Dear Aunt B,I REALLY like this boy, but his dad is dating my mum, is that wrong? I told one friend but she doesn’t think its wrong but Im still not sure. I don’t know what to do … I’d love to kiss him but Im not confident, because I’ve never been asked out by a boy, flirted with or kissed one. There’s nothing wrong with me … I’m skinny, Long haired and I have a nice personality but no boy has ever taken interest in me … apart from the 10 year olds in my backstreet, but Im 13 and so is the boy I like. I don’t think Im pretty, but I thought of some suggestions for you to help me with: 1.Should I just say “I LIKE you.” And walk away. 2. Should I wear all sexy clothes and be confident because I wear baggy jeans, baggy tops and fleeces, apparently I have nice legs. Should I go all tight topped, short skirts and act sexy because I have those clothes just never wear them. I’d be comfortable in them if it would make him like me. I won’t change my personality but I need new clothes and a new attitude. I mean some boys like the sexy type of girl. 3. Should I20just kiss him and walk away – it will get the message across. 4. Should I wear the sexy clothes and kiss him. I love him; I’ve never felt this way about a boy before and Im desperate. I haven’t told any other friends and all the boys at school think Im frigid. I hate that, but if I did kiss him and he likes me back I wouldn’t want my mum’s boyfriend, my mum or my sister to find out. It would make me so happy if he likes me. Maybe if you could ask some boys around my age what they think it would help a lot. Please help ASAP.
Thanks
From
Love struck and Unsure x
Dear Love Struck and Unsure,
I would like to address the first question you have, is it wrong to like the son of the guy your mother is dating. The answer to that, is no. Attraction is something that is different from action, and we are attracted to multiple things about a person, regardless of a situation. It is perfectly healthy to be attracted to this boy, he is not your relative and he is of your age group, you two are likely hanging out and getting to know each other, it is completely normal.
But for the second part of your question, should you do anything about this attraction? The answer to that, in my opinion, is no. And here is why: this guy could end up being your step-brother. That is something that you really want to take a look at. Not just because it would be hard to explain to people (and trust me, you would eventually) but because it will make things very difficult at home. You are incredibly young, and things like young relationships come and go. Have you thought about what would happen if the two of you didn’t work out, then you had to live with him still?? These are big decisions, and ones that take a lot more maturity than you need to use at this point in your life. IF your respective parents break up, then this would be a much different answer. But your parents’ relationship is a major factor here, which I know seems rather unfair (why should it have anything to do with you?) but given your age and the circumstances, it does matter.
I want to talk to you a little bit about your confidence level though. I kind of have the feeling that you are more interested in this guy because you are feeling comfortable with him. Which is great (getting to know a person before getting romantically involved), but don’t assume that no other boy has taken an interest in you. You are 13, and boys in your age range are funny creatures. They sometimes react and act like complete idiots, and sometimes treat you like crap when they really like you. Or, they might just ignore you completely if they “really really” like you. It is crazy, and silly, and you damn near need to be a psychic sometimes when it comes to how and why a guy decides to take a certain “approach”, but don’t write them all off because you haven’t noticed them noticing you.
Also, about his dressing “sexy” thing.... Sure, dressing provocatively will gain you some attention, but is it really the attention that you want? What I mean by this, is that a girl who gets a guy because they dress cheap will be treated cheap. A girl, who gets a guy because of her intelligence, will be treated with intelligence. Be the girl you want to be, and expect the treatment that you exude. There is nothing wrong with presenting yourself well, but there is something wrong with letting it all hang out in a disrespectful to you manor. Tune into your own self, and only dress how YOU feel comfortable. And if that is all tight topped and short skirts, then that is fine (although you can expect your parents to think negatively about it!). But if you are a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal, then stay true to yourself.
I really do feel for your situation, I know that you like this boy and want to let him know. But really think about your situation... the fact that you would feel it a necessity to keep your feelings (and thus your relationship) a secret from your mother, sister and his father should be a very clear indicator that something isn’t right about it. When something is right, you know it and you can rest easily knowing that if others knew the truth you would be okay with that.
I know this wasn’t exactly what you wanted to hear, and I know the next little while will be tough, but you can get through this and will. Take care of yourself, respect yourself, and be sure that there is another guy out there.
~Xmichra
Dear Love Struck and Unsure,I would like to address the first question you have, is it wrong to like the son of the guy your mother is dating. The answer to that, is no. Attraction is something that is different from action, and we are attracted to multiple things about a person, regardless of a situation. It is perfectly healthy to be attracted to this boy, he is not your relative and he is of your age group, you two are likely hanging out and getting to know each other, it is completely normal.
But for the second part of your question, should you do anything about this attraction? The answer to that, in my opinion, is no. And here is why: this guy could end up being your step-brother. That is something that you really want to take a look at. Not just because it would be hard to explain to people (and trust me, you would eventually) but because it will make things very difficult at home. You are incredibly young, and things like young relationships come and go. Have you thought about what would happen if the two of you didn’t work out, then you had to live with him still?? These are big decisions, and ones that take a lot more maturity than you need to use at this point in your life. IF your respective parents break up, then this would be a much different answer. But your parents’ relationship is a major factor here, which I know seems rather unfair (why should it have anything to do with you?) but given your age and the circumstances, it does matter.
I want to talk to you a little bit about your confidence level though. I kind of have the feeling that you are more interested in this guy because you are feeling comfortable with him. Which is great (getting to know a person before getting romantically involved), but don’t assume that no other boy has taken an interest in you. You are 13, and boys in your age range are funny creatures. They sometimes react and act like complete idiots, and sometimes treat you like crap when they really like you. Or, they might just ignore you completely if they “really really” like you. It is crazy, and silly, and you damn near need to be a psychic sometimes when it comes to how and why a guy decides to take a certain “approach”, but don’t write them all off because you haven’t noticed them noticing you.
Also, about his dressing “sexy” thing.... Sure, dressing provocatively will gain you some attention, but is it really the attention that you want? What I mean by this, is that a girl who gets a guy because they dress cheap will be treated cheap. A girl, who gets a guy because of her intelligence, will be treated with intelligence. Be the girl you want to be, and expect the treatment that you exude. There is nothing wrong with presenting yourself well, but there is something wrong with letting it all hang out in a disrespectful to you manor. Tune into your own self, and only dress how YOU feel comfortable. And if that is all tight topped and short skirts, then that is fine (although you can expect your parents to think negatively about it!). But if you are a jeans and t-shirt kind of gal, then stay true to yourself.
I really do feel for your situation, I know that you like this boy and want to let him know. But really think about your situation... the fact that you would feel it a necessity to keep your feelings (and thus your relationship) a secret from your mother, sister and his father should be a very clear indicator that something isn’t right about it. When something is right, you know it and you can rest easily knowing that if others knew the truth you would be okay with that.
I know this wasn’t exactly what you wanted to hear, and I know the next little while will be tough, but you can get through this and will. Take care of yourself, respect yourself, and be sure that there is another guy out there.
~Xmichra
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