Friday, November 9, 2007

* Knowing What’s Best for Baby *

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

dear aunt Babz,
I am wondering what to do about my boyfriend of 6 months, he is to possesive and always suspects that i am upto no good, we are in a long distance relationship so i to some extent understand, when we go out and he a guy looking at me he accuses me that i am involved with the guy,as a result this has always caused us to have major fights and have broken up many times and making up .
He keeps a record of all the fights that we have and he always brings them up. I honestly do not understand what his problem is since he is always trying to find fault with me.
His birthday was last month and i was expecting him home since he had communicated this, i therefore did not send him his gift since i wanted to give it to him in person. He did not take this well and said that the least i should have done was to send him a card.. After we spoke that night he said he will talk to me the next day.
He has kept quiet for over 2 weeks and the other day he sent a text to say that he does not want to be in this relationship any more.
I am dumbfounded and wonders how he could break up because of a simple birthday card.
I have not responded to him and i am honestly thinking that I will not be happy if ii continue to be in this relationship.The problem is I am 3 months pregnant with his baby .Please advice me on what to do.
distressed mom to be

Dear Distressed Mom to Be,

I don’t think dumbfounded is an exaggeration on your part… especially since this guy was acting like a class A jerk.

I personally wouldn’t take another second of time wasted on this guy. Control freaks are mental when it comes to not being able to recognize their obsession, and they are way too unpredictable.

You are pregnant, which poses a bit of a question of weather you can make it without him. And I assure you, you can. In fact the worst possible thing you could do (in my opinion) is to let a child come into this distrustful and destructive relationship. See, a guy like this will fly off the handle over a birthday card. What’s going to happen when he has to change a diaper filled over with diarrhea? Or wake up at 3am because the baby is screaming? Or when you need a break and want time away from the house and the baby? I can tell you, it won’t be pretty.

Another point, is that if you guys keep breaking up and getting back together again.. well that is just not going to cut it when there is a child involved. That much instability will affect your child, and honestly isn’t healthy for you either.

If I were you I would cut my ties with this guy romantically and ask him to be a part of your child’s life. He is entitled to that much. But to continue down the road of on again/ off again and tantrums and control… that is way too much hassle for anyone let alone a Mom to be.

Let us know if you need help hooking up with a support group for single Moms, or anything else that we can help you out with okay?

Take care, and good luck.


Aunt Babz Said...

I tend to agree with Xmichra on this. I would encourage you to cut the ties now, rather than continue in an unhealthy relationship. I've never read real medical documentation but I somehow feel that your child is affected by your demeanor during your pregnancy. If you're constantly scrutinized, picked apart and made to feel badly about yourself, I believe it will not be good for you or your baby.

I also agree with Xmichra, when she told you that you can do this by yourself. No one promises that life will be easy, ever but Happiness is surely a state of mind, my Dear. If you have to live in a small apartment and eat Ramen noodles and fruit till your ship comes in, you will believe and feel you are happy, no matter what. Or because you don't believe you can do this alone, you can force the situation with this guy. Yes, for forever you will have to answer for everything you don't do wrong, all the made up iniquities and insecurities he has and so on. He obviously has a low self-esteem and doesn't feel good about himself.

What I have found is this; When a guy portrays and acts like you are always fooling around, acting like you are fooling around or he is always accusing you of fooling around, I have found that it is almost a window to his own heart and behaviors, right there for the world to see. What I mean is that men like that don't realize it but at least I can see that when they are always accusing you, when you've done nothing to provoke it, you've done nothing really, to make them not trust you, it is a clear cut reflection of how they actually think. They figure since their mentality is to fool around, that you will do the same thing. Think about that. Yes, I'd be willing to place a bet on this one...he will not be faithful.

Cut the ties, move on, raise your baby in a healthy and happy home.

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