Friday, July 18, 2008

Kick Him To the Curb

Dear Aunt B,

I slept with an acquaintance. He & I used to subtly flirt, and I knew he
was interested in me. One thing led to another, and before we knew it,
we were in bed together for an entire Sunday. He spent the whole time
worshipping me. It wasn't just about the sex that day, we also spent
time talking and getting to know each other. He expressed interest in
seeing me again, and I obliged. We never made definite plans, but we
left on a good note. The sex was anything but awkward. It was
wonderful. When I didn't hear from him the next day, I sent him a text
message asking him when we could see each other again. He gave me the
cold shoulder and later told me that he didn't think it was a good idea
to see me again. He never gave me an explanation, he just told me over
& over again that it "wasn't a good idea." I stopped calling, but I
broke down and texted him about 2 weeks after the time we slept
together. He told me he didn't want to see me, and he didn't want me to
contact him either. I just don't understand. I tried to get a reason
out of him, but he refuses to tell me anything! I know for a fact that
he is single/unmarried. I am a good looking, fun loving woman. He made
it clear that he thought I was gorgeous. I think I would have been able
to handle the rejection better if he would have given me a reason, so I
can make some kind of sense of it. I already feel incredibly stupid for
making an ass of myself, and I feel horrible that he coldly told me not
to contact him at all ever again. I don't know what to do, and I am
stewing. He's making me think I'm crazy, like I had imagined the whole
thing. How could he not be interested after he spent our day acting as
if I were his god? I guess I need advice on a.) how to get over this
rejection and b.) how to turn the tables on him. I must see this man a
few times a week for short periods of time at my workplace. How do you
think I should act when he comes in? If it helps, I am 26 and he is 31.
Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

Dear Reader,

Very few people handle any form of rejection very well, especially without explanation. Maybe this guy feels like an ass because he did behave the way he did? Were you drinking? If the answer is yes, he may have behaved in a manner that was unbecoming to him and he's feeling rather embarrassed.

It's easier said than done but you can't take all this personally. I realize you enjoyed his company but I get the distinct feeling that this guy, well, he's not the one. Now, smooth out those tail feathers, re-apply your lipstick and smile because the right guy with the right stuff isn't too far away. Yes, you've seen him before. You really didn't notice him. He's not drop dead gorgeous but a decent looking guy. Did he wink at you? He has a mix of new and old school values, appreciates a good woman, respects them and is not intimidated by a smart woman, such as yourself. In fact, you are just the sort of woman he will bend over backwards to make you smile. He's a funny guy and until needed and necessary, does not take life too seriously.

Open your eyes, take the blinders off. Thus far, you've toyed with the notion of a certain type of guy. But the kind of guy you've been looking for is exactly like this guy that blew you off. It's not you, G-Friend, it's them and your high expectations.

Lower that criteria or at least analyze it because you've missed what is right in front of you. Normally, you might never consider this fella I'm referring to. I see him and he's of average height and build. No, he's not buff or athletic. He's not rich but he is focused. He doesn't come from the same background as you. He'll be your very best friend though and you'll never be at a loss of words with him.

You took a smack down of your self esteem. There is no explanation as to why this guy behaved as he did except that it was all a front, a game and he was a good actor. Realize that he's not the one and blow him off. Take control here and kick him to the curb, in your mind. The best thing you could do for yourself is to smile when you see him. Inside though, you will see and feel what an incredulous ass this guy actually is and that will make you smile. It's an inside joke and he's the punchline. Mark my words.

Let me know when Mr.Right takes your breath away, will ya?

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz

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