Update; "Your Stranger"

Editor's Note; This is from the original post,

" Your Stranger"

On follow up Aunt B asked "Is the situation the same?" The following response was emailed back and Xmichra has promptly answered to address this new question.

Dear Aunt Babz, Xmichra,

It's fine, really. I was surprised enough that you were able to reply to mine's. The advice was good, and I have taken it to heart. But you're right; the situation's changed a bit.

In your advice, you told me that the next time I see him I should do small, subtle gestures. Like wave at him, right? But if I do that, I'll completely throw away an opportunity to be with him at all. Our relationship was never carried through physical interactions with one another. To make a long story short, my friend (the one who likes him) introduced him to me via a website, and it just took off from there. In essence, it's an online relationship. It's amazing enough that this relationship even exists, and in that case, a relationship such as ours. We're not ones who'd be telling secrets to strangers, but this is just a strange exception.
But despite this, I think this would have been the only way that I could have gotten to know him as quickly as I did. The person on screen is a more true version of himself, or at least that's what I think. In life, he's quiet and has a demeanor which is able to scare everyone off.

And I guess, this is where the problem lies.
He is silent, while I'm in the complete opposite end of the spectrum.

Over the internet, we are able to find some common ground, but in life...
If he was to meet me in life first, he would have never befriended me because of this--he even confirmed this for me.

I decided that I shouldn't treat him any different than any of my other friends, so even if, from first glance, someone like him would just insulting me for my behavior (which he does), if he is unable to tolerate me for who I am, then this would be a difficult friendship.
But when I'm in this mode, I more prone to doing stupid, careless acts which end up with a negative effect on him. I don't want to get him uncomfortable or angry, but I haven't been around people to realize what's wrong and right. And it makes it even harder when he's unable to show he doesn't want something to be done.

I've gotten him majorly angry once, which has put a dent in our friendship--well, our friendship, and possibly those who belong in the same friend group. His sister said he didn't want to go back to another gathering, and he said that he was no longer comfortable around us. And in the end, it was my fault, wasn't it?
It's not like I would change. I've already fixed small problems--that's easy--but it's getting him to trust me which is difficult when I'm infamous for my brash behavior.
He's also notorious for ditching opportunities to hang out with people, unless there's an excuse to go, like a birthday. I remember once, our group of friends had arranged to go to the mall, but once I got there, his sister called to tell me that he didn't "feel like it" anymore. And no, none of our birthdays are coming up anytime soon.
That only leaves one choice: going to him, but this option he really dislikes. Plus, he doesn't even go to the same school as I do, and lives far from me, so it's not like I can visit him afterschool or anything.

I also think that our online relationship is dwindling. I talk to him, yes, but most of the time, it doesn't seem like he's interested in what I have to say for whatever reason. I talk to him less and less now, as he is probably getting tired of me and is possibly too busy for me, but even when do, it's often quite brief.

At this point, I don't care about that relationship. At this point, I may not even have a friendship. I can say that a relationship was not meant to be and let it slip, but can I really do the same with a friendship?

Well, I'm not too concerned about this situation as the other. Compared to the other, this is quite... dull. Somehow I feel like there's an exit to this problem somewhere, but with the other, I'm backed into a corner.




Dear Reader,

I am glad that you have updated your situation; it gives a little bit more clarity to the picture.
You said : At this point, I don't care about that relationship. At this point, I may not even have a friendship. I can say that a relationship was not meant to be and let it slip, but can I really do the same with a friendship?

Well, I'm not too concerned about this situation as the other. Compared to the other, this is quite... dull. Somehow I feel like there's an exit to this problem somewhere, but with the other, I'm backed into a corner.
So.. i am confused on one part, what exactly are you backed into??? Your friendship with this guy?? Because you are never backed into a friendship. You are either friends, or you are not. So you need to figure this out, is he really a friend or just an on-line conversation?
The world is different on line, and you know that. We can all be the selves that we wish we were out in the real world. Only trouble is making that transition from our on-line selves to our real life selves is much more difficult when you are scared and withdrawn like this fellow seems to be. And that is his issue to deal with. You are not doing anything wrong by being yourself, and if this guy can’t deal with who you are... well you are better off without him. Friends do not judge each other and friends support each other. So even if this guy decided that he couldn’t be with you romantically, there is no reason for him to snub you on a friend level.
Really it sounds to me like this guy has a lot of issues to overcome, and you have tried to be a friend with little in the way of reciprocation. Maybe it would be better for you to let go of it, and get on with your own life. Seems like you want to do other things but can’t seem to get over him... you have to let yourself be okay with that. You liked a guy, it didn’t work out the way you wanted it too, you want to be friends if he will deal, so let it go. You did nothing wrong.

Good Luck,

~Xmichra.