Lipstick Notch

Dear Aunt B,

hi my name is Ashley. i have been with my husband for nine years. lately he has shown a great interest in pornography featuring black girls with big butts. he also dated women fitting that description while we were separated. i am the complete opposite of that. i am a white petite female. our sex life has diminished. he isnt showing much interest in me. i don't know what to do or what to think. most guys go gaga over me i don't understand why my husband does not anymore.

Dear Ashley,

Unfortunately, this is happening all across America. Due to the prevalence and easier access to Porn via the Internet, I personally believe that our men may be falling into the trap of "Desensitization."
I really feel for you and realize just how important it is for us to be the object of our mans desires. It hurts deeply when we find out that we may not be all that in his eyes. But if every woman in America, especially the wives could actually read our husbands minds, well suffice it to say, we'd be scarred for life, appalled as well as grief stricken.

Men are hard wired differently than we are and are actually in a constant state of warfare as to putting off their desires, not acting upon them and keeping themselves in check. Even the greatest of men have fallen especially when they have some little floozy throwing her junk in his face on the daily. It happens at work, it happens at the bars, it happens when we, as well as they, least expect it.

There's nothing funny about it but it's hard not to laugh when you realize that if you ask the average man about his will to sustain, you know to not fool around on his wife or girlfriend, he'll often feel that he deserves Kudos for his good behavior. I mean after all, he fights it off every day and in a funny sort of way, he does deserve a cookie.

Yes, these days our morals are going to hell in a hand basket and there are girls, not women out there that'd just love to bed Your man down. They see the wedding ring and observe it as a challenge. Just for shits-n-giggles they'll want your husband as another Lipstick Notch on their bed post.

So, what's a girl to do? Well, for starters you must be aware of his needs, not in a subservient way but in an understanding of how he's wired with a mutual willingness to please. As I've mentioned in previous posts you want to keep his attention as well as keep him shopping at "your store."

You'll want to jazz it up, for one thing. It's like this; Marriage and when I speak of marriage I do firmly believe that if you are living together as well as sleeping together in the "Marriage Bed" you are simply lacking a piece of paper that validates it in the eyes of the Law. That simplified, the marriage bed is a partnership, a two to Tango situation and a thing to be cherished and more importantly worked at. It must be cultivated and nurtured if we want it to grow. It must be seen in all seriousness and never taken for granted, our first and foremost downfall.

Flip The Script

My suggestion to you is one where you need to step up to the plate and bat. You need to take charge and begin to fight for your man. This is not "I am woman hear me Roar" speech but I do want you to begin to be less a victim. Begin with a more blitzkrieg approach;

You must state your needs, asserting your likes and dislikes, what you will as well as will not stand for. For starters, you'll have to put the shoe on the other foot...

He will look funny in your high heels, hahaha, but you'll have to put things in terms he'll understand. For one thing, you should ask him if he would be bothered if you were watching other men, porn to be exact? Give him the scenario that how would he feel if he came home, looked at the History on your computer and saw that you were watching men with huge cocks? Yea, I said it! Many men, even if they are well endowed are intimidated by other men and their package if it's bigger than theirs. Ask him how he would feel if he saw that every few days you were watching this sort of thing and not just for a few minutes but for long periods of time. Would it not bother him? Would it not make him feel inadequate? Would he possibly wonder that there's a chance that you were not satisfied with his manhood?

If he says that all that does not bother him, I'll call him a damn liar!!! The point is that that exact scenario is how you feel when he looks at the sort of things he's been looking at. You are not black nor do you have a big booty so how could you ever measure up to his specifications?

All this Porn watching does not mean that he does not love you. What it does mean though, carries the implication that he does, possibly take you for granted and is not doing his part in the cultivation of your marriage? At the same time as I stated before, you've got to work at tripping his trigger. This may be a stinging indictment for both of you?

