Tuesday, May 13, 2008
You Have to Kiss A Few Frogs
Dear Aunt B,
I came across your site and i think your advice is really clever and helpful so i decided to write.I am almost 25 and I've never had a relationship.I met guys at college but they were only after a quick one and nothing else.I rejected them at the time thinking that that is how college guys function and i didn't really mind.I graduated from college in November 2006 and came back to my hometown.I thought that things would be different.Wrong!It's really hard to meet new people here.Only two guys,who i met by mutual friends,flirted with me:one was,as i later found out,interested in my money(i am not rich,i just have a steady job and he doesn't) and the other one wanted sex and he already has a girlfriend.I don't know what to do,i feel that i''ll never meet a decent guy.A friend of mine suggested that i move to a bigger city (she did that after grad)as our town is a bit trashy.She has met lots of people and she's having a great time.I don't know what to do.
First off, I wanted to comment on your good taste, in choosing our site, lol! We appreciate any good constructive criticism and compliments so I do thank you from the entire staff here at Aunt B's. We really do try to counsel as if you were family, sitting across from us having coffee like two good friends. It works somehow?!
Now, back to our regularly scheduled program...
I'm not sure I have a real or definite answer for you but it is my observation that guys are similar everywhere you go; you have your good and your bad apples in every barrel across the U.S. and I'm sure, abroad. You have to be aware that there are some good ones out there and he's sitting there wondering where you are, as well. I see him. You just must be wary and do not be discouraged.
See, guys are hardwired differently than us. The bad ones don't want a real relationship, are out to get as much booty call time in, as is humanly possible, you know, love 'em and leave 'em. The good guys must fend off the typical male ego stuff and be for real and that's exactly what it is, being a real man doing only what they want done to themselves. In example, a guy who sleeps with anything that's not pinned down is considered "one heck of a guy" and might even be envied by his male buddies. If a woman does the same thing, she's a slut. Am I right or am I right? Yes, the world is full of double standards and that's just one of them but you get the point.
A "Real Man" lives by the creed of doing to others as he would have done to him, as I mentioned and often do in these posts. He isn't afraid to be sensitive and let you know when you've hurt him or equally when you've pleased him. Quite often, he's not concerned with what his male counterparts think of him. He's not full of false bravado and doesn't feel the need to prove he's a man. He's appreciative of women and simply stated, he understands that it takes two to tango, he can't make the world go round without them and respects a woman as his equal. Yes, he realizes there are physical differences and he's rather appreciative of those differences. He also knows for certain that behind every great man is a damn good woman.
Having said all that, even in a place called Sugar Grove, Pa., the "Sweetest Lil Town on the Map," with it's population of 613 as of the year 2000, (I happened to have lived there in the 70's), there's going to be a few good and real men. Don't be hasty and realize that you have to kiss a few frogs to find your Prince.
So you become proactive in your search. Maybe look on the Internet, at some of the dating sites for guys in your area. A word to the wise; If you look in a bar for Mr. Right, you'll more often than not find a Mr. Wrong/Alcoholic/Pick-Up Artist/Booty Caller/Playa/Pimp Daddy/Beer Muscled/Meat Head.
You must look at this just as you would, a life study or even a job interview. What I mean is, let's say, you're applying for a job as a construction worker. You wouldn't wear a suit and tie for that interview. No, most likely, you'd dress the part wearing jeans, T-Shirt, steel toed boots and maybe even a tool belt. If you want a job as a nurse or aide, even if it's not an actually nursing uniform or scrubs, it'd be smart to wear white. Why? Because the employer can now envision you in the job, in the role and they can see it and you in that role. Don't ask me why or how this works but it does.
Similarly, think about what kind of guy, personality wise, hobby wise and so on that you would like to date and hopefully become serious with. What sort of man is he? I mean, delve into your own persona and look deep within yourself. In your mind, shop for Mr. Right, actually see him, in your mind. You know, is he smart, is he thin or muscular, does he have dark hair etc. etc.? Then, ask yourself, where is he? Where does he go on Friday or Saturday night? Maybe he goes to Church on Sunday morn?
You will find him, at the right place and the right time, you need only to ask these questions and put up your radar. Yes, if you do want a guy who goes out with his buddies on Friday night with the agenda of picking up chicks, who cares what your name is, then by all means, go to the bar or club and he'll be there. However, if you want a guy who enjoys spending a quiet night, watching a good flick, eating popcorn, you just might find him at Blockbuster or your neighborhood video store. (Hint Hint)
Keeping It Real,
*Sugar Grove, Pa **Freecycle