Perception of Beauty???

Say No to the fake perceptions. It starts with you, deciding that you are beautiful...just the way you are!!!

The Icing On The Cake

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Dear Aunt B,

I am a homecare worker for a disabled man who uses a glass vase like apparatus to smoke marijuana every day (never while I am present). About two weeks ago, I brushed up against it and a little glass tube thingy fell out and shattered on the floor. I was very apologetic and offered to replace it. Since I have never bought drug paraphernalia before, my boss instructed me on where to go to get one in the area that I live. He also asked me to buy a second one for him, which I fully expected him to pay me for, since I believe that I was only obligated to purchase a replacement. Although it was highly embarrassing for me I made the purchase and I brought two to him the next day, and then the day after that, he emailed me that the bowl shaped ends of the tubes were too small, and he asked me to go to a different shop to purchase a larger ones. I emailed him back asking if I could pick up the first two and try to exchange them for larger ones at the first shop, since I had already spent $18 and I don’t really have a lot of extra money. He seemed annoyed at my request (obviously I was hampering his usage) but he agreed, although wrote that he had already used one of them. So the next day I was in (the following Tuesday) I took the unused one with me and tried to return it to the first shop. They refused to return or exchange it, something I figured might happen. My boss wrote to me that it was becoming a nuisance now, so I asked for the name of the second shop, and after work the next day I drove there, bought a larger one, and drove back to drop it off to my boss. On my way out the door he called out to me to purchase a second one again, but I thought, no way, if I buy two again and they’re again not the right size, then I could be stuck with the bill for those two as well. Since dropping off the second purchase, he has texted me to say that it is the correct size and thank you, but has not offered any extra reimbursement. I felt a little frustrated at this point and so admitted the whole thing to my husband, who said that if I had been stopped by the police I could have gotten in trouble for having drug paraphernalia in my possession (I had a piece of the original broken tube with residue in it for comparing size), and who agrees with me that I should only be responsible for paying for one replacement (at $9), and should request that my boss reimburse me $18 for the other two. Honestly, I know I won’t have the guts to ask my boss for this, and the wimpy side of me says that I created the error in the first place by being clumsy and breaking something, and therefore I am obligated to rectify the situation at my cost. However, there is another little demon sitting on my other shoulder saying, wait a sec, he asked for the second one and it’s not your fault that they weren’t the correct size and that the store refuses to return or exchange them. I have started looking for a new position and will most likely leave my job over this. It has created uncomfortable tension between me and my boss.

What do you think?

Perplexed :o/

Dear Perplexed,

This is enough to piss off a Preacher, huh? I immediately want you to know, that I do, wholeheartedly, side with you on this.

For starters, I think taking responsibility for the accident was kind of you and probably the right thing to do. I feel that paying for one pipe, was fair and fitting. Beyond this, I think he's taking advantage of you and used the situation and your guilt associated with it, to his advantage. That alone, doesn't sit too well with me.

Now, I have an extensive drug past, notice the word "past," meaning, I've been out of the loop for some time now. I say this, to point out the fact that I'm no novice but even I would be quite uncomfortable, a bit iffy, buying a pipe/bong thingy. It's quite possible that your boss, seeing how he's in that loop, might not understand how you kind of went way out of your way for him or your trepidation, purchasing the pipes, over and over. But even setting that aspect aside, I do feel that it's not fair of him, to expect you to foot the bill for all his requests. Actually, I find it down right under handed and wrong. As I said before, I think he's clearly taken advantage of your good nature and kindness, not to mention your guilt for inconveniencing him. Poor baby, couldn't get his freak on, huh?

Looking at things from a medical stand point, there is validation concerning the pain properties, in the medicinal proclivity of smoking pot. HIV/AIDS patients report that it's a great help in their pain. As well, those experiencing side effects from Chemo, say they receive great benefit from this drug. They also take MARINOL® capsules, their primary ingredient is THC and it helps with pain and is an appetite enhancer. This may be a more conclusive answer, for your patient? He needs only to speak with his treating Physician, as this is a better choice, safer and more convenient.

I can see you've had enough and this was just the icing on the cake. I suggest that you write up a receipt for the additional pipes and sit it appropriately somewhere where he will see it. If at that point he doesn't get the picture, it's because he doesn't want to get the picture. I'd put the total there, with any receipts you might have and clearly add it up, so he gets the balance, minus the cost of the first pipe.

I hate to say it but you do have him at a clear disadvantage. If he does not have a medical prescription for smoking, he is doing it illegally. If the subject is broached, after you've given him the bill for the pipes, you need only to make him painfully aware, that you are concerned because this is illegal and you risked being arrested yourself, for trying to help him and being nice enough to replace a pipe you broke accidentally.

If he can't grasp the situation, after saying all that and presenting him with the bill, then is a clear case, proving, why maybe, the smoke has gone to his brain, damaging it permanently, (insert hysterical laugh here). Get out before it rubs off!

Xmichra Said...

Dear Perplexed,

Total agreement with Babs.

I would like to ask, is this a legal use? Because, and i am just going by things up here, if it was for medical use they actually provide implements to smoke the MJ. Also, if it is leagal, and he did break a pipe, he can collect reimbursment through medical coverage for medical supplies.

So, the reason i am asking, is that if it was legal.. you are looking at a cost of nine bucks which is totally refundable. And it was not only unfair to ask you to go and get supplies like this, but illegal. your husband was right on that.

