Dear Aunt B,
this is really weird for me because i am a very reserved person and maybe that's why i'm asking for help from you rather than anyone close to me who i know.
I dont know what is happening in my life. all of a sudden its like i dont have any real friends. i have no1 to hang ou with in school exept my best friend, i dont know or interract with any1 but my boyfriend in a day.. ive always been popular but now im being known as a slut cuz my ex boyfriend, to take out his frustration (i broke up) is telling evry1 that i slept with him, which is true but not meant to be spread. my current bf.. hez jus amazing. he loves me has always. we were best friends before we started dating. i love him so much but most of my friends hate him. jus cuz hez a little emo and duzn like too much company all the time exept me. i love ppl wid me. i love having alot of ppl to hang out with, i love ppl wanting to talk to me, i love it when ppl LIKE me! thats jus me!! but im losing evry1.. the only person i hav now is my bf and a best friend whose like my sister.
please help me!
i dont wana b alone cuz im scared of going back to the dark hole i came out from... i dont wanna become that way.. and i dont want ppl to think of me as a slut who duzn care about any1z emotions..
I suppose the first thing that comes to mind, for me at least, was to tell you to stop worrying about being called a slut. I mean, for real, you are not a slut so why sweat it?
What I'm saying, in that regard is that people will always go for, look for your soft pink under belly, you know that place to hit where it hurts the most. And obviously it worked.
People will always do this and I'd be a liar if I said when that sort of thing happened to me, it didn't hurt. It hurt hardcore. But as I grew older I also realized that quite often, I was handing people the ammunition to hurt me or rather I was showing them that under belly I spoke of. They then used it against me.
With maturity comes understanding. With maturity comes the knowledge that they/people can only hurt me IF and when I allow it. You must become thicker skinned, Like An Onion with it's many layers, layers that protect it's inner core.
When you hear something, someone might say about you, in an effort to improve ones self, we do a self examination, we look at what the person has said. We then ask ourselves if there's any truth or validity to the statement and in this case, you were called a Slut. And when it comes down to it, sleeping with your boyfriend is what we do, now isn't it?
Now, I do not condone or encourage you to sleep with a guy especially until you really really get to know him and hopefully you have safe sex...
Since the dawn of time, guys have been doing their damnedest to get us in bed, I mean it's just what they do. And the next thing ya know, they go right out and tell the world. If you don't hook up with him or if you break up, it's the very first thing he's going to do; Tell the world. It goes right along with bragging rights a guy thinks he's obtained once he's "tagged your ass."
Having said this, for your own well being, first realize that every guy wants in your pants, it's his main objective, "the thrill of the kill," so to speak. But if you just give right in thinking that it'll catch the guy, you are very wrong.
If he's the real deal, he'll work at it, he'll respect that you will not just lay down with any guy and when you do finally give in, it just might be special, a gift so to speak.
The next subject I'd like to approach is what may very well be a mismatch with your Emo fellow. Maybe it's not a mismatch, it's possible that I used the wrong term. At the same time, you must ask yourself one pertinent question; Why should I become a recluse for someone, change my outgoing nature or even give up friendships, companionship, etc. for someone that loves me?
I guess the question might be, is he requesting that you not go out with girlfriends or associate with anyone but himself? If this is true and this is why you've stopped maintaining those friendships, well G-Friend, the Red Flags should go way way up.
Now, if that's not the case, I suggest that you realize that you must be a whole person, in and of yourself and get back out there, living your life to the fullest! If he chooses to stay stuck in his antisocial life, let him be.
Finally, no relationship, no love on this earth should immobilize a person. And the way I see it, you are becoming stagnate. Take a long hard look at all this. I hope you'll write me again and tell me how you got back out there in the thick of things, your happy and healthy and hopefully still in love.
Keeping It Real,
This is the plight of the teen-aged school girl, and I do understand. All of us women who have grown understand what is happening with you right now. And we don’t want you spiraling into a dark place either.
So, with that said, please keep in mind that I have been where you are, and say the following not as being complacent or brushing you off, but I say this to you because you need to listen carefully.
Being popular, sometimes, is still being alone.
You have an awesome best friend, and a boyfriend who cares deeply for you. The rest, is unimportant. People are going to come in and out of your life, and constantly trying to be liked by everyone isn’t going to get you anywhere but feeling sorry for yourself. Being popular is something most teens strive for, but it is unrealistic and so freaking redundant. It is nice to be liked and have attention... but if you are the center of attention, expect some bad attention too. Karma isn’t a one way door.
Concentrate on the relationships you DO HAVE, and the rest, let it roll off. Your ex-boyfriend was a douche, he spread your sex life around and that is hard to deal with when something so private is displayed openly. But the best thing you can do about that is to just shrug it off. I know that sounds crazy... but if you make a drama out of it, you are going to get drama in return.
This will pass, life does get better, and the things you thought were important today will change next year. Just think of how much you have changed and grown since last year, and you will see I speak the truth.
This is my advice – let it go. Let it stop controlling your happiness. You have two really great friends that you can trust and rely on, and I am sure you have more acquaintances than you realise. You should be thankful for your friendships and put your effort into them, not into fighting with your asshole ex, and trying to regain your reputation. Your rep will come back when you let the drama pass. So let it pass.
I hope you can stand strong and brush off the antics of others, and enjoy the present. It truly is a gift.