Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Sex Is Not For Fools

This was sent to Aunt B via email...

Dear Aunt B,

I had a male friend and I really liked him. But this weekend he started dating a 14 year old that was my sisters friend. It's not really the idea that he is dating. At age 16 is it inappropriate to date a 14 year old when in 6 months he's gonna be 17 and she just turned 14 not too long ago? The situation gets worse though my friend called him because he wouldn't call me back. When he called me back he said your friend needs to shut her mouth or I'm gonna shut it for her. When I tried to apologize he hung up on me. My problem was I liked him a lot and I was going to ask him out. I also work with him and I don't know how I'm gonna face him without getting angry. Should I try to fix the problem calm and rationally or should I just let it go? I really wanna be friends with him again but I don't even think he wants to speak to me again. I'm open to any suggestions thank you so much for your time.


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I can not give an opinion on the first part of your question, concerning the 14 year ol female and the 16+ male and their relationship. Laws vary from state to state, concerning Sexual Consent, which you can check here.
We have laws instated but the margin for error is far too wide. Dating a minor, if you are 16 as opposed to have a sexual relationship, are two different things. If your 14 year old friend was my daughter, I would have to look closely at the situation and this fella before I could even consider the whole scenario. Even though we think we are adult at 14 and it is hard to convince that 14 year old otherwise, the ramifications and consequence factor is huge. Sex is or can be life altering behavior and having sex at that age is just that, life altering. Somehow, when we are that age, we don't realize just how responsible you have to be. Hell, I didn't realize it. I thought if I got pregnant, oh well, I want a baby, something to love and love me back and the thought just didn't scare me. What a fool I was. I got pregnant at 16 and it changed my life. I still, was only capable of thinking, "Hey, this can't be so bad, " until a real live baby was presented to me. The many sleepless nights, my baby crying and I had done everything to comfort the child, were awful. I watched as everybody else my age, went out to parties and to the beach, school functions and so on, with out me. I no longer had anything in common with all my girl friends, as they were still dating and going to all the things I could no longer go to. I loved my baby but I suppose I had some resentment. I did this to myself because I had the dumb idea that I was ready for sex and all the responsibility that goes hand in hand in a relationship. Even when you are old enough, having the Law on your side with Sexual Consenting adults, doesn't mean you are mature enough to take on all or come what may. I have to wonder if I was even mature enough in my early 30's for children? Don't be a Dumbass like I was, ok? Having sex is not for fools, now is it?

Now, in this day and age, you have to consider some extremely serious sexually transmitted diseases, on top of the baby making factor. Every time you have sex with a stranger/a person for the first time, you are taking your life into your own hands. You are sleeping with whomever they slept with, if they are infected. The scary part is the fact that they may not "LOOK" infected. Even having safe sex is not fool proof, only abstinence. And the worst part about dating in todays world is that dating is no longer just that, it often turns sexual very quick. We have lost a lot of values since I was a kid. I was just as guilty though and just as much a dumbass as the rest of the girls who got pregnant. I also have Hep C and I never thought all that would happen to lil' ol' me?
So to make a long story short; Only her parents can make that decision and depending on the laws in your state, that would determine if it is lawfully wrong. I don't like it but I'm no her Mom.

Concerning YOUR relationship with this guy, I have the distinct feeling you should stay away from him. I know you said that you work with him, so you may have to see him but I would just keep your distance. You could send him a note, apologizing but keep away. If he is or was ever interested, by giving him that leeway, you are not creating a bad situation or escalating things. If you write him a note, make it short and sweet. Simply tell him that you want to be friends vs. enemies and you never meant to anger him. You are sorry that your friend upset him but she meant no harm. I'm not real fond of how he reacted, especially telling you that he would shut her up. Even if it is a figure of speech, why did he act out so harshly? I think it may be with an ulterior motive and he may have had his eye on this other girl. It's an attempt to make you feel like crap, when he was the one doing the dirt. Take a look at that and why he was so mean about it. Then, I want you to ask yourself, is this the kind of guy, you want to really get to know? I am not implying that he was up to no good, I am asking you if it's possible that he didn't call you back for a reason?
Finally, if he is interested in you, by giving him an apology letter, if there is any possibility there, concerning the two of you hooking up, he will accept your apology and begin to look at you differently. If he stays with the 14 year old, after all that, then I just have the feeling that you are better off without him. Because your letter is a bit vague, this is the only way I can see it. I hope things work out for you and I wish you the very best!

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