What SHOULD have happened in a legal sittuation, was that you pay him the nine bucks (which BTW is REALLY nice), he collect the merchandise and the reimbursment, and then he in turn PAY YOU BACK. that's how i see it. Yes you broke the thing, but it was an accedent, and it wasn't something that couldn't be replaced.

If it is illegal use, that letter might be a great idea, but i would photocopy the receipts. Nothing says 'not guilty' like lack of evidence. and if you are going to nail this guy for taking advantage of you (and that's what it is really about, not 27 dollars) then you need to excersize a bit of restraint.

Land of Free Water

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

My name is Linda. I have a male friend who is living with me. Nothing sexual. I took him in because he was close to being homeless and had no place to go. No family to speak of. He has been living with me about 2 months, it is my place, I pay all the rent and bills, and he was very aware of the "rules" before he moved in. I am a disabled woman, a VERY private person. I do not choose to socialize with neighbors, having been taken advantage of badly in the past. He is very aware of this. He has no vehicle and no license, he helps me out with chore (I breed dogs) and I pay everything plus provide him with a cell phone. He does help me tremendously. All I ask is that he obey my rules, rules he knew I had before he moved in.

About 5 days ago, a female crack addict moved into the place directly across from us. She immediately began asking him for things, such as the use of my water, lots of my water, in fact, since hers is not on. I was not home when she asked him, and without even calling me on my cell and discussing it with me, he allowed her to take several large containers of water from my outside faucet. She immediately began asking for rides to go get beer and cigarettes, and to use my phone, all of which I refused. I told her I could not continue to allow her to use my water, I am disabled and on a very fixed income. I could tell he got mad at me about it, calling me "cold and heartless". I did not take this woman to raise and I owe her nothing. Last night I caught her stealing water from my faucet, she had 8-10 huge plastic containers, filling them up. When she saw me watching her, she got scared and ran off. He got extremely angry with me for "catching" her and being mad about it. Keep on mind, he pays for nothing!!! He did nothing to back me up or take my side when the Sheriff came. He has had an "attitude" with me all day, he has been to "scared" to go outside my front door, because they might see him and get mad!!! Things worked out great when he first moved in, we helped each other, but the longer he is here, the more he tries to take over, and act as if this is his place and he pays for everything and not me. I do not smoke, I told him no smoking in my house or car and he does it anyway. He is not the least bit sorry she stole my water, he is mad at me for getting upset. He doesn't have anything "going" with her, I can just already tell, he is a first class wimp, too scared to tell anyone no. I no longer want him here, I feel very violated. He knows how bad I struggle financially. He has no place to go. My family is enraged he would do me this way, after I took him in and have been so good to him. They said to take him to a men's shelter. When I called the sheriff on this woman who stole my water, he even called me very ugly names. What can I do?
Thank You, Linda

Dear Linda,

Sorry you have to go through this and no, I don't think he's being fair to you. Maybe he needs notice to straighten up and fly right?

It needs to be made clear, that you will not be taken advantage of, BY ANYBODY, including him, much less the neighbor, whom you don't even know or desire to know. If that makes you the "ugly names," then so be it. But I side with you on this.

It took me years of being taken advantage of to realize that although I'd love to save the world, sometimes I can't. That doesn't make me a bad person, that just means that I am limited, as to what I can do or will do. Water is not free, last I knew and even though it may very well seem petty to your live-in boarder, it is not even his water to give.

Yes, he sees you as being petty. I see it as being wise. But I doubt the expense it the biggest point? Some people, when you give them an inch, will take a mile. The point was just proven by her immediate requests of rides to get beer and so on. Furthermore, it needs to be made clear, that while you are willing to help him, you are not here to save the world, will not and can not.

Now, to set the stage, maybe you need to reiterate your original agreement with him. He was to honor your privacy and he has not. Make it clear that this will not happen again or he can find somewhere else to live. It is not your duty to take care of him and out of the kindness of your heart, you choose to help. By going against your principle rule of privacy, he has violated your trust and the conditions of his living there. Make it clear, this is no free for all and while you do appreciate his help, if it is going to be more bother than it's worth, he can find somewhere else to go, maybe the land of the free water, is taking applications?

Make sure, that you let him know, that you two have a business arrangement of sorts. You appreciate his help and in return, you give him shelter and a cell phone. That is it. If he can not abide by your wishes and we won't even call them rules, then what is the point? Why would you stay in this situation?

Sorry but I do believe there are more handy man/helpers out there, who'd be more than happy to have this arrangement. You need only to run an ad. Now, I know, you've only brought him into your home because of the situation. It strikes me that you're not the type to want another handy man, you're too private. But he must know that you'll do what you must to bring about a sense of peace, one you used to have.

Remind him again, to respect your wishes, no more smoking, stop bending the rules, respect your privacy or turn in his keys and cell phone. That's it and that's all.

Now, let me remind you, if you allow this to continue, it may only get worse. Your approach to this, is the key. Try to sit him down and ask to talk.. Of course, in your best diplomatic voice, state again, what your wishes are and renew your agreement. Let him know, as I said before, that you do appreciate all he does but this can not and will not go on, as it has. But stand your ground now and hopefully, he'll remember your original agreement and begin to honor it again.


Or...let him read this and see it in black & white.