Need for Speed

Dear Aunt B,

I'll be 18 in August. I am a member of the drumline at my high school. There's this guy who is the Percussion Director. He's 23 but he'll be 24 in August. I suppose he is still considered some sort of teacher but he does not actually work at the school. Anyway, I completely, undoubtedly, pathetically love him. I am always thinking about him. Always. I can't NOT think about him. Sometimes I wish I never met him because it would be so much easier but I really love him and I'm glad he's in my life. I know him pretty well. He's a friend more than a director or instructor. I trust him and I don't think he'd be that upset if I said something to him and sometimes I think that, if it wasn't sort of "taboo", he might even have the same feelings for me. I was going to wait until I graduate (a year from now) to tell him/ask him but I don't know if I can take it anymore. Delayed gratification or just tell him exactly how I feel? Just how inappropriate would a relationship be right now? How inappropriate would it be after I am no longer a student? Actually, never mind that, I just want him to know how much I care about him. But I'm guessing that would make things very weird. By the way, I don't creep on him or hit on him or do anything weird that he would notice. I'm not like that and this isn't a silly little weird crush. I freaking love the man. I know it's not right but I don't care.

Thanks,

DG


Dear DG,

First I wanted to apologize for the delay in answering your letter. I do value all of the letters I get and am quite behind. I am the primary care giver for my 11 month old grandbaby and it's far more time consuming than I can ever remember. I get nothing done and don't know how I manged to raise my three sons and daughter while working, often times two jobs, as a single parent.

Anyway DG, my concern about all this are, to start, the legal ramifications involved. Because you are a minor and he is not, if anybody found out, (possibly your parents?)assuming you both act upon this love, okay, well, this guy can go straight to jail. I know this is strong language and words you do not want to hear.

Now, don't think I don't understand and validate your feelings. I was married at the age of 16, had my first child at 17(I was pregnant when I walked down the aisle)so I certainly can relate to your emotions. I believe them to be real just as mine were, way back when. And far be it from me to tell you to put your feelings aside...but they may need to wait.

So here's the real deal; Let's say you act on these feelings, first by telling this guy how you feel, right? Well, you may be in for a let down, from the start because of the age difference. What I mean is that he may push you away, even if he does have feelings because he knows it could be an all expense paid vacation... straight to jail.

Right now, across America, there's a huge spotlight on teen sexual exploitation. Shows like Dateline NBC's "To Catch A Predator" starring Chris Hansen, focus on men who try to date teen girls, some as young as 12 years old.

Basically, this show, in case you're not familiar with it, places the emphasis on the online aspect of predatory behavior of men who do not care how old a girl might be, they just want to have fun/sex at any cost.
I do believe this to be a good show and it is gravely important for parents to understand all facets of Online Safety. Parents, in turn, need to discuss online safety with their children especially their teen daughters.

But what does all this have to do with you? As I said, the limelight is on older men dating young girls. You may very well be a mature young lady, one who is hopelessly in love. The problem is that the Laws are in place, moral standards are set, all for a reason; to keep you from being or becoming a victim.

"But I'm not a victim, Aunt B, I love him and I am the one who's starting this whole thing, not him."

I can just about hear you saying this as you read my words. But that is exactly what and how they are going to refer to you, "a victim" if they were to find out that you've gone out with, had relations with, etc. etc., this nice guy. They'll say that you are not capable, at your age of making the decision to give yourself to this man, no matter how hard you protest. And he'll be charged and for the rest of his life he'll have to register as a Sex Offender.

So, these are the cold hard facts of this situation. While I surely sympathize and understand your Need for Speed, I'd suggest putting on the brakes for a minute.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

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