Editor's Note; I received the following email from Sara Wilson in the Media Dept for

The Fresh Air Fund

It looks to me like a wonderful opportunity for inner city kids and here at Ask Aunt B, we stand behind anything that might make it better for today's youth. If you read this, I hope you'll visit the website and possibly donate or find a way to get involved.

From: Sara Wilson Date: 04/14/09 13:33:51 To: mzbabz@comcast.net Subject: Please help a child this summer

Hi

I would like to ask for your help with getting the word out on Ask Aunt B with an issue I thought you and your readers would care about. The countdown to Summer has begun and The Fresh Air Fund is in need of host families. Host families are volunteers who open their hearts and home to a child from the city to give them a fresh air experience. I've set up a social media news release which explains everything, so please feel free to use any of the images, logos, videos, etc:

http://freshair-newsrelease.com/

Please let me know if you are able to post and if you have any questions.

Thank you so much,

Sara

--

Sara Wilson,

The Fresh Air Fund

www.freshair.org

More Bees With Honey Than Vinegar

Dear Aunt B,

We have recently rented a very nice house for a decent price, and we love it. There is very little we would change if we bought this house, we are close to work, family, stores, and we only really have one neighbor to our property because of road frontage, railroad tracks, and a gully behind. The house is almost perfect, and the rent and utilities so far are not that high. The only problem is our neighbor. There is a row of bushes between our properties, and in cleaning the yard we had lined up branches and logs from the winters storm on our side of the bushes. She came knocking on our door, yelling at my daughter that the limbs are on her property and she wanted us to move them, my husband went to the door, and politely asked her what was wrong, and she was making snide remarks about us facing trespassing charges if we didn’t move them. He said “I’ll call Jerry (the landlord), thank you, ma’am” and he shut and locked the door. We told the landlord what she said and the landlord looked at where we put the limbs and said that he saw no problem, and that the bushes were on the line. Then about a week later she got mad again and was fussing about the trash can my daughter sat it a few inches over into her yard and she made us move it. Now, my husband has caught her raking limbs onto the back of our property, when he said something to her she said it would be best if he just went back inside.
We have always been friendly with neighbors and are used to people who you can share garden veggies with and talk to every day on the way to the mailbox. How do we deal with this lonely, angry woman? She is elderly, lives alone and rarely comes out, and hires people to do lawn work and such, I think.

Dear Reader;

I have lived next to people like this (and they were not elderly, just ornery!) and unfortunately the answer is this: leave it be.
Make sure you know where your property begins and ends, and respect those limits. Some people are, for whatever reason, very compulsive about every centimetre of their property, especially when they have to defend it in the past. You rent this property correct? My guess is that this lady has had several neighbours and has learned over time to “draw the line” nice and early so there is no room for miscommunication. Really has nothing to do with you personally..

You never know, maybe if you respect her wish (in respecting her property) and you live there a little while, she might come out of her shell and become a little more neighbourly.

Hope you enjoy your house, regardless of the neighbour.

~ Xmichra

Hi M******,

Isn't it always true that just when everything seems perfect, a pricker gets in our way! Well, I know how hard it can be to have neighbors who are difficult. Two things come to mind, first, how lucky you are that this is just one person to deal with. The second thing is, that this old woman may feel threatened by a young family moving in. She may know, that some young people treat the elderly with disrespect.
My advice to you is to give her a chance. Be nice to her, despite her aggressive behavior to you, for it might be out of fear. Show her that you don't mean her any harm, and in fact truly want to be neighborly. She may come around, and then you can build some sort of trust, as a neighbor. And, if things really do not get any better, a bad neighbor can be less of a reason that some people do end up moving!
I hope this helps!

Thanks for contacting SidellSez and the best of luck to you!

Sidell



Dear Melissa,

I would imagine that the commandment to "love thy neighbor as you love yourself" is surely a challenge in your mind at this point in time. I think anybody would find fault in your neighbors bad behavior. Yes, it's enough to "piss off a Preacher" isn't it?

You stated, in your letter, "How do we deal with this lonely, angry woman?" so it appears to me that you are able to see things from different perspectives, i.e., that she is lonely and angry. It also sounds like you and your husband are reasonable people faced with an unreasonable neighbor.

I suppose there are a couple of different ways to deal with this woman, one of which is steering clear of her in hopes that she'll just settle down as you settle in. She is evidently territorial, not to mention vindictive and at this juncture she may just simply be letting you know loud and clear that she'll not take any abuse of her rights and/or property lines, real or imaginary.

You can pick which one suits you or rather which one you can bear to approach. The first idea might be a "Do Over" line of attack. Possibly you could take over a homemade item such as cookies or something similar and establish that the two of you got off on the wrong foot. You could also acknowledge that you respect her as well as her property and will try to be mindful of such.

Now I realize you're probably a bit miffed by her behavior and as such may be a tad bit apprehensive about"sucking up" to such a hateful persona. But you do get, "More Bees With Honey Than Vinegar."

