The Matriarch

Dear Aunt Babz,

Hello I am a 36 year old married mom of four children....Three here on earth and one baby that I lost

last year due to a stillbirth. I took the loss very hard and still today very hurt and just plain refuse to

have peace until I hold another baby in my arms. Of course the new baby will not replace my beautiful girl

that i lost. I lost her at 6 months along in pregancy.

I am wondering if you have a feeling of when this might be? I have a couple of health problems that can

probally be fixed with my own help. Like losing weight.

I have had a couple of dreams that imply that i will be pregnant again but do not know what to do with the dreams.

I have had a few dreams in my life that lead me in a way but i have no guidance as to how to get there.

If you have any feelings on this it would help so much.

Sincerely
Tori from Tn.



Dear Tori from Tn.,

I pray before or as I write these answers. I pray for wisdom and words but let me make it clear to you that I do not nor will I ever claim to be a psychic. I do believe that God has given me the gift of Discernment and Intuition as well as an ability to put things in some sort of perspective. I write what I feel, what the "Small, Still Voice," tells me. Other than that, well, I just want you to understand that I am not a psychic.

I'm sorry for your loss and pray for your timely healing. I can only imagine how difficult it has been for you? They say that time heals all wounds but I can also imagine it's rather hard for you to see or feel that right now? Again, I pray for your healing and understanding that all things happen for a reason and our God is a merciful God. He knows what He is doing and I pray that all will be revealed to you as you heal from your loss. I pray that you realize, as well, that your child is sitting beside Jesus, cozy and loved beyond understanding. You must stand on this faith, in order to embrace your loss. Selah

As I stated in the top of this post, I try to write what that small still voice tells me. My firm belief is that it is the Spirit of God. I realize now, post haste and in retrospect that a major portion of my life could have had an alternate ending had I listened to the Spirit. But I did not listen and I fell. I fell hard but am now able to look back and see that that gentle voice was there all along. You must listen for the answer too.

It is reiterated to me over and over, as I write this to tell you what I hear. I have been thinking about all this for a couple of days and it's quite possible that I delayed answering you so I would find/hear an answer, as I do not take your question lightly. I feel your pain and I do not not presume to have an answer for you but merely suggestions...

Undivided Attention

Your days shall be filled with the joy your three children bring you. Your time and attention shall not be divided by another. These three will fulfill your expectations but there will be some struggle. Thus, you should not be taxed, your attention divided again and again. Your life will become redefined several times. It will not be easy along the way. Your energies will be tapped and health issues might drain you further. These three will need you and it will be because of you that they will become wonderful people. They may not be what the world calls or defines as success in a monetary aspect but they are and will be good, well rounded children, individuals who know they are loved. They will know the true meaning of love. They will have a complete sense of family.

You will be torn as to what is important in your life and what defines you, similar to what you are going through now. But it is these three which make your life worth living. Because you kept things in perspective, they will each, after their own journey, find a new found respect and adoration for you. With their maturity, they will begin to visit their own past with a fondness. They will not only love you but like you and enjoy your company. You will be The Matriarch...and when your days are numbered, you will be surrounded by many, many who think you are just the cats pajamas.

Keeping It Real,

Aunt Babz




Dear T,

As you may or may not know I am pregnant. With this comes a lot of need for knowledge, which has made me search for all sorts of things pregnancy related. So I am going to try and answer your questions the best that I can, but I would strongly urge you to connect with a support group or a healer because what you have gone through is very painful, very hard, and very emotional. You do need support to come through this, and I think finding a support group would help you immensely. Losing a child at any stage is traumatic and I can understand the feeling of needing to have a baby when you were so looking forward to being a new mom again. But I will caution you, that this may not be the best time for becoming pregnant again. You may need some more time to digest what has happened and to be fully equipped mentally to face another pregnancy, which also may have complications. Only you can decide that for sure, but I would advise you to talk this over with your spouse and think about it for a little while before you rush into anything. Also, your body may not be equipped yet to handle another pregnancy. Sometimes when women undergo a D&C (I am assuming you had this done) the uterus is very strained and cannot catch or hold to a fertilized egg or embryo. So make sure that you have had a pap test and pelvic exam to ensure that your body is ready to try again. Dreams are a funny tool (some would argue) because they open our eyes to things that we want or need in our lives. And sometimes they are manifestations of things we wish were truth. Differentiating between those two things is tricky business, and it is easy to be caught up in dream world when the results are positive. But my thinking on dreams is this: they are our mind at play. Sometimes they can lead us to do the things that we need to do, but often (and I believe in this case) they are representative of things we wish we had. Dreaming positive things like this is not harmful, but taking these dreams as signs of hope can be. Please do not take this the wrong way because I know you are still in pain, but you need to get your head out of the dreams, and talk with your family doctor or a specialist about the realism of becoming pregnant again. That would be the best option. A doctor can tell you what you need to do to become pregnant, would monitor the pregnancy (especially so since you have lost a child in pregnancy) and can tell you when you need to be more careful (things like bed rest and light stress should be listened to.). I would also like to tell you of a few sites that can help you on your way in regards to the emotional side of what has happened to you and also getting pregnant again.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_coping-with-pregnancy-loss_4006.bc http://www.birth.com.au/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=30 http://www.mothers35plus.co.uk/losing.htm http://www.webmd.com/baby/pregnancy-loss-neonatal-death

I do hope the very best for you and your family. Take care of yourself, and your body.

