Saturday, October 18, 2008
License to Breed
Dear Aunt B,
Hi Iʼm 18 and have just graduated high school and am proud to say that I went threw high school with out having sex but here's the problem I have been with my boyfriend Doug for three years and I am truly in love with him. he is also a virgin and for a long time we talked about waiting till we got married to have sex but we have talked about it and feel that sex is a big part of a relationship that can unfortunately change the relationship in its self. being so young we know that we will have to deal with a lot when we do get married and want to explore as much as we can before we take the next step in are commitment to each other and tie the knot. but I am not stupid my mother was 15 and my father was 17 when I was born. my mother left when I was 3 so I was never able to hear her side of the story but my father has always been open about how hard it was for him to be a teenage parent. so thatʼs why Iʼm so confused these days. I brought up the fact that me and Doug would like to try and have sex but i didnʼt want to do it without birth control to my father he said he would call his insurance and see what we had to do and what doctors were open to me. that was about 6 months ago if not longer. unfortunate 3 days ago one thing lead to another and me and my boyfriend ended up having sex I do not regret it in anyway but now I am more then determent to get on it ( especially since I will be moving in with him soon) but now my father story has changed and he refuses to help me or allow me to use his insurance. with my boyfriend unemployed at the moment and my 7.75 an hour wages I cant afford to go to a doctor and want to avoid planed parent hood at all cost please help I am not sure what to do from here
Dear Vic/ Tory,
If you were sitting right here with me, right now, is exactly how I am going to write/talk to you, ok? I will tell you just like I would tell one of my own (which are many)kids, grandkids or even great grandkids, when they grow up. Capish?
First, I'll tell ya how very proud I am that you waited and you waited to do this (share yourself with) with a guy you care deeply about. It's very true, sex complicates things immensely in any and all relationships. We may not feel the consequences, repercussions or propensity for disaster that sex entails but every single time, you have sex with anybody, you are taking so many chances. It's almost like playing the Lottery; will you win the guy, will you win a pregnancy, will you win a disease? Yada Yada Yada
I imagine you are aware of all these things as it does sound to me like you are very level-headed. I can also tell you are sweet spirited with a strong backbone and moral fiber. Good combo. I hope that you will always stick to your guns when you feel the need. Yes, you will be challenged but it seems to me that you are the type that pays attention and heeds the warnings, especially when it comes to learning from others mistakes. Not everybody has this, ya know. No, some of us dummies have to learn everything the hard way, i.e. myself.
Of course I'd heard if you sleep with a guy you can get pregnant. Did I think it would happen to me? No, I did not and had my first of three sons at the tender age of 16. Women have been getting prego and having babies since the dawn of time, yet I thought that only happens to those other stupid girls. What a dumb ass, huh? Although I'd never imagine my life w/o my boys, I can tell you first hand, it changed my life as well as theirs. Yes, having children not only alters your life but your body as well.
I hope you continue to pay close and careful attention to others' mistakes. If you do, you just might have the charmed life I anticipate for you. Read This!
As I stated at the top of this post, I will tell it like it is, like you were one of my own; If you are woman enough to lay like a woman, you must also be woman enough to find the resources to facilitate your needs...
See, your Dad feels like he's giving you the License to Breed, if he gives in and helps you with this birth control thing. Somehow I just know he has contemplated all this and feels he does not want to sanction your situation. It's quite possible he feels that if he holds out, so might you? I know he can have misplaced and misunderstood emotions/behaviors/reasoning but he loves you like the sun. He's a bit gruff and can be quite stubborn but he only has your best interest at heart. It's actually quite hard for him to stomach the idea of some guy laying down with his baby no matter how hard he tries or how open minded he tries to be. Ya gotta love him...
I don't know what your beef is with Planned Parenthood, although I have a good idea(and feel the same way). Your values and beliefs are very strong and I can appreciate it as well as honor it. Keep those "colors" flying high. However, I tend to think that you should bend just a bit and look at the good aspect of what they are doing; Preventive Medicine.
Preventive Medicine is a good thing. If they can stop even one unwanted pregnancy, I'm all for it. If they can prevent just one girl/woman having to make the choice of whether or not she'll get that abortion, I'm all for it. I will say it loud and proud; I do not believe in Abortion. So, let's do everything humanly possible, before hand to thwart and nix an unwanted pregnancy. Make's sense, does it not?
So, if possible, embrace that last paragraph and get your butt up there before you find yourself asking Dad for two more things; can you get married or can he pay for you to go to the Obstetrician?
Keeping It Real,