Urge For Revenge

To: askauntb@gmail.com

Subject: My only thoughts are REVENGE.

Hey whats up??? thank you for taking your time to read my question, I really appreciate the help.
Well here goes.

Me and my girlfriend have been in a very on-off, rockey relationship for nearly 3years. No doubt we love eachother, but we're so different in personalities that the friction was always there. Well from the day I met her I told her that I had slept with 8 women.... You know how every guy lies about the number of women he's slept with so I did the same...

On the 26th of Feb she found out that I had actually not slept with the above mentioned women, and that she was my first. She got really angry and said that I had betrayed her, for lying for the past 3yrs. She cannot or doesn't want to understand that its normal amongst guys to lie about that sort of thing.

Well after two days she tells me that "she wants to be single" but without the intention of hooking up with someone else and that we should remain as friends.... and that she expects full cooperation from me........ I was like, what the hell is wrong with you?! Just because you're crazy and that your feeling changed for me doesn't mean that mine did too..... I told her that.... I said that I wont be friends, I'm not guilty of anything, I didn't do anything wrong, and that I dont have anything to be ashamed off.....

Then she, coldly cut of all communication with me.... like she didn't even know me... I told her that we need to talk, that I was nice and supportive to her for the past 3 years and that she couldn't betray me like this..... but she hasn't replied since.... I'm angry, I'm bitter and have a lot of unanswered questions....... Did she really love me?

Imagin that you love someone with all your heart for 3yrs, and all of a sudden they break-up and offer absolutely no explanation.

I'm feeling a very strong urge to get revenge, I know that wont solve anything, but do you think that will make me happy??? And what can I do to move on?

Dear Reader,

There is something more to this story for sure, because the reason for ending the relationship is just silly. Not all guys lie about their sexual past, but this to me is a ridiculous reason to break up after 3 years... this my friend, is a farce of what is really going down.

But regardless of that fact, she did break up with you. And she must have had her reasons, whatever they were. Now it’s time to figure out your end.

I can understand the urge for revenge, it seems that it is a pretty basic instinct. To hurt what has hurt you. But in the end, you will feel even worse for doing something vengeful to someone you still care for. Imagine loving someone with all your heart for three years, and they get hurt really badly. You are watching them twist and turn, and it makes them so hurt they can hardly breathe without crying. And they turn to you, because you have been there for three long years... and the hate and the scorn, and the blame all comes flooding up and is glaring right at you... the one who has caused the hurt. The look of unmistakable hatred and distain, forever in your mind. Is that what you want? You really want to do that to her and to you?

I doubt that.

Most people believe that if they hurt the other person that they will feel better themselves. And it’s just not true. Revenge can only cause more harm than good, and there are centuries of love stories and tales that portray that very truth.

Do yourself a favour, and walk away from that feeling, and concentrate your efforts on yourself and healing. You will be so much better off.

~Xmichra

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Weighing The Odds

Dear Aunt B,


I've just recently graduated high school. I'm dating a great guy who(unfortunately) has had a few run-ins with the law that will stay with him for the rest of his life(these happened many years ago for him, and he's 20). He and I are polar opposites(different favorite genres of music, different movie favorites, everything) and yet somehow we usually work well together. Our relationship has been off and on for the past two years(my parents don't approve of us being together), and last year I started talking to him again after a prior breakup, but my parents found out and I had to cut off communications with him.

A few months after not talking to him, a friend asked me out and I said yes. My now-boyfriend found out during the summer about this friend and I dating(he saw us walking together and at that point he still assumed we were dating cause I hadn't been able to tell him otherwise), and it really hurt him. About 8 months ago I broke up with my friend(he turned into a jerk) and a month or so later(after I had cooled down) I started talking to my boyfriend again, apologizing and explaining what happened. He accepted my apology and took me back. We've been currently dating for about 7-8 months. I've also recently got a Facebook(never really wanted one before, but friends wanted me to, so I decided to try it) and through it I connected with people I haven't seen in a long time. I found a guy on there that has been my friend for about 6 years now, so I started talking to him again.