~Xmichra.

Something To Think About

Bless This Child

My Granddaughter…Aries

I wrote this, not long after my release from Prison. I had laid there, alone, one night, unable to sleep. I began to think about all I had seen and heard, some of the stories.As part of a therapeutic community, a rehab within the prison, we delved into a lot of issues, most brought on by addiction. Some were honest and frank, matter of fact. Some showed no remorse but often times, the women did not understand how they could do the things they had done. They had killed, starved, sold, cut, maimed, abused, neglected, molested and raped their children. I’d spoke with women, outside of a treatment setting and many of these women knew not, why they did what they did.

But who suffered the most, when the Mother was taken to prison? The children and they paid the price for it all. They had already been neglected and hurt and now they would be passed around like a garage sale rag doll. Pray for the children, will you?

Bless This Child

Bless this child who’s beaten daily,much more than he can take
Bless this child who cries at night,his hunger still awake.
Bless this child who’s born of drugs,no habit of his own,
Bless this child who screams in silence he bears his pain alone.
Bless this child not wanted still,a lonely path to lead,
Bless this child so young,too young,molested, made to bleed.
Bless this child born of pain,whose mother barely cares,
Bless this child afraid of dark,it only brings nightmares.
Bless this child too frail to eat,afraid to die just yet,
Bless this child disease will claim,his dreams are never met.
Bless this child who wants to die,his life seems only lies,
Bless this child through suicide can’t say his last good-byes.
Bless this child who’s father’s gone,his love poured out in vain,
Bless this child through poverty who’ll only know hate and pain.
Bless this child who’s shook in anger, now knocks at heaven’s gate,
Bless this child you’ll never know,his story told too late.
Bless this child who’s sent to you,a present from above,
Bless this child you call your own,make sure you show them love.

Aunt Babz

May 8th, 2007 - Posted by askauntb1 | Childhood Issues, Think On, Prison, Criminal Behavior, Addiction, Alcoholism,

Dream Wreckers

This was sent to Aunt B via email...
Dear Aunt B,

My friend has a boyfriend and she is not on the pill or anything so when they have sex, they use a condom always. Well she decided she wanted to get pregnant with him so what she did was, right after they had sex and he wrapped up the condom with the semen in it, she went and took it out of the garbage while he was in the bathroom and put the semen inside her. Then the next day they had sex same thing she took the condom and took a tampon and stuck it in the condom to cover it with semen and then inserted it inside her. I have never heard of anyone doing this, I know semen dies quickly but this she said was still wet and still clearly alive because it was within 10 minutes that she put it in herself. I was just speechless and had no advice no anything to say to her because from what I heard from her, I don't see how she wouldn't be able to get pregnant....please any advice would be great because I'm trying to help her but I'm not doing a very good job...I know you cant tell me for sure or not but I would just like some advice to tell her please let me know your thoughts. I have tried writing to sites similar to this many times and they either didn't respond or haven't helped at all. Thanks...



Dear Friend,

This is such a sad story and it really conjures up a lot of emotion. I truly give you credit for seeking counsel on this matter. This is a very serious situation, with even more possible consequences. I hope we can find something or someway to bring about a change or perspective on this.

I realize this is a very sticky situation. From your letter, I see that this is a friend, someone you must be close with or they probably would not have divulged this secret. I can also imagine that you are a bit reserved as to how to handle this. On one hand, you don't want to hurt your friend, her feelings or overstep your boundaries. This is surely a friendship test, if I ever saw one.

OK, let's nip this in the bud from the start; Yes, your friend can get pregnant.

I do not know it all, so I researched this, (even if I think I do). But it is part common sense and I believed she could but I wanted to be certain and have medical fact to back up my hypothesis. Here are a few links, just in case you may question my judgment, on this. Basically, it's called Artificial Insemination. Those two words, should speak volumes. Done in this manner, they are cold, unfeeling and planned. I call it unscrupulous and it is not natural. Deception and cold-hearted, also come to mind. She is taking a natural act of his love and distorting it. Remember the word...Karma.


