Dear Aunt B,
I am sixteen years old, I am a sophomore. I used to date this guy, we were never boyfriend and girlfriend but we were defiantly dating. He is a senior, he's 2nd in his class president of national honors society and school president. He got into Georgetown, but then decided to go to UNC on a full ride. Which is about an hour from where we live. He broke it off with me after about a month, because he told me he didn't want a girlfriend at the time. There has been no other girls since me for him. This was from the beginning of January to the end of January. I had other casual relationships, but nothing serious at all. I was over him. I really was, like completely. but always kinda in the back of my mind still liked him, but nothing serious. Lately, I've liked him so much. I saw him in the halls and we say hi and stuff. On the last day of school for him [since he's a senior he got to leave before me]. I left him a note and stuck it through his sun roof saying, I know he'll do amazing things in life and thank you for everything. [Ive told him things ive never told anyone because i felt comfortable with him] he responded with a text right when he got the note that said "Thanks so much for the note! It means a lot. I seriously meant everything i wrote in that long facebook message. Bye Isabella.. :( the message basically said that he will always be here for me no matter what. and he thinks im a great person. then i told him, not to say goodbye, but say see you later, because you never know when our paths will cross again. Ever since that, i cant stop thinking about him. It's so horrible. I want to tell him SO BAD how i feel, but i feel like it's too late since he's going to college soon and traveling the world all summer. But i cant stop thinking about telling him, and when i'm about to text him or facebook message him i stop. I went to his graduation two nights ago and he did a speech, and it made me want to tell him even more. this is driving me CRAZY. i cant believe i'm even doing this advice thing because usually i'm a very independent person.
our recent facebook wall conversation: read bottom to top.
Isabella Murray:Yes i was. i saw you. but so did everyone else..hahah.
very good job on your speech, i'm impressed.
actually not really cause i knew it'd be that good.
Joel:were u at the graduation?
Yesterday at 12:44pm
Isabella Murray: It's all good. I'm glad you'll get to do your speech tonight; I can't wait to hear it.
Good luck, even though I know you'll do muy bien.
Joel: haha yeah im sry about that quick little "hi." i was kinda disturbed at the time and i wasn't thinking straight
Isabella Murray: told you i'd see you again. :)
Please dont sugar coat anything, i just need real advice! thanks so much!
Normally I would be telling you to move forward, because really there isn’t much you can do. EXCEPT, there is one more thing you can do! You can flat out tell him how you feel. If he states the same, great! And if he tells you he’s just not *there*, well you are in no worse shape than you are now are you??
You need to figure out if this is one of those moments in time where you will look back and regret never have telling him your true feelings. Your life from this point on, I am sure will be great regardless of what you choose, but you do not want to be a few days, weeks, months, years down the road and regretting this decision.
There is a famous saying: better to regret something you've done, than something you haven't.
Personally I find this to be true when dealing with matters of the heart.
Wishing you courage & blessings.
G-Friend, I feel you should live like there's no tomorrow. Always...
The one thing I'd like you to carry with you all your life is very easy and simple. It'll apply to almost every scenario and situation from landing that new job to saying good-bye to a loved one in death;
"Say what needs to be said. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Do your damnedest not too say it too mean"
The crux of the matter is to envision every answer to every question. In example; Let's say you are timid or fearful of asking a guy out. I mean it might take a little chutzpah to wear your heart on your sleeve, at times, right? But in the continuum of living empowered and moving forward, I guaran damn tee you'll get more out of life if you just ask your question. The point is, like I was saying, is to anticipate any and all answers you may get to any specific question. Now, don't over analyze things (as I tend to do it'll drive you crazy, just like me) but as I mentioned, let's say you want to ask a certain fella out. The multiple choice answers you might get are;
Yea, sure I'd love to
No thanks I'm seeing someone
Give me your number and I'll call you
Bitch, ya must've fallen and bumped your head
Not if you were the last imbecile on earth
Yes, a few are a bit extreme, lol but you get the picture, right? OK, so you think of the worst possible outcome to your question/rejection with an anticipatory stance, realizing that no matter what the outcome, no matter what the answer is, even at it's worst, you can live with it. And you hope for the best.
I hope you will write me and tell me that you ingested this and it is working for you. Rejection is never easy, of this I know. But when you come to grips with who and what you are and represent, accept who you are with the knowledge that not everyone will like you, Que Sera Sera, your life will begin. Having said this, the secret is that if they turn you down...it was never meant to be!
Keeping It Real,