Saturday, October 10, 2009

Bottom Line

hey aunt b

first off im sorry for tacking so long to get back to you and thank you for your advice. but things got better for awhile do too her parents ignoring the fact me and kelly are to get married..... but of late kelly's parents have slowly been going back to mentally bombarding her and bashing me behind my back "mainly her dad". i could notcount how manytimes kelly has called me crying because of what her dad has said. i know we may be young " me being almost 20 and kelly19" but when you know you know. i know we may fall on our ass if we do get married but that's life and the only thing we can do is get back up and try harder and improve our selves. i just wish her parents would see this ...
back to the mentally bombarding deal.... her father constently says im going no ware , were not goin to last, and he has even said he liked me when i was her boy friend but not as her future husband.... This all coming from some one i both trusted and respected.... it kinda hurts a wii bit..... but it seams no matter what we do i wont be good enough for her in his eyes and i honostly dont know why. as of now i have a well paying respectable job from which i can support us both, were about to take marriage classes through the church, and i even tried to learn there religion and beliefs.... even then im still not good enough....
Me and Kelly are tuffing it out and we are going to get married but her dad isnt making it easy.....
any help in this predicament would b every much appreciated also if you need anything clarified about this predicament just let me know and ill try me best fill in the blanks.


Dear T,

I very seldom talk about my own life while giving advice, but I feel the need to do so right now. See, a lesser known tid-bit about good’ol Xmichra here, is that my husband’s mother is pretty much the same as your future father-in-law. Only we’ve had 12 or so years to calm down. Lol...

You can’t change what they think; you can’t change how they feel. BUT you can’t let that get in your way of happiness. They will just have to “deal” because as we all know, this part isn’t theirs to live control or have say on.

The part that is hard to digest, right now, is how the dad is treating your future wife. I don’t have a suggestion for you, because this isn’t anything that you can change. This one is up to her. She has to take a stand and tell her father that it is unacceptable to brow-beat her and constantly down-grade your relationship and you. It is up to her to set the standard for how he treats her, and you, and the relationship. So my advice to you is to let her do that herself. You can’t push a person to stand up for themselves, and you can’t be the main steam in the engine. She has to do this for herself.

You are young, and could wait to be married. But the law states you can and you both want to get married now. You are taking a really good step going to classes, but remember that those classes are not going to teach you what marriage is like at all. They are from the church, so will likely be honed in to how being religious works with being married, and how it can help you through the tough times. Which is cool, don’t get me wrong, but you will be married and still feel unprepared. I got a little off track there.. what I was going to say was you don’t have to rush, so you two can figure out yourselves and your plans before getting married. Don’t rush in because of the opposition of the dad. I know you will say you aren’t, but really look at this situation and be sure that your hurry to get married isn’t provoked. If it’s not, great. But if it is, you really do need to slow down and think about things.

Bottom line to your situation: You can’t change how a parent see’s their children’s future, and you are not the problem. The sooner you really understand this, the happier you will be.

I hope your fiancée can talk to her father and your relationship with him can move past this soon.


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