Dear Aunt B,
Recently i have just broken up with my boyfriend of 7 months.Now, 2 months later, i find myself hooking up with him every weekend. My friend who is really good friends with my ex talked to him about this and he says he still really loves me he just didnt like it when we were going out and i dont know why. i dont think i can take much more of this hooking up and knowing that he is not mine anymore and could do this with other girls. i want him back so badly but just dont know how to do it. should i confront him with what i think and tell him how i feel or should i just sit back and wait and let him come to me?
Please help i really hate feeling so hurt
You've heard the old expression, "Why pay for the cow when you get the milk free," right? Now of course, that's a really old expression but it just goes to show you that guys are similar, if not the same, since the beginning of time. Yes, they may have evolved to a certain extent but for the most part, a guy's gonna do whatever he's allowed to do. Meaning, he'll try anything so as to not have to commit if he can get the milk for free.
Yes, I do believe he does care for you, don't get me wrong. He is and will only do what you let him. Now, you've got a stuck feeling, don't you? Meaning, right now, you'll settle because you're not ready to just let him go. If you demand that he commit, you think he'll run, huh? So, you go on just like it is. Oh and you can bet it will not get any better but will only get worse, mark my words.
See, you've given him license to do whatever he wants, even if you didn't realize it. Yep, he can date other girls, fool around here, fool around there or if things don't work out with this chick or that one, he knows he won't be lonely cause there you are, the loyal ex girlfriend. Right now, he's got the very best of both worlds and it will stay that way till hell freezes over...unless you change it.
Deal now or deal later but you will have to deal. Pull Off That Band-Aid now, once and for all. Take a stand and one of two things will happen; Either your boyfriend will be yours or he never was in the first place. But you have got to lay the down the law or he will continue to disrespect you, I guarantee it.
You can bet I know how uncomfortable you are. On one hand you're afraid to say anything lest he wants nothing to do with you and you get nothing. But seriously, G-Friend, you've got nothing now, if your guy doesn't respect you enough to commit. Capish?
It might hurt, to tell him that you no longer want to see him in the manner or the way things are right now but in the long run, you'll gain your boyfriend back, more committed than ever or you'll gain back some semblance of dignity. You and I both know, you can't hardly look yourself in the eye, right now cause we both know that it is beneath you to be treated this way. Now isn't it? Never settle.
I think you should tell him that you are onto his game and are no longer willing to play by his rules. Put on your Bitch Belt and let it be known you will start seeing other guys. I do believe he's counting on your loyalty to him and figures that you'll never go out with anyone but him. He's counting on you being there and putting up with his crap. But if you really wanna make an impact, you'll tell him you're done, over, fini finally and that you'll move on if he's not willing to feel how you feel. Sometimes, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do and make 'em cringe and feel the pain before they'll understand. You may very well have to make him feel how it feels to wait at home while you go out with another guy. I assure you, he does not feel you are capable of doing this. No, he's counting on you being all messed up over him. So, you show him how the game is really played, if you must.
If you are ever going to win, it won't be by tolerating his BS. No, you'd better step up now or forever hold your peace and be miserable. Put your foot down now and break the chain. It won't get any better on it's own...guaranteed.
Keeping It Real,
It sounds to me like you really care for him? But the question is; Does he think about you other than on the weekends?
It really sounds like he is dependent on you if he can't find someone else. To test this theory, go out with him, on the weekend but don't have sex with him. Try this several times and if it works, where he's not demanding sex then you know he just wants to be with you. But you and I know this will not happen, will it? He wants those weekends with you to be sexual, doesn't he?
Is it all just a Booty Call? Or does he really care? Refuse sex with him and find out.
On Your Side,