It's A Matter of Trust

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt Babz,

HI MY NAME IS NICOLE. I HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR OVER THREE YEARS NOW. HIS NAME IS JAMES. WE HAVE A 1 YR OLD BABY TOGETHER. OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN KINDA ROCKY THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS AND ALOT OF IT HAS TO DO WITH ME. I FOUND OUT A COUPLE YEARS THAT JAMES WAS ATTRACTED TO MEN. HE SAID HE WAS BI. WE CONTINUED OUR RELATIONSHIP TILL NOW. I HAD SOMEWHAT DISTANCED MYSELF AWAY FROM HIM BECUASE I WAS SCARED. NOW HE TELLS ME THAT HE WAS TRYING TO HAVE SOMETHING WITH ME AGAIN AND I DIDNT LET HIM SO HE MOVED ON WITH HIS LIFE. WE LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE TOGETHER SO ITS REALLY HARD FOR ME TO DEAL WITH. HE IS TALKING TO A MAN NOW. I HAD FINALLY REALIZED THAT I LOVE THIS PERSON AND THAT I DO WANT TO BE WITH HIM. HE SAYS HE WILL GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE BUT HE IS GOING TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND IF SOMEONE ELSE COMES ALONG. OUR SEX LIFE WAS ALWAYS GOOD. WE HAD BEEN TALKING THE LAST WEEK ABOUT US. HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD DREAMS ABOUT US GETTING MARRIED. I THOUGHT THAT WAS ODD BECUASE HE HAD DREAMS ABOUT US HAVE A DAUGHTER TO AND THAT HAPPENED. THE ONLY THING IM LOST ON IS HIS SEXUALITY. HE SAYS HE CAN SPEND HIS LIFE WITH A MAN, BUT HE ALSO SAYS HE CAN SPEND HIS LIFE WITH ME IF WE WORK THINGS OUT. HE SAYS HE INTENDS TO HAVE GAY FRIENDS. BUT HE ALSO SAYS THAT HE WANTS A CONNECTION WITH SOMEBODY WHETHER ITS A MAN OR WOMEN. I DONT KNOW IF HES TRULLY GAY OR IF HE BI. HE SAYS HE FINDS MEN REALLY ATTRACTIVE BUT HE SAYS HE COULD MARRY ME IF WE WORK ON IT. CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME SOME INPUT ON WHAT YOU THINK?
THANKS
NICOLE

Dear Nicole,

My first instinct and thoughts are that you must not settle. You mention that the sex is great but out of a 24 hour period, how much of that time is spent in the bed, huh? You must also enjoy the company of your lover/husband. Now, you may very well have just failed to mention, that you enjoy his company? But first and foremost, your man must also be your best friend and someone you can trust.

Trust comes in many forms and fashion. Trust can mean, that you trust him with your very life. Trust can also mean that you trust that he will not hurt you, once you've invested your heart, with him. Of course, can you trust him to be loyal and monogamous? In this day and age, you sleep with whomever he sleeps with, get my drift. I have many friends with HIV/AIDS and Hepatitis C, including myself, my dead husband and my second husband, so don't think it can't happen to you.

My advice to you, is to make your feelings known that if you two do hook up, you must be able to trust him, as you have far too much to lose. I also would like you to really look at your real relationship; Is it a fancy? Is it really love or infatuation or lust? Make sure you know the difference before you commit.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz