Life As We Know It and Kelly Osbourne's character is just like me fat but beautiful. When I saw her boyfriend I was thinking "Why can't I get a guy?!" my school is filled with..........morons! And people always make fun of me! I feel so sad thinking about what I'm missing because a lot of my friends have gf's and bf's already but I don't! I feel like a loser all the time because no one likes me. What should I do?
Dear Sad in St.Louis,
It occurs to me, that this gives me the opportunity to say exactly how I feel about this "Thin vs Fat," thing. It has raged on for too many years and I think it's time for us, as women/young woman to stop allowing it and all the crap that goes with it. I have really thought about this and have made a few observations.
To start, you can look at the women, in pictures, many years ago and you will see happy faces of women, I will call "ample." Back in the day, a man wanted a woman who looked healthy, not some emaciated rail of a girl. All the women, back then, even in to the early 60's looked a little plump and it was perfectly acceptable. What happened?
I can remember the model, by the name of Twiggy, on the cover of magazines. You may not remember her but she was extremely thin, just like Kate Moss. Well, some group of dumb asses, in the fashion world, thought just how wonderful she was. It must have been a group the world respected because it was then that this war on fat began.
I'd like to meet this group and tell 'em just how retarded I think they are and here's a big Bitchslap just for them.
How dare they put American women in such jeopardy? Did they not realize just how sick we'd become trying to emulate these ridiculous Tiny Hinies? To this day, girls are fighting against feeling fat by becoming Anorexic, Bulimic, addicted to drugs, especially Cocaine and Meth. We are even addicted to taking laxatives, just to remain thin and what they perceive as "desirable." I am not telling you anything that I do not know first hand. I would eat and throw up, I did Coke, I took laxatives, all to look good in those tight ass jeans. It's not a good way to live, it's not a good perception of yourself or others and it's a load of bunk.
At 48, I still have to fight this eating disorder and just enjoy a healthy meal without the guilt I felt when I wanted to eat something naughty. What happens though is a delusional outlook on what is the supposed norm as to how a young woman should look. It is a hard habit to break.
Just once, I'd like to get in the face of these men, who came up with this extremely dumb idea of what a woman should look like. We're killing ourselves for that cause and I think it's time to Stop. But, but, but it's got to be the women, who say, "We've had enough of this monstrosity of perception. You will accept us as God intended us to be. No, if ands or Big Butts about it!"
How many women go under the knife to have big boobs and so on, to please who...men? We abuse our feet putting them into pointed toed shoes, wear stiletto heels and end up with bunions. I know, I have them and it was from years of trying to look sexy in my three piece suit or short skirts and heels. But you see, I did this, huh? No one held a gun to my head and said you will be skinny and wear stilettos and an underwire bra so your boobs will look perky? When we fought for equal rights in the workplace, the right to vote and all the crap we insisted on, we walked away without negotiating the “real deal”.
The way it should be, is that a woman can dress sensibly, maintain a reasonable weight and be accepted for who she is and get paid for the job if she can do it. If a woman can't pull a firehouse up the stairs of a burning building, she should not be paid the same wage as the guy who can. But if she can do it or gaff/climb that pole and hang that telephone wire or install fiber optics or whatever, she should be paid for it. But this all comes back to us, as women. We have to begin to insist that we are treated well, accepted as we are and throw these damn delusions right out the window. It starts...one woman at a time.
We can have this if we want it. What will men do, stop marrying us? Man can not survive without woman and vise versa. The world would not stop, if we insist we will not live this way any longer. In fact, we'd all be happier.
This is not about all that but I am laying the ground work for you to begin to look at yourself differently. Life is all perspective, is it not? It is all about how we see each other but more importantly, how we view ourselves. If you look in the mirror and see ugly, that is what you will continue to see and in turn this is how you will carry yourself; as an ugly person. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but...how you present yourself, how you carry yourself, how you feel about yourself, will and I repeat will make the impact, good or bad, as to peoples perception of you.
