Rough Patch

Dear Aunt B,

A while ago I went through a bit of a rough patch, I withdrew myself from my
friends and stopped going out with them. I felt very depressed and I don't know why.
Now i'm feeling so much better and I just wanted things to go back to normal with my friends but it didn't. I have no close friends anymore and i feel stupid trying to
talk to people who have no interest in me. They're not outright mean but they never
invite me to go out anywhere and I feel pathetic asking if I can come. I feel like I have lost so much of myself and i don't know what to do. I've tried making other friends but its my final year at school and everyone has their own friendships.Its just really hard because I have no one to talk to at all. What do you think i should do?

lisa


Dear Lisa,

I do so apologize for the delay in answering you. I am knee deep in taking care of my newest Grandbaby and am rather consumed. Quite actually, I think I'm in love with this sweetest of babies but non the less, I thank you for your patience.

The first thing that comes to mind was the adage, "You can never go home again." That means that once you leave, even a vacancy if only in your mind, well, things will never be the same. See, while you were in your head and going through what you were going through, life, people, every day living kept on going.

The second thing that comes to mind is the very fact that while you were going through this "rough patch" was anyone even there for you? If they tried and you pushed them away, that's one thing. But if they did not try, well, my conclusion is an obvious one; They were not 'good friends' to begin with. At least not in the sense of the word "friendship" that I know of???

Babz' Girlfriends Creed

I'll jump through fiery hoops to help you,
I'll pick up the pieces he's left behind,
I'll cry with you and wipe your snotty nose,
I'll eat M & M's and Ice Cream with you if it helps,
I'll answer the phone at 4am and swear like a seasoned Sailor with you,
I'll drive around half the night till we find him,
I'll help you bury the body... Then, I'll let you borrow my new lipstick, you know just to shine and freshen up!

from Bluff Backfired

For real though, unless you pushed everybody away, you'll need to redefine yourself and fashion yourself into an independent individual who does not need friends. It is then and only then that true friends will be found.

Just for the sake of opportunity, this premise that I just mentioned "you'll need to redefine yourself and fashion yourself into an independent individual who does not need friends" applies to how you'll relate to a potential suitor as well.

I hope you've addressed why you went through this rough patch, as depression tends to visit, quite often when we least expect it???

First and foremost, I hope you'll see that when God closes one door, He opens another and another. Look for that door of opportunity. Also remember that all things happen for a reason.

Whatever that reason may be, it will be up to you to find it. It may have been to save your life from a disastrous situation. Was someone you ran with hurt in an accident or something of that nature?

If I were you, I'd find something to hold your interests; a hobby, take long walks, etc. You must realize that at your age, "You'll want what you want when you want it NOW." Unfortunately, life does not work this way so you'll need to form some patience.

(In The Zone)

Ah yes, patience is the virtue you need to work on as I see things jumping off for you...just as soon as you begin to realize that friends do not make or break you.

A part of me can see that for the most part, you are extremely independent, kind of a loner? Quite often you wish to stay holed up in your room, stuck in your head as you do so tend to over analyze everything and anything.

I'd like to see you step out into one thing, one adventure, something you'd not normally do. Allow yourself to be led by your heart and not your head. This very well may open up those doors.

Yes, patience is your answer!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!

Love or Money???

Dear Aunt B,

Subject: Which Woman (love or money)


I'm a big blog fan of Xmichra and harbor a secret crush on her to spite the Aunt Bee Question. Ok, here we go:



I'm a 50 year old man from California, divorced three years ago. I have a good job and make good money, and at present I have two girlfriends.. Each knows about the other. Each is upset that I see the other and I need to make a decision. Can you help:

Woman 1: 40, very pretty, medical doctor, fun to be with and I love her because I simply do. The chemistry is phenomenal. She still has nearly half a million in med school debts outstanding and if we end up together, I'm going to end up assuming liability for some of that debt simply because I know I will. Yes she's a doctor, no, she can't save money.

Woman 2: 38, stunning, some college, fun, flirtatious, and she's all over me like a cheap suit. Hinted at marriage, openly said no pre-nup, and she's personally worth over $50 million (family money). I don't have the emotional connection I have with Woman 1, but she seems to be hung up on me. It would be very easy to be married to her, but she's not my best friend.

What do you think?

Love or Money?





Dear Love or Money,



Geez, you made me blush! Thank you :)



Now to get to your question. For love or money... it’s a tough call when you have a good chemistry, but it’s pretty apparent that you feel love for woman#1 and not for #2. So, to me, the rational choice is woman #1.

As for the “I'm going to end up assuming liability for some of that debt simply because I know I will” portion, well only you can control that. The woman is forty, and well understands a thing or two about life so I imagine if you had discussed this before getting completely serious (marriage, common law etc) that it wouldn’t be unreasonable to establish that her debt is in fact her own to clear. If you are the sort that simply cannot deal or function with dual bank accounts and separate payment responsibilities then that is more about the person *you* are than a “down side” to being with her. Don’t take that too offensively, as I am “that sort’ as well. I can’t watch my partner not go out for a meal because he can’t afford it, but I can. I believe in sharing responsibilities and sharing accounts and debts regardless of who’s is what, and then making mutual agreements on a budget and payouts. But that is *my* outlook, and not necessarily the popular one.



