Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Dear Aunt B,
Subject: Which Woman (love or money)
I'm a big blog fan of Xmichra and harbor a secret crush on her to spite the Aunt Bee Question. Ok, here we go:
I'm a 50 year old man from California, divorced three years ago. I have a good job and make good money, and at present I have two girlfriends.. Each knows about the other. Each is upset that I see the other and I need to make a decision. Can you help:
Woman 1: 40, very pretty, medical doctor, fun to be with and I love her because I simply do. The chemistry is phenomenal. She still has nearly half a million in med school debts outstanding and if we end up together, I'm going to end up assuming liability for some of that debt simply because I know I will. Yes she's a doctor, no, she can't save money.
Woman 2: 38, stunning, some college, fun, flirtatious, and she's all over me like a cheap suit. Hinted at marriage, openly said no pre-nup, and she's personally worth over $50 million (family money). I don't have the emotional connection I have with Woman 1, but she seems to be hung up on me. It would be very easy to be married to her, but she's not my best friend.
What do you think?
Love or Money?
Dear Love or Money,
Geez, you made me blush! Thank you :)
Now to get to your question. For love or money... it’s a tough call when you have a good chemistry, but it’s pretty apparent that you feel love for woman#1 and not for #2. So, to me, the rational choice is woman #1.
As for the “I'm going to end up assuming liability for some of that debt simply because I know I will” portion, well only you can control that. The woman is forty, and well understands a thing or two about life so I imagine if you had discussed this before getting completely serious (marriage, common law etc) that it wouldn’t be unreasonable to establish that her debt is in fact her own to clear. If you are the sort that simply cannot deal or function with dual bank accounts and separate payment responsibilities then that is more about the person *you* are than a “down side” to being with her. Don’t take that too offensively, as I am “that sort’ as well. I can’t watch my partner not go out for a meal because he can’t afford it, but I can. I believe in sharing responsibilities and sharing accounts and debts regardless of who’s is what, and then making mutual agreements on a budget and payouts. But that is *my* outlook, and not necessarily the popular one.
Anyway, to make this a little clearer, money is great fun and makes life seem a lot easier, but the company of someone you love is priceless. Sounds cheesy, but it is true. You probably know this already, having been divorced, that being in love with someone is more important than financial accommodation or comfort. And having said that, would you really want to be in a marriage or relationship that wasn`t 100%, after being in one like that already... my guess is no.
I think you know the answer. Now it`s just time to get the courage to put it to action.