Saturday, April 7, 2007
This was sent to Aunt B via email
I really do not know what to do. I feel like I am losing all of my friends. My friend Bailey is making up lies about me and saying that I told her she can't hang out with my best friend anymore and no one believes me that I didn't say that. I swear over all that I believe in that I would never do something like that. Now I am losing my best friend, a girl that doesn't even talk to me hates me, and all my other friends think I am a b*tch. I desperately need advice on how to get people to believe me. It's not like a lie a lot because I hate liars, but for some reason no one will believe me. Plus, if they "really aren't true friends" then I have nothing else. I really need to know what to do.
People can be so nasty, huh? This is fixable but it starts within you, first!
They are behaving immaturely and you may have to come back with pointing this out. It will make them think about their initial statement and fact that it is in fact; immature? See, any time, you know something or a behavior, comment or statement is hurtful and plain, down right immature, the way to point it out is to simply ask the offending person, "Hey, don't you think you are acting pretty immature?" Now, their initial reaction may not be a pleasant one and they may put up defensive walls, taking a defensive stance. But I guarantee, they will think about it and their own behavior. Nobody likes to be told they're acting like a baby but it will make them question their own actions and behaviors and the validity of the matter at hand. But Sarah, it will be an empty statement if it comes from you and you are not standing with the conviction of truth. Let me explain...
All through your life, you will be met with this type of behavior. This may not be the first time and I am quite sure it will not be the last time, you have to defend yourself from malicious rumor, innuendo or straight out lies. Unfortunately, not everybody has the same moral standards and will lie through their teeth. You will also encounter, those that love to stir the nasty mix. They live for chaos and they get power from making others cringe or back down from them and drama is their middle name. It's hard to understand people like that but this world is full of them. But let me point out something, a key trait in most of these personality types; they usually have their own self-esteem issues. Your classic bully usually has a low self-esteem and uses fear and loathing to make them feel powerful and important. They have a need for validation, they have that need to make you fear them, even if it's only with their words. Of course you'll always have those that are jealous of your friendships and will do what they can to destroy it and make you feel crappy. This may be their motive and reason for acting like buttheads. I want you to rise above it, ok?
Those that matter, aren't mean and those that are mean, don't matter.
You'll have many friends throughout your life. Some will be your very best friends but when friendship is tested by the strain of everyday life, you will soon see who is the true friend and who is not. A true friend is family that you hand pick. True friendship, just like family, has unconditional love for you. They are able to see the good and bad and accept you for you, who you really are. The ones that can not do this really don't mean crap. Were these people, really good friends or just associates, people you know?
First, you must understand true friendship before you can be a good friend, before you will really have a true friend. So, how do you do this?
I want you to look in the mirror and ask yourself what do you see? A self-assessment should be done often. If you can do this and always strive to be a better person, you are growing. Don't get me wrong, I do not aspire, personally to be a saint but I do aspire to be a better person. I do not live to hurt people. I do not live to get over on others. I ask myself, "Well, would I want to be my own friend?"
If you answered yes, to your own question, then I want you to start by being your own friend and be honest with yourself; What are your good qualities? Are you loyal? Are you there when a friend needs you? Do you unselfishly give from your heart, your time and attention in a friendship? Do you listen? Are you able to share a friend with another friend or do you get jealous when your friend gives more time and attention to that other friend?
At the beginning of this post, I said, "This is fixable but it starts within you, first!"
It starts with how you perceive yourself and then how you perceive others. You know you were being honest and that is all that matters. If you are pushed in the corner over this again, you hold your head up, tell them that you told the truth but since they want to play stupid childish games, you don't really care what they think. Every morning when you leave your house, you put on your "Truth Goggles" and walk out the door. Those Truth Goggles will enable you to see through the transparent people who try to bully you into feeling bad. You'll see them for what they really are; insecure drama queens. Those goggles will help you see just how bad their self-esteem is so they have to start trouble so they can own "YOUR" power. Take it back, don't let them see you upset in the least by any of this. If you act as if you could care less what they think, they sure can't bother you and they'll see what a waste of time it really is. People that bully are not really mean, they are really mixed up, pretending to be mean. They figured out somewhere along the line that if they act, say or behave a certain way, they will get attention that their normal character wouldn't get. In other words, they are just average Joe, humdrum, insecure people, craving attention. Another maneuver they will try, is exactly what they did to you; they will try to make you look bad, that way people are too busy looking at you and your supposed faults rather than looking at the person who started the whole mess. They are the one who is actually desperate for some form of friendship and she is just trying to make you look bad so she looks good. Put those truth goggles on and see them for the real people they are. Once you begin to see this sort of thing, you begin to take your power back and people will come to the conclusion that they shouldn't waste their time messing with you, it just won't work. You hold your head up and be assertive when they come at you with this lame stuff and you tell them that it's exactly that; LAME! Once you have done this and institute the attitude that you'd rather be friendless for the rest of your entire life than have back biting, back stabbing drama queen immature friends, you just don't need it, you will see the difference. What is the worst thing that can happen out of all this; you find new friends that are real. Don't you back down or feel guilty about this anymore. Stop defending yourself and worrying about these girls who really are not real friends. Do without their friendship for now. They will come around if they are true friends and if they are not, you'll be better off without them to start a bunch of garbage. Now, I know how important friendships can be. But do as I said, be true to yourself first, see people as they really are and take back your power. You will see the Empowerment in this once you begin to see things as they really are. Read this and re-read this till it is ingrained; you are a good friend and you do not have time for anyone who is not able to be a good friend. You do not have time for liars, bullies or drama queens. Be good to yourself and say to yourself; I will not tolerate this anymore. I am a good person, a good friend and I DO NOT NEED their kind of friendship. It's not real friendship and it's surely not real. It doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter, they don't matter. As soon as you are done reading this...put those Truth Goggles on. Sorry, you'll see they are not rose colored glasses but...
they sure are powerful, huh?