Saturday, November 10, 2007

Sense and Sensibility

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt Babz,

I am a 16 year old girl and I am in love with a 23 year old girl. She's funny and she's immature and at the same time she's mature. I know I'm dealing with two different taboos here but I can't help it. I haven't told her how I feel but I've told my friends and they're very supportive and I've told my mom and she doesn't have a problem with it either. Everyone likes Shanna. We're really close friends and I've known her forever it seems like. I know everything about her and she knows everything about me. She's my best friend. I met her when I was 13. At that time all I ever did was sit in front of the radio in the kitchen and think about suicide. Everyone ignored me and no one really knew who I was. Everyone always said "Kasey? Sure she's like "this" or "that." and no one ever really saw me. Even my own family ignored me most of the time unless they wanted something. The thing I remember most about meeting Shanna is that instead of looking through me or around me she looked straight at me. She saw me when no one else did or would. She saw me when I was the most invisible girl in the whole world. I've known, really and truly known I was in love with her for about a year now but I haven't been able to tell her for several reasons. First, she is older than me and I don't want her to get in trouble if we did date. Second, we have such a good friendship I'm scared I might ruin it. Third, I don't know if we're allowed to be together even if my mom says it's okay. I live in Nebraska and I'm not sure what the laws are. I love her so much and I don't know what to do. She's the only person that I confide in fully and completely trust. I don't know where else to turn so I need to know. Are we allowed to be together now? Or do I have to wait? And if I do have to wait, then how long does it have to be? When are we legally allowed to be together? Should I tell her how I feel? Please help me. Please?

Dear Friend,

I can immediately tell that you are a passionate, deep thinker. Besides this, I feel you are rather mature for your age, wise in many ways, far beyond your years.

You may very well be on the same intellectual level as the girl's who's stolen your heart? The concern, of course, as you know, is the legalities of this situation. Yes, it may be an uncomfortable situation, if you bring it up? It may very be a set up for a let down?

Here's the link for, where you may find your state and consensual sex laws, for your state. According to her chart, for Nebraska, it says that the consensual law for your state is 17 and as far as the issue of male/female it says;
"Law invalidated." I'm not quite sure what that means?

I am suggesting, that you read her entries on this subject, get out of it what you can and apply what is applicable. After you've read this, I would do some soul searching. You obviously have, to a certain extent or you'd have not written me, right? But I do understand your dilemma and uncertainty, as to how you should proceed.

I do believe, love is love and it can't be shut up, shut down or denied. I guess what I'm saying is that, while I can't encourage you to behave in an unlawful manner, possibly you can make your feelings known, a little at a time. Subtle innuendo, body language and so forth, speak volumes as to how you feel for her. She'll either get it or step back. While I realize that you fear rejection or even worse, ruining your friendship, how can you continue to deny your feelings? I think you take baby steps, bide your time, till your 17th Birthday and as I said before, you hint to her, just how much she means to you.

I have the feeling, if you handle this, in an adult manner, look at it carefully and weigh the odds, you can't go wrong. What I mean is this; This can and will be a win/win situation. You must simply be prepared for every aspect of the outcome. What are the eventualities of this scenario? She could do several things, including tell you that she's not into that type of thing? She could tell you that she only wants to be friends? She could tell you that she doesn't feel the same way about you, as in she's not in love with you? She could tell you that while she does care greatly about you, she's not willing to place herself in jeopardy, concerning the legal ramifications of dating a younger woman? (If it were me, I'd worry/contemplate that if I broke up with you, you could use the situation to your advantage, against me and have me charged with statutory rape, as I've seen this happen, time and time again!) She could tell you, "Hey, let's wait till you're 17 and then we'll date?"

Now, there's just a few examples of what could happen. I somehow doubt that she will be angered or rip up your friendship, if you convey your true feelings. See, I don't believe you'd have a friend or care for someone so very deeply, if they were the insensitive and non caring type. She may very well, tell you that she wants to just remain friends, no harm, no foul. But if you look at every single thing, every angle, every possibility, weigh it all out, look at it real good, sensibly, fairly and intelligently, you have just diffused, taken away it's power to hurt you. Be prepared for anything and realize that the eventuality in all this is that she might not feel the same way. Right? Use your power of deducement, sense and sensibility and you'll own the situation.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

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