Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Parent Trap

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt Babz,
I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. When we first met he was great at doing all the little romantic things for me, but soon that was over. I figured he was getting comfortable in the relationship and we talked about it; not long after he changed and started again. From that moment on I thought that we would be together forever.

The problem that I have is that in this whole time he has been telling me that he is going to meet my family. The first few months was a no-brainer because I had just got with him, and I didn't want to introduce him to my family if he wasn't going to be the one. When I told him that I wanted him to meet my family, about 6 months into our relationship, he said, okay. Since we had talked before and he had followed through on his word I had no reason to doubt him. Well, one thing always comes up when its time to meet my family, he's not feeling good about the way he looks is the main one. Now, 2 years and 3 months later he promised me that he would meet them on Thanksgiving Day, and when he found that he wouldn't be able to be with his family he said he didn't want to meet them. I have told him that if he wants to be in my life he has to let my family in too. I don't know what to do.
Thanks for your help.
Manny G

Dear Manny,

Well it sounds to me like this guy is really afraid of the parents huh?? Some people are like that, and they do need to do things in their own time. But I feel that you have been very reasonable with allowing a lot of time to pass already.

Do you live with your boyfriend?? Because if you do, then this is a long stretch to have not met the parents. I mean, I can see it if you live in another state or something. But two years is something I would qualify as a serious relationship… and that should definitely warrant an intro to the parents.

I would do with this situation the same as you had done with the small romantic things conversation. Sit him down, and explain the importance to you that he meets your parents. That it is important for the both of you as a couple, and that it is important to your family. If he is worried about his appearance, you will definitely want to boost his ego too. Not ridiculously so that it is unbelievable. But saying things that are reassuring, like “I love you” daily, and telling him that your parents will love him because of the way he treats you, and telling your parents nothing but glowing things about him. Those things will make a huge difference in a guy who is uneasy because of his looks, playing up on his best qualities and making him aware that you want him for him. That will be good.

But in the mean time, you need to figure out If there is another reason or obstacle that he is reluctant to meet your parents. Did something happen with you two in the past that wasn’t so good? Do you speak well of him to your parents?? These questions will help you to understand his point of view.. that is if this actually applies. If none of that sounds like it has any bearing, then do the above-mentioned things and give it a little more time. You love the guy, and he loves you. Like I said before, some people are just weirded out by meeting the parents. He’ll come around, especially with a little encouragement from you.

Good luck, and let us know how you do!


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