If this line of attack is palatable, in thought but not in reason, you might write a note to the effect of how you would like to "turn over a new leaf" per say, making sure that you mention the fact that you've never ever had problems with neighbors before and you certainly do not wish for it now. Then ending it with the question, "...and how can we resolve this to your satisfaction?," may bring forth some semblance of satisfaction.

By writing this note, making it clear that you realize that she's obviously been burned by someone who's lived there before you, it will then possibly validate her fears but also make her aware that you, her new neighbor are not like your predecessors and will most certainly treat her just as you'd want to be treated.

Now the ball is in her court and she just might have to look at her, more than obvious asinine behavior.The methodology behind this may be to let her know that you do realize that it's quite possible that, for better terms, she may very well be carrying some emotional baggage, real issues she's dealt with in the past by neighbors that did not treat her with due respect.

If this does not work, I'll welcome you to write us again and we'll be more than happy to hash this out with you.


Keeping It Real,

Aunt B

Matthew 22:36-40

36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” 37 And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Depressed???

The advice, tips, and content on this site is in no way intended to be used as a substitute for professional advice or treatment. Aunt B will be happy to assist with obtaining appropriate professional help if requested. The site administrator and site contributors are not responsible for the actions of those patronizing this site.

Thank you,

Aunt Babz

Here's an NYU, Depression Test Click Here



Here's another Test Click Here



Depression



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Besides the fact that woman suffer from depression more often than do men, women often think they can "work through" a depression on their own. They may misunderstand the low risk associated with medication treatment of depression, or else they believe that because they are intelligent hard-working people a counselor or psychologist will be of no help. These mistaken beliefs are, unfortunately, common. Medications for depression may sometimes have annoying side effects, such as agitation, insomnia, or drowsiness, but serious reactions are extremely unusual. Women with a true depression are suffering. Such bothersome, non-life threatening side effects, which may lessen soon anyway, are likely to be much more tolerable than untreated depression for many women. Time and again, studies have shown that either counseling or medication therapy, or optimally both together, are extremely effective in safely relieving depression in both women and men.
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What is a depressive disorder?

Depressive disorders have been with man since the beginning of recorded history. In the Bible, King David, as well as Job, suffered from this affliction. Hippocrates referred to depression as melancholia, which literally means black bile. Black bile, along with blood, phlegm, and yellow bile were the four humors (fluids) that accounted for the basic medical physiology of that time. Depression has been portrayed in literature and the arts for hundreds of years, but what do we mean today when we refer to a depressive disorder? In the nineteenth century, depression was seen as an inherited weakness of temperament. In the first half of the twentieth century, Freud linked the development (pathogenesis) of depression to guilt and conflict. John Cheever, the author and a modern sufferer of depressive disorder, wrote of conflict and experiences with his parents as influencing his development of depression.

In the 1950's and 60's, depression was divided into two types, endogenous and neurotic. Endogenous means that the depression comes from within the body, perhaps of genetic origin, or comes out of nowhere. Neurotic or reactive depression has a clear environmental precipitating factor, such as the death of a spouse, or other significant loss, such as the loss of a job. In the 1970's and 80's, the focus of attention shifted from the cause of depression to its effects on the afflicted people. That is to say, whatever the cause in a particular case, what are the symptoms and impaired functions that experts can agree make up a depressive disorder? Although there is some argument even today (as in all branches of medicines), most experts agree that:

1. A depressive disorder is a syndrome (group of symptoms) that reflects a sad mood exceeding normal sadness or grief. More specifically, the sadness of depression is characterized by a greater intensity and duration and by more severe symptoms and functional disabilities than is normal.
2. Depression symptoms are characterized not only by negative thoughts, moods, and behaviors, but also by specific changes in bodily functions (e.g., eating, sleeping, and sexual activity). The functional changes are often called neurovegetative signs.
3. Certain people with depressive disorder, especially bipolar depression (manic depression), seem to have an inherited vulnerability to this condition.
4. Depressive disorders are a huge public health problem.

* In 1990, depression cost the United States 43 billion dollars in both direct costs, which are the treatment costs, and indirect costs, such as lost productivity and absenteeism.

* In a major medical study, depression caused significant problems in the functioning of those affected more often than did arthritis, hypertension, chronic lung disease, and diabetes, and in two categories of problems, as often as coronary artery disease.

* Depression can increase the risks for developing coronary artery disease, HIV, asthma, and some other medical illnesses. Furthermore, it can increase the morbidity (illness) and mortality (death) from these conditions.

5. Depression is usually first identified in a primary care setting, not in a mental health practitioner's office. Moreover, it often assumes various disguises, which causes depression to be frequently under-diagnosed.
6. In spite of clear research evidence and clinical guidelines regarding therapy, depression is often under-treated. Hopefully, this situation can change for the better.
7. For full recovery from a mood disorder, regardless of whether there is a precipitating factor or it seems to come out of the blue, treatments with medications and/or electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) and psychotherapy are often necessary.