Some people live a charmed life. Some of us have to work at it a little harder. Personally, I had to work on it. My Mom looked like Raquel Welch and my little Sister is beautiful too. I felt like the cold bologna in the middle of that sandwich. I never really felt pretty much less beautiful but I was rather assertive, bordering aggressive. I have always got the guy I wanted and often wondered how I did it? Many men asked me out, many asked for my hand in marriage. How’d I do it?
You have to start by looking in the mirror and asking yourself, really what do you see? If you are honest with yourself, write down what you see, on a physical realm. Then, again look in that mirror and write down what you see about yourself on a personality aspect. Now, you can have a, 100 things on that paper and you can be wrong about yourself a 100 times. Be realistic and look for your good qualities. OK, so maybe you don’t like your eyebrows? Well whatever it is, you do the best with what you have. Fix what you can. Improve the improvable and move on. Let me point out that this is surface stuff and it’s not by any means, the important stuff.
Did you know that Kelly Osbourne wears one of Aunt B’s Bitch Belt’s? Oh yes she does and wears it well, proudly. I am telling you to put one on, right now and then we’ll move to the next part of this.
Kelly Osbourne is not what some people would perceive as a model, now is she? Neither am I and somehow, I believe you are not either. So, what is Kelly’s secret? Is it her money? Maybe? Is it her family? Maybe?
I happen to believe I know Kelly’s secret…She’s Assertive!
Kelly wears that Bitch Belt. She gets up in the morning, as I want you to and she puts it on. Then, she goes out, in style, holds her head up, come what may.
My own Granddaughter, Jessie, is just about a dead ringer for Kelly. She acts just like her and when she walks into a room, people notice her. Why…because she shines. Jessie was so cute when she was little. As she grew up, she was not or rather did not have the best behavior. She was a bully there for a minute, she was into drugs and drinking, she was messing up. She was and is a lot like her Grandma. But now, Jessie wears a Bitch Belt. She treats people like she wants to be treated and will not allow anybody to treat her any less than she deserves to be treated. She insists on it and she will also call you on it, if you are trying to do anything less than what is right.
See, it all starts with your own values and beliefs. You have to believe that you are valuable and you are. You can and will have an impact in this life. How do I know this? I will not tell how but take my word on it, it’s our secret. Furthermore, I want you to begin to keep yourself in check. By this, I mean, that you will begin to be honest with yourself. OK, so you don’t have the perfect figure? So what, what’s the perfect figure, huh? Don’t aspire to be anybody but you and be happy being you. Do the best with what you were given. Keep or hold yourself to a higher standard. Why? Because you are a special young lady, I just feel it. Now, let me remind you that I am not about giving lip service and telling you what I think you want to hear. If I don’t feel it, I just don’t say it. I think you are in that awkward stage between a girl and becoming a woman. A rite of passage is becoming comfortable in your own skin. You will never be anybody but you and why would you want to? You need to be realistic and have an acceptance of yourself and your own self worth. All this will begin that rite of passage. Do the best with what you have, be honest with yourself, don’t take any shit, don’t give any shit, be assertive, communicate and state your needs. But most of all realize your own self worth; this will be the turning point. Darlin’, you are going places, mark my words. If you incorporate all this, people will begin to see you differently and you will shine. See, right now, you are just an ember. The good stuff that is YOU is there but someone or something told you that you are just smoke. What they didn’t realize is that where there’s smoke, there’s fire. That fire has to start somewhere. It will start when you begin to take a stand and accept nothing less than the very best for yourself because you are worth it. This might seem like a bunch of bullshit but I will guarantee, this will work if you are willing to make it second nature within your own psyche. You have to believe it. You don’t know me from a can of paint but I am telling you that I see a powerful young lady, an ember ready to surprise all with a Backdraft!
To answer you the best way I know how, all things will fall into place; boyfriends, friends and life in general, once you read this, put on Aunt B’s Bitch Belt and begin to appreciate yourself for who you really are. You have my guarantee!