
Gwen had also expressed a bit of dismay when he said something to the effect of, "Hey Woman" or "Hey Lady," either of which I see no problem with. But she felt it was disrespectful. Now, I know that he meant no harm especially since he's even calls me that, now and again. Now of course, being me, "Babz the Blab," the one who knows all/sees all, guru of advice, told her what I am telling you now ;
Be An Onion
Aunt B, what the heck does that mean? Well my Dear, that means in order for you to make it in this life, you've got to take things less personally. You've got to be like an onion with it's many layers.
Now, I'm not telling you not to have feelings, quite on the contrary. What I'm saying is that you've got to prioritize what's important to feel and what's not or rather what to take personally and what not to allow to devastate or affect you. It's like this; if you can catch on to what I'm saying now, you'll save yourself a lifetime full of heartache and pain.
I found through the years that I allowed people to own my feelings and even dictate how I felt about myself. I wasted many good years, overly concerned about and caring too often what people thought of me.
While it's important to live by society's rules and to be accepted, as we all strive for acceptance, you must be careful and calculating. I would encourage you to be cautious as to what or who you allow to influence you. Also, you must gauge what weight and merit you give as to what shapes who you really are.
I say this because, well, allow me to state that I certainly feel too much emphasis is placed and the wrong messages are sent concerning what our society feels is the norm or acceptable.
Case in point, while we all wish to be fashionable, let me point out that the emphasis we place on how we are supposed to appear and what is defined as beauty is certainly questionable. This attitude affects you as well as just about every school age child/preteen/teen and young adult.
Yes, this logic that, i.e., the fashion industry fosters, a key player in our views of acceptability, tend to project and breed a rather dysfunctional mindset and way of thinking. Our perceptions of beauty, (society in large) are so distorted, it has literally ruled our actions for far too long. Personally, I hold them in contempt.
I have an extremely harsh view of an industry which knowingly encourages *Anorexia, although they'll deny it all day long. It's a well known fact that in order for these models to maintain their weight, they have to starve themselves. Once these girls have surpassed their prime and they find themselves, "Burned Out, Busted or Near Dead," they often become*Bulimic.
This whole scenario makes me so angry, I could spit nails. See, because of your perceptions, because of what you see on T.V., magazines and in the movies, the youth today, as well as your peers have an almost sinful conceptualization of true beauty and appearance.
The point of the matter as well as how this applies to you is simple; I firmly believe if you "just be you, no matter what," if he's into you, he'll notice when and if the time is right.
Keep in mind that, as I stated at the beginning of this post, guys are all about appearances. "Do I or will I look cool if I do this or that?" "Will I seem uncool if I wave at her?" "What will my friends think if I act like I like her?"
Guys have self-esteem issues too and often behave insecurely. If it's not insecurity, you know, his behavior, then let me point out something; If this guy is shallow (and I'm not saying he is) or superficial enough that he can't be himself and has to put up a front, you must examine if he's the right guy for you?
I'll welcome you to write me again.Possibly read this and search yourself as to what applies, where you can apply it, garner what you can. Then, let me know how things turn out, please?
Check out Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty"
Keeping It Real,