My Advice would be to sit down and get it all out lest you explode with resentment. Furthermore, I also suggest that you engage him in the understanding, a meeting of the minds that his behavior is hurtful and makes you feel like shit, less than and not capable to measure up.

The Solution

It would be rather kind of him to agree to limit his "Porn Time" just for starters. You'll never get anywhere if you demand it and he'll just begin to get sneaky about it. Putting that shoe on his foot, as I stated may make him understand that it is extremely hurtful to you as well as desensitizing to him. He may not realize it but men who watch really XXX porn, you know the down and dirty stuff have a harder time getting aroused unless they are, themselves engaged in dirty dirty stuff.

So, he'd be doing himself and of course you a favor if he saved himself for you, watched less porn and masturbated less. Yes, normally the two go hand in hand, no pun intended!

Working on your marriage bed action has got to be Priority One. I also suggest that you invest in a vibrator and use it with him in your foreplay. If you need to know why I suggest this, I welcome you or anyone else to write me and I'll be more than happy to communicate why I feel this is important.

Don't be shy!!!You'd be surprised!!!

Email Babz
Keeping It Real,

Aunt B


Further Suggested Reading;

Sexual Healing

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!

Envision Every Answer

Dear Aunt B,

This might not seem like a big deal to other people, but it's taking over my mind.

I am sixteen years old, I am a sophomore. I used to date this guy, we were never boyfriend and girlfriend but we were defiantly dating. He is a senior, he's 2nd in his class president of national honors society and school president. He got into Georgetown, but then decided to go to UNC on a full ride. Which is about an hour from where we live. He broke it off with me after about a month, because he told me he didn't want a girlfriend at the time. There has been no other girls since me for him. This was from the beginning of January to the end of January. I had other casual relationships, but nothing serious at all. I was over him. I really was, like completely. but always kinda in the back of my mind still liked him, but nothing serious. Lately, I've liked him so much. I saw him in the halls and we say hi and stuff. On the last day of school for him [since he's a senior he got to leave before me]. I left him a note and stuck it through his sun roof saying, I know he'll do amazing things in life and thank you for everything. [Ive told him things ive never told anyone because i felt comfortable with him] he responded with a text right when he got the note that said "Thanks so much for the note! It means a lot. I seriously meant everything i wrote in that long facebook message. Bye Isabella.. :( the message basically said that he will always be here for me no matter what. and he thinks im a great person. then i told him, not to say goodbye, but say see you later, because you never know when our paths will cross again. Ever since that, i cant stop thinking about him. It's so horrible. I want to tell him SO BAD how i feel, but i feel like it's too late since he's going to college soon and traveling the world all summer. But i cant stop thinking about telling him, and when i'm about to text him or facebook message him i stop. I went to his graduation two nights ago and he did a speech, and it made me want to tell him even more. this is driving me CRAZY. i cant believe i'm even doing this advice thing because usually i'm a very independent person.

our recent facebook wall conversation: read bottom to top.

Isabella Murray:Yes i was. i saw you. but so did everyone else..hahah.
very good job on your speech, i'm impressed.
actually not really cause i knew it'd be that good.
Yesterday 12:56pm

Joel:were u at the graduation?
Yesterday at 12:44pm

Isabella Murray: It's all good. I'm glad you'll get to do your speech tonight; I can't wait to hear it.
Good luck, even though I know you'll do muy bien.
Fri 1:25pm

Joel: haha yeah im sry about that quick little "hi." i was kinda disturbed at the time and i wasn't thinking straight
Fri 12:40am

Isabella Murray: told you i'd see you again. :)
Thu 7:47pm



Please dont sugar coat anything, i just need real advice! thanks so much!

Dear Reader,

Normally I would be telling you to move forward, because really there isn’t much you can do. EXCEPT, there is one more thing you can do! You can flat out tell him how you feel. If he states the same, great! And if he tells you he’s just not *there*, well you are in no worse shape than you are now are you??

