Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Pick of the Litter

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt Babz,

Currently I like this guy named Nate. He is my brother's friend. They are 17,(seniors). I liked him for almost a year but recently my brother, Alex, has been saying thing, (Not as a joke, because i know when he is joking) hinting that Nate likes me. Well, It wasn't long, I knew it would happen that he would eventually find out I liked Nate. He saw Nate today and I am almost positive he told him. I really am thinking right now he will ask me out. Well, I face a couple problems here....
If I date him....
He is 17, Im 15. My parents would not care, witch is good, because they love Nate. But it may be weird, and Nate acctually never had a real girlfriend before!
He is really smart, and I am too, but I am afraid he may want to disscuss things that I really don't know about, and I don't want to seem dumb, or ditsy.
Finally, and probablly the most obviuos one is He is my brothers best friend. I think right now if he herd we were dating (witch were are not, yet) he would be fine with it, but how weird would it be when Nates done with soccor practice, I finished Hockey Practice, and Alex finished Cross Contry Pratice and he gives both of us a ride home. OCWARD MUCH???? I totally think that type of situation would be unusally kaflka-esque.
Can you tell me, Should I just really not go there, or should I date Nate???? I dont know!!

Dear Friend,

Well, it comes down to what you are willing to risk really. Love is tricky that way. You can choose to date Nate and possibly have things all go wrong and have things be awkward for you and your brother… or things go great and there is nothing to lose. Or you can choose not to date Nate and possibly live with regret.

It is going to be awkward if you date Nate and hang out with your brother. It will be like that for awhile, but things mellow out. I had a friend in high school who dated a friend of her brothers, and she had the same sort of trepidation. But they worked things out.. where the guy had you time, your brother time, and everyone together time. Just so long as you remember that your brother has equal rights to time with his friend, and he realizes that you have equal rights to time with your boyfriend, it shouldn’t be so bad. But if you guys start to make a mess out of what should be an easy situation…. Well Nate will drop both of you like a bad habit. So make sure that you are respectful.

What is this stuff that you think that you will discuss that you won’t know about? Is it sex or other stuff, like nuclear fission? Because that is two totally different conversations.

If it’s about sex, I will tell you this, any guy worth his salt will wait until you do know, you can figure out what is right for you, and you have been able to make a decision based on your age and your willingness to accept consequences. And sex/sexual acts have a lot of consequences that aren’t readily talked about.. like the toll it can take when it is attached to your self worth. Or the fact that no matter how hard you try to make it not be about an age, 15 is young. And getting into sex too quickly can make things a very hard ride for the rest of your life. You have a good 60 years after that (lets hope) and you don’t want to have another regret on the table. So make sure that you not only have this conversation with someone you trust (like a doctor, or a school therapist, or an older friend) and make sure that you are ready to TALK about it first with whom ever you choose. Because that is where the real problem is. Not talking about sexually related things can get really messy.. especially if you feel like you were pushed to fast into anything.

Now, if you are talking about stuff that is just way above the normal intellect.. I can tell you for sure that you are selling yourself short. We all know a little about something. And if anyone cares for us, they will know the limit of our knowledge, and when to either a)teach us more or b)shut the hell up and talk about something else. Don’t ever be afraid of asking questions, or not knowing all the answers. You don’t have too know. But if you keep an open mind, you might gain a lot more knowledge then you ever would have.

The number one thing that I would look at, is if your brother is really okay with this. Don’t’ get me wrong, you will make your own decision on this.. but if your brother is not okay with it.. or seems uncertain, and you like your brother and value your friendship.. that might be something to really evaluate. Weather or not you think that this is going to be worth the effort. For some people, taking a risk like this is totally worth it, and they can live with the consequence but not regret. For others, this is just too much to have to handle and knows that they wouldn’t be able to handle a fall out or conflict.

So that is my question to you. Are you someone who can handle a bit of controversy, or do you not like to rock the boat? That is your answer there. If you were to know that if things weren’t to work out and that things would get messy… would you be up for the battle or down for the count? That will make your decision right there on whether you should date Nate.

Best of luck to you, let us know what you decided :)

~ Xmichra~


Anonymous said...

Thanks! it really helped.... and it wasnt sex. it was general intellegence. lol. THANKS!

Xmichra said...

no problem :)
Hope everything works out well for you!