Dear Aunt B,
My best friend and I have recently hit a huge pothole in our friendship. It started because her fiance cheated on her and I supported her. I let her cry on my shoulder and listened to her. Well, her and her fiance are still going to get married and I told her I didn't feel comfortable being her Maid Of Honor anymore. He treated her so badly and it's not the first time he cheated on a girlfriend. Ever since I made that statement things have gone downhill quickly. We have been getting into huge fights and we had a big blowout the other day and now no longer speak to each other. I feel really bad, but she has changed so much and she will have her wedding no matter what. I just wanted to be her friend and be honest. We are no longer friends and it bothers me but she is no longer bothered by it. She now feels she can continue her life without me and I was no bog loss. Should I try to apologize for something I don't think I'm to blame for or should I just give it time for me to get over it? Please help!!! I'm lost!! Thanks!
Dear Ex Friend,
Your bluff backfired, huh? What a damn shame, the whole situation, really. I'll get back to the meaning of the title, ok?
I'll be 50 in February and I must say, I've learned a few things along this journey, my life. I tell my own kids and grandkids, "If you don't want me to hold a grudge, don't tell me stuff about what your girlfriends, wives or husband has done wrong, that is unless you want me to play hardball."
What I mean by this is for starters, you never run home to Mama and tell the kind of bad things that I will find it hard to forgive but you can. As well, you never ever tell a girlfriend anything she might not be able to forgive of your significant or husband. Same principle, different game that's all.
Now, the game you played, for lack of better words, as I said it backfired. You laid out the rules, the terms of the game in somewhat of a bluff. I imagine that you figured your girlfriend would see just how serious you were and you felt you were playing hardball for her welfare, out of caring as girlfriends do.
She might be quite crazy and one of those women that has to learn things the hard way but your girlfriend forgave her man while you could not. If she gets burned, it's on her, is it not? Although you may cringe and shake your head, it will not actually affect you.
You took a stand because you cared so deeply. But your principles and morals can not be projected on her. As well, it is her life and she must live it. The role of a true girlfriend is to stand by her good friend come hell or high water.
Now, here's the clincher; you may very well be right and this guy could be a schmuck. Statistics do show that a man that fools around, will often do it again. But I have seen love prevail as well as a good woman who makes it real well known that she'll not tolerate a man who fools around on her. He won't live to tell...
How do I know that? I was one of those women and I assure you he never messed on me again. He was still a schmuck and I ultimately left him after 19+ years but I guaran damn tee ya it was not because he fooled around.
So, what can we learn, what can we do here? I think you'll have to find it in your heart, some way, some how to remember what girlfriends are really all about. This is my very own creed, I hope you will laugh with me;
Babz' Girlfriends Creed
I'll jump through fiery hoops to help you,
I'll pick up the pieces he's left behind,
I'll cry with you and wipe your snotty nose,
I'll eat M & M's and Ice Cream with you if it helps,
I'll answer the phone at 4am and swear like a seasoned Sailor with you,
I'll drive around half the night till we find him,
I'll help you bury the body...
Then, I'll let you borrow my new lipstick, you know just to shine up!
Find forgiveness. Forgive her for being angry at you. Forgive her for loving him.
Keeping It Real,
"Even the most brilliant minds, may have troubled Souls"