Saturday, October 31, 2009

Both Parents

Dear Aunt B,

I need help to write a letter to my sons dad. he only visits 3 to 5 hours a month. This year he has seen tommy only 35 hours. and he only lives 5 miles away.. He told me he still loves me and it hurtes him to him i wont take him back so i think this is why he avoids tommy. I told him we can get a person to deliver tommy to him. I tried to explain tommy is the important and that he needs to out those feeling aside , because its all about raising a health child.I never keep him from a visit. i call him and have pleaded for him to see tommy. Because every time the phone rings tommys thinks it dad,

He is always with his other kids that are ages 15 to 21. I tried to tell him tommy needs him a little more than . at least 2 hours a week.I know if i would sleep with him he would be around . but i hate him. hes parenting skill make me hate him. he does pay $500 a month when he is not playing games.i just give up. i want to write a letter that gets him to wake up and see hes hurting our son. and life is so precious it can be taken away in a instance. Or do you think i should just let it go its Barrys problem.

I just feel like i failed my son. by leaving his dad.
after i became clean and sober i saw i wanted better for us and dont want to be around anyone who had a drug past or relapses alot.

Dear Mary,

There are a whole lot of cliché's that I could get into here. First of all, I commend you for your taking care of yourself and getting clean and sober. For doing all the right things, including getting away from the father of your son. You have done so many right things and that's good.

You are only responsible for yourself, and you have done very well with that responsibility. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink – any man can father a child but it takes a really special person to be a daddy. Those are two big things that come to mind here.

Right now, you will need to be both parents for your son. One day, his father will be sorry that he missed this very important time in his son's life. But you cannot make him into something that he should be, not if he's not willing to do it on his own. You don't need the stress!

Don't try to force your ex to be a better dad; it's obviously not something he's ready to be right now. Until he can put his own selfish feelings aside, and grow up, you don't need to try to raise two children. (Tommy and your ex.)

You have failed no one! You should be proud of yourself. It takes a very strong person to come as far as you have and I commend you for that. Spend time with your son and when he wonders why his dad isn't around for him, just be sure not to bad mouth your ex to your son. He will form his own opinions fairly quickly.

Stay clean and stay away from anyone who isn't. If your ex isn't clean, I'm not so sure that it's a good idea for you or your son to be around him. Father or no father!

Best Wishes!


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