You need to figure out if this is one of those moments in time where you will look back and regret never have telling him your true feelings. Your life from this point on, I am sure will be great regardless of what you choose, but you do not want to be a few days, weeks, months, years down the road and regretting this decision.

There is a famous saying: better to regret something you've done, than something you haven't.

Personally I find this to be true when dealing with matters of the heart.

Wishing you courage & blessings.

X~Xmichra

Dear Reader,


G-Friend, I feel you should live like there's no tomorrow. Always...

The one thing I'd like you to carry with you all your life is very easy and simple. It'll apply to almost every scenario and situation from landing that new job to saying good-bye to a loved one in death;

"Say what needs to be said. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Do your damnedest not too say it too mean"

Aunt B

The crux of the matter is to envision every answer to every question. In example; Let's say you are timid or fearful of asking a guy out. I mean it might take a little chutzpah to wear your heart on your sleeve, at times, right? But in the continuum of living empowered and moving forward, I guaran damn tee you'll get more out of life if you just ask your question. The point is, like I was saying, is to anticipate any and all answers you may get to any specific question. Now, don't over analyze things (as I tend to do it'll drive you crazy, just like me) but as I mentioned, let's say you want to ask a certain fella out. The multiple choice answers you might get are;

Yea, sure I'd love to
No thanks I'm seeing someone
Give me your number and I'll call you
Bitch, ya must've fallen and bumped your head
Not if you were the last imbecile on earth

Yes, a few are a bit extreme, lol but you get the picture, right? OK, so you think of the worst possible outcome to your question/rejection with an anticipatory stance, realizing that no matter what the outcome, no matter what the answer is, even at it's worst, you can live with it. And you hope for the best.

I hope you will write me and tell me that you ingested this and it is working for you. Rejection is never easy, of this I know. But when you come to grips with who and what you are and represent, accept who you are with the knowledge that not everyone will like you, Que Sera Sera, your life will begin. Having said this, the secret is that if they turn you down...it was never meant to be!

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!

Fighting Fire with Fire; SPIN

You may just call me crazy by the end of this post...




Dear Aunt Babs,

I have lived in a new subdivision for about 6 years with my husband and three young children. After the first year a 20's something women moved in next door with her husband and child. On our first introduction she wanted to know every detail of my home (example: square footage of rooms, window count, blah, blah). She made me feel very uneasy so I kept my distance from her, but I would still stay polite and engage in greetings and very small talk.

As we would make improvements to our home like landscaping, painting or basically anything visible. She would always inquire what was going on. I would always say something like oh my husband just likes to stay busy and he's just puttsing around. She would then go to my husband and ask him. I would tell him not to say too much to her because I had a bad feeling about her. But I guess his forty year old dumb ass just loved the attention she gave him. Soon after he would tell her what his plan was for our house, we would get letters from our assoctiation, town hall, and later the police.

She was psycho. But he didnt believe me. He told me I was jealous of her and that she likes him and not me.

Well as time went on it all escalated this is what she did to us:

She poisoned our vegetable garden every year (until she moved)
Screamed at my then 3 year old --It gave him nighmares for years to follow.
Repeatedly called and made false police reports against me.
Her and her friends made jokes about me being fat and old in front of my daughter.(She actually thought I was in my 30's and I'm only about 20 lbs overweight,she copied my hair, clothes,car.)
She would complain to my husband about how horrible I was when he was at work he just listened, never defended me -I overheard it happening once.
She would call town hall, the association for countless issues, and the police just to screw with us.
Throw dog and cat crap in my yard.
Put nails in our driveway (her husband was a carpenter.)
Got other neighbors that were even worse than her to screw with us while she lived there and after she moved away.