Anyway, to make this a little clearer, money is great fun and makes life seem a lot easier, but the company of someone you love is priceless. Sounds cheesy, but it is true. You probably know this already, having been divorced, that being in love with someone is more important than financial accommodation or comfort. And having said that, would you really want to be in a marriage or relationship that wasn`t 100%, after being in one like that already... my guess is no.



I think you know the answer. Now it`s just time to get the courage to put it to action.

Good Luck,

X-Xmichra

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!

"Self-Will Run Riot"

Dear Aunt B,

My Name is Beth and I am 24 years old from Colorado..A few months ago or more like since January I met this guy through some friends of mine and I had a little crush on him for a while but ended up getting over him.. or so I thought. anyway, I started to pray for him ( we both are christian and go to the same church and what not and have the same group of friends). for a while and still now I have been praying that we continue to be good friends and that we would talk and everything.. well God sure seemed to answer those prayers. I only prayed for him every night when I went to bed like I did for all of my other friends and thanking God for putting them into my life and everything. well..the last few weeks I started noticing how I started to pray for him much more during the day than i did my other friends. It is getting to the point to where I almost go through a whole day just praying for him and I feel like God has put him on my heart for some reason even though the chances of us being in a relationship is very unlikely. I don't even know why or where even it started (the constant praying for him part came from). I have been trying to force myself to get my mind off of him and it is not happening.. for a long time it seemed to work. I have never had this problem before with getting over crushes (even ones that I saw all the time).Then Last night I had this dream out of nowhere that he and I were slowdancing in a school gym with a few other people and I dreamed that he was the one for me and everything. I don't know if you can help me with advice or if you know much of how to help me in my situation and such.. I have been trying really hard to get over him and none of this has ever happened to another guy I know ever before and I totally thought I was over him and such. I am asuming that I am just over reacting to this and am over analyzing...but I don't know.. what are your thoughts?
Thanks,
Beth
Dear Beth,

Well my friend, a couple things come to mind as points to ponder;

#1 Are are thinking about him because you've stepped up your prayers for him, thus the dreams. And vice-versa?

#2 Are you forcing your wants and desires, in the form of prayer?

#3 While I hear you say that you are praying, are you allowing time for God to speak to you, in and within this dialogue?

First, I wanted to commend you in your devotions. Too often, I do believe people fall into the rhetoric of ritualistic behaviors. What I mean is that they view prayer as something you do at a certain time, every day or right before bed, etc.

In truth, just as you might stay on the line with your bestest of bestest friend, <---(a Babzism)sharing in all things, good, bad and grateful, this is how it should be with our Lord. Stay on the line, after all, there's no long distance fee!!!

I do believe things changed for me when I realized that to stay in constant dialogue with God was quite beneficial to/for me. As well, when I began to see even the smallest things to rejoice in and be grateful for, I am and was comforted.

But even for me, I find myself wanting to run the show. Good ol' "self-will run riot." And all my life, I've wanted to drive the car even though I kept wrecking it. I have to learn to allow the Lord to do the driving as well as "Letting Go & Letting God," in so many aspects of my life.

So, I only speak from experience when I say these things. I also was praying, blurting out things and never taking the time to shush up and listen. I am still convicted of this but that does not mean I won't pass on the tidbit to you hoping you'll conquer in this quest, this journey.

My advice to you would be to continue in your prayer but may I suggest that you speak to our Lord asking him for His will to be done, in all things. Change up things a bit and ask our heavenly Father for divine guidance, wisdom and for your wants and desires to be conducive and in line with His will.

Yes, I'd say that concentrating on this way of thinking will become your answer.

"I will also agree with you, in prayer, this very minute, that all things will be done for the good of and by the grace of our wonderful God. You must seek His face. Yes, seek His face. We'll pray for divine intervention on your behalf. If this fella is the one for you, he will be ordained by God Himself. If he is not your Mr. Right, God will heal your heart by steering you in the right direction. Remember; our Father, when He closes one door, He always opens another. May He bless you, shine upon you with His heavenly Light and show you the way. I also ask that Christ/Yeshua might set about finding you a mate that is hand picked. And may He illuminate your future husband. Whether it be this fellow or not, we can agree, in prayer, that our Lord's will be done and that you and your mate will be to the glory of The Father!"

Listen and be still. Listen for that small still voice to guide your way...

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B



Dear Reader,

God is not putting this bloke into your head, you are. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Now all you need is a little gumption.

Why? Because you need to ask this guy out. Seriously.

You have a huge crush on this guy, and you are friends, you hang out already, so what’s the big set back? I’m pretty sure you can ask him out on a date, and think you really should.

This is an out and out case of a big crush, and wanting to see if it can lead to more. Maybe he is shy, or maybe he doesn’t know how you feel, but he is not asking you out so far, so why not just ask him? The only way you are ever going to figure out if he is meant for you, is by getting to know him on a different level, and I’m sorry honey but praying for him ain’t gonna make that happen. YOU can make things happen, by action.

Be brave! Take a chance! ASK HIM OUT!

Good Luck :)

~Xmichra

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!