This was sent to Aunt B via email...
Hello Aunt B,
I feel so helpless, I used to be the most coolest guy in my class and very popular. But recently I am very hated. I don't know what I have done! No one wants to be around me! Also when I retried to be cool again I had to leave my unpopular friends and tried for the popular kids' group that went pretty well, until one day everything turned around. Now I have no friends! I feel like such an idiot. Also there was this one girl I was friends with, but I don't know what I did we had a fight and then we were never friends again. Also another girl was my friend until she got me into the most awkward position i could be in. So I called her a bitch and now she hates me! Please pretty please help me!!!! I feel like such an idiot!!! I really hate myself right now!!! plz help me!!!!
Teens years, can be so cut throat, huh? One minute you're in, the next your out. It's then that you feel like the loser, a big fat zero, right?
Popularity is perspective. That's all it is; Perspective. Think about it, you could be hit with an ugly stick, the ugliest guy on the football team, not the sharpest tool in the shed, either and you're popular. How'd he do it?
Popularity is perspective. Ever seen that chick, she's not real cute, dresses pretty cool but she's popular. How'd she do it?
Begin to watch people. Really look at them and see for the first time, what it's really all about; Confidence
Either you have it or you don't.It's really has nothing to do with how much money you have or the clothes you wear. It's a matter of how you carry yourself. It's a matter of the confidence you exude. Believe me, I've seen the vultures circle someone, they go in for the kill and all of a sudden that person falls from grace. They are no longer in the popular crowd, now shunned for life. Some never recover from that sort of thing, believe it or not. Their fatal mistake was, they began to wear a big "L" on their forehead and a big fat "ZerO" on their shirt. Everyone saw it from that day forward and life marches on without them. Now, we can get mad at those nasty vultures and society is full of vultures. But what we need to look at, is the fact that, after attacking that person and pecking at them, they knew they could and that fueled them to do more damage. That person that just got the shit pecked outa them, had no confidence. They began to shrivel up and all their power was sucked right up by the vultures to go on to destroy more helpless, weak people. It gives them strength and more false confidence, as those people don't have a natural sense of themselves but a bully mentality.
Life is full of vultures. You will meet them at every job, around every corner, driving down your street, living next door to you, they are everywhere. They are nasty people who watch for you to expose your soft underbelly, so they can target you and hit you where it really hurts. It is what gives them self worth, it spurs them on, in their everyday life. Pretty rough, huh? There is hope...
Real true friends are family that are hand picked. The other ones come in and go out with the tide, they weren't true and when the shit hit the fan, they ran. A true friend, stays and puts on goggles and stands beside you.
But let me point out a few things; You will not have your friends, when you go for your first, big, real job interview. You may not have friends, when a vulture circles you, at that job, searching for that choice, tender spot, to zing you and they will look.They will always look.
I want you to draw strength from your own mishap. I want you to remember what it felt like to be outside that loop. I want you to begin to look at people, really watch them, see them with your eyes wide open. Those people, that are the popular ones, have faults and if you choose to see them, you will see them. They are there and I will stake my life on it. This is a powerful tool but I want you to use it to take back control of you. So, far, you've given it to others and allowed them to take that power with their assessments of you. They chose to see your faults, hone in on your weakness, your soft spot. But you showed it to them. Now...
Friends are nice to have but you have to like yourself, depend on yourself first. You can't even be a good friend, not a true friend, unless you can be ok with yourself first and foremost. In addition, you really have nothing to offer in any relationship, job or anything in life, unless you are cool with you. So, Babz, how do I get cool with me? Yes, Babz, how do I stop being a big fat ugly ZerO?
The Beautiful People
I have worked in sales throughout my years and let me tell you, if you have any kind of low self-esteem issues, they will be brought forward and you will either run and hide or stand and fight. But working in sales is certainly a proving ground. It ain't for chumps and sissies, I'll say that much. You'd better grow some gonads or get out. But if you've ever looked at some top people, in sales, successful people, in any Industry or Corporation, you'll see one thing, that they have in common; Confidence.
Look at some of the top people, the successful people in any walk of life. If you are into music, look at some of those people. Yes, you'll always have the beautiful people that become successful on looks alone. But honestly, I'll betcha theirs more of us mediocre people than the beautiful people.They wouldn't be special if everybody was beautiful, right? So, what the hell are the rest of us supposed to do to be successful? Well us plain Jane and Joe's may have to jazz ourselves up a bit, you know to be noticed. Keep in mind that theirs a buttload of plain Jane/Joe's too, so how do you stand out from the rest of the vanilla bean people? You gotta add some flavor and flair. But that main ingredient is still confidence. It always starts with a big scoop of confidence.