Well one day, when I was collecting baby stuff to donate. I was checking a baby monitor to see if it still was good.--Guess who's house had one?The B----dog's, (that is my pet name for her). Wow a gift from God. I soon found out what true evil was. Yes --I did listen. She was obsessed with us. I heard her planning to poison our garden (I taped it), heard her calling police, town and association on us; Telling everyone how much she hated me and that I am making her life miserable.

I never did anything to her. But when I heard her plans she was making to mess with us with her other evil friend and neighbor, I was able to counter them each and every time. It was sooo bad. I just hated the bad feeling of listening but I did protect my family and property. And I felt it was just such a time waster too, listening to her. I heard her beating up her husband, kids and just being very viscious and nasty to service workers, customer service people. B-dog feels she is entitled to everything.

My big opener was when she was bragging to her friend on how she is going to sue me for harrassment and sue my husband for messing up her yard from his landscaping work. She said she was building a case against us. About the landscaping, she tried so hard to get her husband to copy everything we did--I first though of it as "keeping up with the Jones" --but her husband messed up everything on his own under her direction.

That is when we got security cameras and put them on our garden and yard area. We prevented alot of damage to our property. We almost got her on camera poisoning our garden -But her friend noticed the cameras the day of the poisoning and she called the pd and tried to make us remove them. I told the pd the story they did nothing and I also mentioned the audio, the cop said he did not want to hear about it.

Well after a while the Bdog moved and her scumbag friends that live behind us picked where she left off and well it only got worse. But that is another story in itself.

Well a couple of weeks ago, my other next door neighbor had a party for his daughter. Guess who was there?The B-dog. The neighbor is about 44yrs old, newly divorced, he has a good job, 18 yr daughter, 24 yrs old- drug/addict/on parole son, beautiful house and plenty of cash.She is his new Girlfriend. OMG. She is on the other side of me now. He was my best neighbor.He knew that she was awful to us and wost of all she is married with two sons about 3 and 5ish.

Well, when I first saw her my chest got tight and I was surprised, but I remained cool and just kept laughing. I did not interupt the party But we did leave early.

My husband wants to "bust" her and tell her husband what a slut she is and provide him with pictures that he has taken. I would like to do the same but... I have second thoughts. I think the husband would just tell her the info and she would retaliate My nieghbor guy would hate us. She might get kicked out and move in with him sooner that planned. I think she is screwing this guy for extra money and nice things. I also believe that her husband is not cutting it and not working enough to pay bills and mortgage. I think she is looking to upgrade husbands so she can maintain her status.

My question is should we get our revenge on her as mentioned? Or should we just sit back and watch her move in next door. We cannot afford to sell our house to move at this time due to the economy and my husband just got back to work two months ago.

Or if you have any other suggestions, I would greatly appreciate it. I just want the b-dog and the anxiety to go away. I hate the feeling of her threatening my kids and me. I do not want to be her victim. But everytime I was passive with her, She always always turned it up a notch. I am 47 yrs old and I'm afraid she will get physical with me .-I have seen her wrestle other women before. Like her girlfriend that lives behind, us they always wrestle and makeout.I guess thats what they do nowadays.

Thank You for your time.
The BlondeMom

If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang. ~Charley Reese

Dearest BlondeMom,

Wow, you've got your hands full. What a stinkin' wanna be Bitch, huh? I really really can't stand a no count girl like that. She's not a woman so I don't even give her that. One thing I will say I believe; She's so jealous of you she's livid. I mean really why else would she bother with you?

It's obvious that the police don't seem to want to be bothered with what they might term as "Domestic Squabbling." Or Or Or she's blowing the Force and feeding them creme filled donuts made personally by hers truly. {Note to self; Be nice}

Well BlondeMom, I'm old school. I'm Fighting Irish and have been fighting the good fight all my life...well short of those bad girl years I had(but we won't dwell on that, eh?). Suffice it to say, she's a bully, loud and clear. And the thing they've proven about bullies is that they almost always have self-esteem issues thus they use fear to garner respect.

