This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...Dear Aunt Babz,
My problem is that there is this girl who i hate soooo much and she won't leave me alone,, i cant stand her at all, i mean i hate this girl 2 death, it's like when ever i c a message from her on friendster or myspace i feel like punching the wall, she ruins my day, and i am not a bad guy, i just want her 2 leave me alone, i have a myspace and friendster account, but she still sends me requests and jokes around even though i hate her with a passion,, i have never felt like this about anyone in my life , i wrote 2 myspace and friendster and they said just delete and block the profiles, but i do this everyday, i delete and she creates more and more, oh my goodness i hate her sooo much ,, i know this is soooo repetitive but like i said i feel like cursing in this email and i am sooo angry because i hate the *itch soooooo much ... i dont know what to do,, even if i create another profile some how she always finds me,, u have no idea how hard this is 4 me 2 talk about her without cursing at the *itch,,,, *itch *itch,, i dont go anywhere online 4 example play games like i used 2 or chat because i know she is there all the time, soooooo madddddddddddddddddd,, i hate the *itch,, whats your adivce,, ?
thanks von-el
Dear Von-El,
Somehow, I know where you're coming from. She grates your nerves, for whatever reason and it's just making you crazy, right? She tried to contact you and it makes you nuts, you could spit nails, huh?
You will always meet and come across people, who will get under your skin. Let this be a good example of how to deal with this scenario or any others that just might roll down the pike...
This may or may not apply to you but let me point something out; The primary emotion, we allow ourselves, more so than any other is; Anger. I've meet people, as I'm sure you have, as well, that are just grouchy, nasty, mean spirited angry people. They're every where, in nooks and crannies and we're surrounded by them. Often times, those people will not experience joy, they barely laugh, if at all and they normally do not allow themselves to feel, much less cry. There only real/raw emotion; ANGER.
I happen to have been one of these "Angry" people. In many ways, my hate and anger was all consuming. It is one of the primary accelerators, when I was in the throes of my addiction. Anger kills...
You should take a long, hard look, at what it is, that places you, in that Anger Zone. Is it really her or is it you? I can answer that for you, though. It is you, you must own it and look at it. She may be the most annoying person, in the world but what is it that sets you off? I mean, I can clearly see, from your letter, that this girl gets deep down, under your skin. So, is it her, her persona or whatever? It really does not matter what it is, I simply want you to see if there's a trigger point there or possibly what it is that spurs you on?
As I stated before, you will come across many, who will make you mad, your cause for mayhem. You will come across more that will set you off, in varying degrees. Every day, you will have cause for celebration or disdain and it is your choice, which you will embrace. All mushy stuff aside, you must learn to look for that cause for celebration, long before you look for the or act upon the disdain.
Yes, anger kills, as I've said. It is all consuming, spurs on road rage, hate crimes and the list is endless. On a personal level though, the person, who suffers the most for your anger, is you and you alone. Sure, it may seem gratifying to tell that guy to stick it where the sun don't shine but it's you that's left in the dark clouds.
You must begin to see, that in every situation or instance, every day, you have choices as to how you will react. You must begin to see that you are the one who suffers, the most, when you are angry. But most of all and I must let you in on a little secret; When you become angry at someone else, you have actually given the reigns of power, over to that person, whom you are angry with. Whatever it is, they're doing, that sets you off, you have given them a certain power over you. Did you realize this? I'd bet my butt, you didn't cause I just know you're the kinda guy, who likes to be in control, of yourself and your life.
Taking Back Control
It's our little secret but I'd sure like to see you take back those reigns, you didn't even know, you'd handed off. So, what can you do?
Well, my friend, you can begin to realize that every day, in every way, you'll have choices, as to what will or will not set you off. You must begin to make a conscience effort to stay in control of you. Yes, you can be such a beast but normally, you're on top of the program. You like things in order, all your ducks in a row and you hate surprises or change. Knowing this, just how you're set in your ways, you'll need to begin to incorporate the change, in your awareness, a little at a time. You'll need to examine your subconscience triggers, what it is that takes you to that Anger Zone.
In all due reality, you could become angry with everybody and anybody, if you allowed yourself. You have little patience for the dumb shit, this I know. But you need to realize that not everybody's on the same page as you and you need to give a little leeway, have a tad more compassion and begin to realize this very important premise;
Now, stop looking at this girl, as the foundation for your anger and start looking within yourself. Somehow, I just know, the thought, that you might possibly have allowed someone else, to take your power, will be like a punch in the kisser. But I won't tell, if you don't. Take back those reigns!
Keeping It real,
Aunt Babz
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