I was a chunky chick, who isn't genius and really didn't have much spark, I did not stand out in a crowd, that's for sure. I had some serious self-esteem issues and very little confidence. I began to pay attention to people and things, on my own. It wasn't because of some profound epiphany but actual jealousy. I wanted to be like them, I wanted to be successful.I used to go to sales conferences, every Tuesday. I can remember my boss telling us, when we felt intimidated by a client or prospective customer to envision them in their underwear. Eeeeeeeew! But the exercise was to show that they are all human, pointing out that they put their pants on the same way I did, one foot at a time. I found it rather difficult to envision people in their underwear and I'm not much of a peeping tom so I adapted. I began to look at people, even the beautiful people. None of them are perfect, none of them. But what I did notice, when talking to people, was their nose. It moved when they talked and somehow that amused me. It also made me see them as human as human gets. I can't explain why this worked for me but it did and whenever I am intimidated on a one on one situation. I find myself looking at their nose and it somehow puts things, into perspective, humanizes the situation AND THEM. You have to do whatever it takes to realize that, truly, they are no different than you and certainly no better.
So Anonymous, I'd be willing to bet that you are a mediocre kinda guy, average grades, bright but not genius. You have to work at your studies, it's not always easy. You don't have things handed to you at home, your parents are not rich but you guys are comfortable. I mean, you are not doing without, right?
No, I'm not trying to point out that out of the "have's" and "have not's" you are one of those that doesn't have and get it all. Actually, that is the secondary issue. The first issue, is you.
When you look in the mirror, you see an average guy of average intellect, of average means, with average clothes, don't you? You suffer for that, too, don't you? You feel slighted and wish things were different, don't you? Now, at this very moment in time, you feel rather unpopular.
It all starts with your own acceptance. OK, so you are not the best looking guy to roll down the pike. You don't have a fancy car and clothes. It is not your lot in life, at this moment in time. But you must begin to be ok with this and you. Don't ask me how I know things but you are a really good conversationalist, but need to be a better listener. You are a loyal friend, the kinda guy who will go the distance and put on those goggles when the shit hits the fan. You have a good heart, you are a bit mischievous but you do not try to hurt people. You despise those that use others to get what they want. You dive in when it's something of interest but stay put if you are not motivated. This could be misconstrued as laziness but you are just not interested. You like things orderly but are not motivated enough to get them that way and you need to work on that. You know you always feel better when you make your bed and get your homework done. Stop procrastinating and just do it. Every time you do something you don't like and get it done, it's an exercise in empowerment.
So, we've looked at the whole shebang. You have to be ok with you. Accept who you are and realize that it's ok to be ok. I'm ok and I'm ok with being ok, get my drift? Next, you try to improve upon what can be improved upon. Do the best you can with what you have. But don't sweat the small shit....remember that it's all small shit.
I realize this may seem complex and I may seem to rambling here. There is a method to my madness.
You must realize that life is all perception, how we perceive each other. When someone meets you and if you feel like a zero, that is the assumption they will go with. You don't have to say a single word. People can read your body language, how you hold yourself and your degree of confidence. Hold your head up, shoulders back, uncross your arms or take them out of your pockets. Take notice of the way you stand or walk and I want you to begin to realize that you are an important person. From this day forward, you will realize that you are somebody, who's one of the good guys.You do not have to have friends to complete you. Because you are ok with yourself, you just Do Not Have To Have Friends, to define you or who you are.
From this day forward, when you get up and shower, ready yourself for the day, I want you to splash on some of my Signature Men's Cologne. It is a special blend of Confidence, Empowerment, Assertiveness and Control.
It is a scent that speaks for and of itself. It is a scent that people are comfortable with. It can't be bought on the shelf like CK1 or any other designer cologne. It is a scent worn by the enlightened and the enlightened only. You are now Enlightened. But Babz, what the hell is that?
You are the kind of guy who is fair, loyal and trust worthy. Your hand shake is as binding as your word and stronger than any contract. When you walk in the room, people notice because they see a guy who shines and is in complete control of himself. He's never afraid to ask for help, if and when he needs it. He's not afraid to show his sensitive side because he knows he'll recover from it. He gives respect and commands respect in return. he realizes that, he designs his own destiny. If he is to be successful, he knows he must pursue it because it will not come looking for him.
He's OK with who he is, take it or leave it. You can smell his confidence, when he walks in the room.