Definition Artificial Insemination

IVI At Home

Artificial Insemination, when done in conjunction with your Doctor and when it is planned, by a loving couple, can be a beautiful thing.
Just from my own research, I would say, while it is harder for her to become pregnant this way, it is a real possibility. But I really want to address this, actually common situation and conspiracy. I do hope that you will read the rest of this post and I hope you will copy this or show this to your friend. This is one of the biggest things or best you could do for your friend; a dose of reality and honesty... My own son son, my youngest, had his life completely changed by an act, similar to this one. They were both 17 and in love. A***** was ready to run away and my son approached me about her moving in with us. Her Mom would allow it and almost encouraged it as they had not been getting along for quite some time. I knew they had been sexually active. I had let him know, I did not condone his sexual conduct and spoke with him about the possibilities. I made the concession that if she went on birth control and he knew she was taking it, I would agree, to her moving in. They both agreed, she went to the Clinic and began her Birth Control pills. I considered this the lesser of two evils. As the months wore on, my son was not exactly the best or most attentive boyfriend as he still wanted to go out with his buddies and she wanted him home. I always liked A***** and she was a very attractive, beautiful girl. I imagine, my son was too young to be in such a serious relationship and I can't say he was wrong but I can't say he was right, either. I found out, later, that A***** had cooked up an idea, one she thought would bring them closer. She decided for whatever reason, to stop taking the birth control. She wanted to become pregnant. When they had first got together, when she moved in, my son watched her take the pill and would remind her to take it, per my wishes. He became lax about it and she knew this. She just stopped taking it and she became pregnant. Had she not confessed her inner emotions to a friend, I would have believed her when she said that she had been taking the pill religiously. She would have been lying of course but I would have just figured that it was another statistic, another story of someone getting pregnant on the pill. It does happen and it would have been believable. She gave birth to my first Granddaughter, Kassandra. This was a tumultuous time in my life and not an easy time for my son, as well. But Kassandra was so beautiful. We soon found out she had *Cystic Fibrosis and my Grandbaby was so sick. I don't know the schematics of why their relationship fell apart but it did. She became very mean and nasty and eventually forbid my son, as well as myself, to have anything more to do with her or the baby.She was using the baby against us. Now, let me make it clear that I was not the ideal Grandma, at that time. Kassandra was born, just a short time after I became clean from Heroin, nine years ago.A***** only knows me as a heroin addict and I can't blame her for her animosity towards me. Even if I have changed, I can't make her see this, especially since we have no idea where she is. I heard she is in Arizona, which makes it extremely hard to find her, much less build a relationship. Because Kassandra has special needs, she had huge Medical bills. My son is responsible for those bills. He has had his wages garnished every since 1998. Yes, he is responsible for this child and has never tried to get out of paying that money.But there was a point where he was living off of $300 a month, after they took out a huge chunk of child support from his paycheck. I love my Granddaughter and she is at the top of my prayers, every single night. It is painful to know that I have a 9 year old granddaughter out there, who has my eyes but is so sick her life span is marked at 28 years old. Life is not fair, I know this but some of our choices make it worse. My son was not ready to be a father and she made that decision for him. Then again, every time you have sex, you are flirting with the possibility and it becomes a situation I like to call, "You wanna play, you might just pay." I'd also known, personally, the story of the man who went to Prison for life, when he shot the woman that did a similar thing. He thought she was on birth control but she purposely became pregnant. They'd fought the whole pregnancy, arguing about anything and everything. He wanted her to have an abortion and she refused. I do not agree with abortion, either, but I do not like entrapment and what she had done was wrong. After their child was born, they had continued to fight every day. The very last argument they had, she was telling him she was leaving. She gave the confession that she had become pregnant on purpose but she was going to "take him to the cleaners. I'll own your paycheck!," she shouted. He shot her dead, right there, right then. An end to a tragic story. Actually, that was not the end of that horrible story. The child had to be placed in foster care as neither had family, that could take care of the newborn. That child was bounced from foster home to foster home and is now, still a ward of the state. The truest victim is that child who has suffered for the selfishness of it's mother and father both.That child had no choice but both parents did. Yes, your friend can do this and get pregnant. But it is girls/women like this that scare the hell out of me. To knowingly, on purpose, deceptively get pregnant without the consent of your sexual partner, should be a crime. It is morally wrong and nothing good can come of it. Does she take into account that he obviously does not want to have a child? I know guys; they hate wearing condoms and say it's like having sex with your socks on and they can't feel it. I know, that they do not wear condoms, unless, it is for a valid reason. They only wear them, if they feel they have to. Has your friend thought this through? Not to mention, the fact, that it may be the single one thing that drives them apart. Has she thought, if he leaves, is she going to go after him for child support? Will he freely pay it or will they end up garnishing his wages? Is it fair to him? Is it fair to the child? I have to say, in this day and age, throwing your child in daycare, is the biggest hurt piece there is. To trust a stranger to show love, caring and nurturing to your child is a less than easy thing to do. Has she considered that diapers don't grow on trees and she will have to work to pay for that and more? That baby, she so desperately wants, will have to be taken care of by a stranger, unless she is fortunate enough to have family to help her.There are just so many things that can go wrong, so many variables to think about and I think a lot of people do not think it through before they choose to have children. If you are not ready to have children and I am talking about this possibility for the man and woman, that child can be resented. Whether you mean to or not, in the back of your mind, you look at the child as missed opportunity and a change in your life, you were not ready to go through. You then show resentment, maybe a lack of patience and true animosity. Motherhood and Parenthood should be a wonderful planned time and approach to life. Our divorce rate is sky-high and I'd be willing to bet, that the number one argument couples who broke up had, was a concern of or lack thereof, of money. It takes a huge chunk of change to pay for a child from birth to college. It takes gumption to put food on the table and do without all those frills to raise a child. It takes sacrifice that some are not willing to give. People work because they want things; cash, nice cars, clothes, a nice home, jewelry and just stuff. When they can't have it, they often become frustrated and begin to look at what is keeping them from having it. They just might see that it's the kids that are keeping them from their dreams. They then begin the concept of looking at their own children as the "Dream Wreckers." Believe it or not, that is a natural or possibly human response. It may not be right but a valid emotion. The question is then; what do they do with that "emotional epiphany?" Some, will be able to work through those emotions. Some will not. Some will take it out on the children in the form of physical or verbal abuse. Some will withdraw and not give emotion. Some will deduce and do without, see that it is their lot in life but remain emotionally detached. There are just so many bad variables that can happen, especially when you are young and not ready to have children. In the infinite end, it is the children who pay, for the lack of moral and sensible judgment of their parents. It is the children who may pay for the insensitivity of a Mom who chose without the consent of her partner to have children. It's not only morally wrong, it's a down right outrage and a dumbass thing to do. Having children, should be a joyous occasion. Their giggles and the laughter can not be matched with anything that could possibly bring you happiness. But the whole baby making thing is taken too lightly. We have children, only to throw them into daycare and as soon as possible, we make them into "Latch Key Kids," coming home to an empty home, entertained by T.V. and Internet, Video Games and completely unsupervised. Then, we can't understand why they get into trouble and we question their choice of friends? Why do we do this? We want it all, the Great American Dream. But that dream has become distorted with our selfish habits and our want for all things BIG. Our children suffer for this and I see it every day. Having children is a huge undertaking and you need both parents or perspective parents, on the same page, working in conjunction with the idea to bring your children up with good values and beliefs. How can we teach them, these traditions and the basic values, if we are at work all the time? We work so hard to have the big house, big car, big appliances, big jewelry, big, big, big!

