Friday, November 28, 2008

New Life

Hello ma-am,

My name is Sabrina.

I need advice, bad.

I have this feeling that my fiancee is cheating on me. He started to ignore me,he even told me he lost his cell phone so he couldnt talk me. I also found messages from other girls,he said hes just being polite. Every thing about him changed,appearance,music & how he treats me. I know that he is stressed because he is in the navy. Just started, but he told me its an 8hr class & thats its,not that difficult. He works out & constantly goes out with his friends. He never calls me/back. And few other things. So is it just me being parinoid?

Thank You So Much

Sabrina Couch

Dear S.Couch

I don’t know if the guy is cheating on you. But something is up if this behavior is out of the ordinary. But make sure that the paranoia isn’t getting the best of you. Sounds like he could be brushing off something about the Navy courses he’s taking... and last i checked working out isn’t a bad thing. But if he is constantly going out with his friends, and this is a new thing, i would ask what’s up.
He may not be cheating at all though, so definitely don’t accuse him of that. Maybe approach him regarding his lack of effort to spend time with you, and that you two need more time together. Maybe the guy is getting cold feet and doesn’t know what to say to you. So just ask.
I would wonder why he would lie about losing a cell though. Are you sure that he didn’t actually lose it? And when you are calling or texting him... how often is it? I know that being overly exuberating can be annoying to others. So you could try cutting back on the amount you do call him. I mean, I am married and find it ridiculous when my husband calls me for no reason. During the day, I work and I’m busy, and I don’t need someone interrupting me all day long. So I can see if he is getting annoyed if you aren’t calling or texting for a good reason and he is either at work or in class. Make sure that you are respecting his time, and that isn’t a factor in your suspicions.
You need to sit and talk with your guy. Obviously he isn’t spending enough time with you for your liking and you are not feeling secure about his fidelity. Just be sure not to get mad and accuse when you are talking, and i think the two of you can work things out.

Good luck!


Dear Ms. Couch,

You know what they say about how to tell if your dog is really your dog, you know if he's really loyal or not, right? You take him off the leash and watch to see if he comes back to you. If he comes back, of course, he was always yours. He might run amuck for a minute but he should come back. If he does not, he was never yours and it's better to write it/him off as a lesson learned. You then begin to place your time, energy and devotion, elsewhere. Something to think about...

There are a few things to think about as well before coming to any conclusions concerning your boyfriends behavior. For one thing, I know that right now he can not really commit to things in the same fashion, the same way things were before. If you keep pressing him or "hounding" him you will push him further away.

Now, I am not telling you that you must put up with things as they are but
he's not going to give you, at least for the moment, any more than what you are getting.That doesn't make it right or even palatable but that's just the way it is. It is you who must make a decision as to whether you require more from this relationship, whether you are willing to wait for things to die down or if you will begin to get fed up enough to move on. Somehow, I think it will be the latter.

In his defense, I want you to think about a few things. For one, when you first join the Armed Forces, several things are going on. A man/woman finds themselves in places and situations they've never been in, placed in situations that are not always pleasant and for all intent and purpose it can be a very scary time. While you go merrily skipping along, he is facing challenges unlike that of which he's never faced. His integrity, fortitude as well as physical and emotional self will be challenged. Yes, the Armed Forces have a way of making or breaking a man/woman and then rebuilding them back up.

The second factor is what happens, the comings and goings every day when they have down time. Even if he is still Stateside he is building friendships and bonding in those friendships. I can see in my "view over" that his time and attention are being pulled in the direction of these friendships, fulfilling obligatory invites. I see that he is forging forward in this new life, new friendships, new interests and more importantly this common bond he has with those that are going through the same thing he is going through.

I do not know where you fit in with this new life of his? But you've got to either be understanding and patient or walk away and not take it personally.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

"Even the most brilliant minds, may have troubled Souls"

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