Fighting Fire with Fire

Sometimes ya just gotta get Medieval on their asses and show them how to play the game. Now, Buck the F**k up. This ain't no Pep Talk but simply how you need to begin to see things. Hopefully, your eyes will become wide open. Yes, I want you to begin to see her for what she really is;

"A No Count Piece of Shit Wanna Be Woman"
(But she's really just a lil' girl in big clothes)

Sure she's a tough one but DO NOT be afraid of her in any way, shape or form. This is what she wants and...she can smell the fear. Let me repeat myself and I quote,

"One thing I will say I believe; She's so jealous of you she's livid. I mean really why else would she bother with you?"

I say this with all the certainty in my being. She wants what you have and knows she'll never have it. So, she plays her dirty little games doing her damnedest to best you. You'll have to have a strategy to show her really how the game is played. It does not entail being vindictive or getting even. Nope, it's called;
"Being & Becoming a Righteous Woman," which by the way, she'll never be and can not copy.

You will rise above this, all of it. You will no longer be a victim nor will you be passive. You should take comfort and gain strength just knowing that you have what she wishes she could. But we need not concentrate on this. What you need to do is begin to play the Game...

I would start by spinning a web, spreading a little gossip to someone you know it'll find it's way back to her. I'm quite sure she has a double agent, you know someone who pretends to be your friend yet goes back and tells her everything.

Spin: I would tell this person that you have a friend of the family, a not so nice guy that has seen all the evidence and is working on this. Now, make sure you ask this person not to tell anybody. (Of course, they'll run right back and spill their guts, hopefully).

Spin: You tell them that this not so nice friend of the family is a Private Detective and he's working on the case. You say he's compiling pictures, etc. to use against her. You make sure you mention that he has friends in "High Places" and he plays on both sides of the Law. You give them a few tidbits, morsels to mull over, i.e., that this guy once planted drugs on a guy that had caused a bunch of trouble.

Spin: Then tell them that the guy and his wife went to jail for it. Giggle and say that the Private Dicks client was more than pleased as the pair went away for a few years.

Spin: Then you mention on the D.L. (down low, just in case, lol)that this P.I. is cooking up something real good to handle this all and won't even tell you what it is that way you are not nor will you ever be implicated.

This may make her a bit paranoid enough to leave you alone and to mind her own P's & Q's...

Now, in the event that all this is not possible (I believe it'll work if you set it into action and think about it carefully) I want you to begin a program of assertive posturing. I no longer want you to be a victim in this. I no longer want you to be passive either. You'll put on your "Bitch Belt™" and rise above.

See, I'm a firm believer in a few things, namely body language, innuendo and how one carries themselves. Now, I'm not talking about acting superior or egotistical but you are so far above her it is almost debilitating to her. This is why she targets you. It's actually become an obsession for her.

From this point on, I'd like you to be aware of your posture. If you happen to see her, do not look into the face of fear but put that fear in it's place. I mean, for real, she has no power over you unless you let her. Take it back!!!

No, you'll face this fear, if you happen to run across her and you'll not look away. In fact, you'll look her straight in the face, with a twinkle in your eye as if you have some dirty little secret and you are holding in the laughter. It's excruciatingly funny and it's all you can do to contain it.

She's nothing but a redneck bully, a covetous whore. See her for what she really is and no longer allow her to intimidate you in any way.

My Advice would be to first pray for wisdom, strength and guidance. This should always be your first and foremost direction. And if the afore mentioned SPIN does not work, write me again and I'll tell you all about our Plan B...


Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

P.S. May my good friend, Mz. Karma Bitchslap™ be with you!!


“When you're a beautiful person on the inside, there is nothing in the world that can change that about you. Jealousy is the result of one's lack of self-confidence, self-worth, and self-acceptance. The Lesson: If you can't accept yourself, then certainly no one else will.”

Sasha Azevedo quotes (American Actress, Athlete and Model)

Romans 12:19
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!