Your friend is playing with someone else's destiny and I don't think very many people would disagree with me that it is wrong. She needs to re-think this and the possible bad things that could come from it. When you do dirt, you get dirt. When you are deceptive, you will be deceived. My own best friend, Mz.Karma Bitchslap, will be sure to visit her. I hope you share this with her and I hope she sees, the potential life changing damage it could cause. Be her friend by sharing this with her. Be strong and show her this post and then stand in front of the mirror, knowing you have done a good thing. Sleep well! You used to be able to live on love...not anymore. ~~~~

This comment was sent to Aunt B via email from the author of this letter;

Thank you so much for your response, it really helps me out a lot, and I

will definitely show her what you had to say. Thanks again.

w******

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*Definition of Cystic Fibrosis Cystic fibrosis (CF) is a chronic, progressive and genetic (inherited) disease of the body's exocrine (mucus producing) glands which affects approximately 30,000 children and adults in the United States. Description of Cystic Fibrosis Cystic fibrosis (CF) primarily affects the respiratory, digestive and reproductive systems, as well as the sweat glands. The mucus secreted is very thick and blocks passageways in the lungs and digestive tracts. Cystic fibrosis is transmitted to a child when both parents carry the recessive gene but do not have the disease. When such a couple has children, there is a 25 percent chance that one of their children will develop cystic fibrosis; there is a 50 percent chance that the child will carry the gene, but will not have the disease; and a 25 percent chance that the child will be totally unaffected. Cystic fibrosis is the most common fatal hereditary disorder for Caucasians in the U.S. About 1 in 2500 Caucasians are affected, and more than 10 million people (one in 31 Americans; one in 28 Caucasians) is an unknowing, symptomless carrier of the defective gene. The average lifespan of a person affected with CF is between 28 and 30 years of age. As with any "average" this means that some with this disease now live well beyond this age. With the introduction of medications and drainage procedures, children with CF, who years ago would have died before reaching adulthood, are now often living into mid-adulthood and beyond. The cause of death in CF patients is usually respiratory tract infections or respiratory distress, coupled with enlargement of the right side of the heart (cor pulmonale).