Just a sidenote, because my parents don't approve of me dating my boyfriend, I have to hide it from them and can usually only talk to him through IM and only occasionally see him until I move to college.

Anyways, so my friend(who's 23. Yeah, I know, what's up with the older guys, right?) and I caught up through Facebook. He was dating a girl at that time, and I tried to help him through problems they were having, but they ended up breaking up. About a month or so later of us talking, he told me that he feels something for me(he knows I have a boyfriend, but my boyfriend doesn't know about him). And the truth is, awhile after he told me that, I feel something for him too. And it really hurts to admit it, because I think I love my boyfriend as well. Last time I saw my boyfriend, I truthfully didn't feel much. But the last time I saw my friend, my heart jumped a bit. My friend is very sweet to me and will do nearly anything to make me feel better and to make me smile. My boyfriend is a man of few words, but he tries his best to make me smile too. But my boyfriend and I recently got in to a fight. I'm a bit phobic of drinking because of a past boyfriend of mine, and I told this to my current boyfriend. This mixed with a couple more conversations and he told me that he feels like I was trying to change him. I wasn't at all, I was just saying that I don't like him drinking is all. At the end of the fight(I hate misunderstandings), I told him that I didn't want to change him, but hiding things that scare me from him stresses me out alot. He said more or less that if something like that happened again, he couldn't continue the relationship, and that was the end of our arguement. I told my friend about it, and he was very sympathetic. Our conversation that day led to him admitting that he thought he was falling in love with me, but I didn't know what to say back.

I feel something for both guys. Physically, I could care less what they look like. Emotionally, my friend understands me more. In nearly every way my friend is better for me than my boyfriend. But when I think about leaving my boyfriend again, I want to cry. I don't know how to handle it, but I need to know who I should date. This is my last summer before I go off to college, and I want it to not be so stressful.

Can you please help me? No one else has been able to yet.

Guy Troubles




Dear Guy Troubles:

Honestly it sounds like you have made up your mind, and you need some validation. If it were me personally, I would want to date a person who was respectful and who understands things that I have gone through and is willing to listen to me, rather than throw ultimatums at me from a simple discussion. Is this sinking in as to what I would do?? I hope so.

Sometimes when we have invested so much time into a relationship, it is difficult to end it simply based on all the work you’ve had to do to maintain it. You may thing you love this guy, and you might. But are you *in* love, that is the real question. I am sitting here reading what you wrote, and I am going to guess, no. Not because of anything bad that has occurred, but from this sentence:
“Last time I saw my boyfriend, I truthfully didn't feel much. But the last time I saw my friend, my heart jumped a bit.”

I know it may seem like you just can’t break it off with your boyfriend... but I am telling you that you may fall into something with your facebook friend that could wind up hurting your current boyfriend. Simple conversation can quickly turn into an affair when your feelings are so confused.

I think it’s time you really look at the situation and how you really feel for your boyfriend, and stop weighing the odds against the Facebook friend. Think about the two of you, how things are working out, how he treats you, how you feel with him and about him. This will help you to clarify what you need to do.

Hope you get some peace of mind.

~Xmichra.

What If Syndrome

Xmichra Answers

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Aunt Babz,

Hey there i have been with my boyfriend for nearly 9 months. He has told me that he has to go back to this home town to see his daughter for about 5 months. He ahs asked me to go with him but every time i say that i want to go he says that i will miss my family to much. But he has told me that he loves me and i love him too. I really want to go with him cause in the end it's only 5 months and i would like to meet his family. What should i do

Dear Friend,

Well, to be honest I don’t think he wants you to go.. he just didn’t want to loose out if he came back. The whole “you will miss your family too much” is a cop out for “maybe I made a mistake”. At least that is what I think.

I would really question why five months? What is going on that in five months time he would be willing to come back home? What is that all about? I certainly think it sounds strange, and a little like a devised plan that is not likely going to go well.

But if you do decide to go taking a few precautionary steps wouldn’t hurt. Make sure that you have a place to stay and a job, in case things don’t pan out with your boyfriend. I would say that to anyone who was moving far from their support line (family in this case), you just can’t ever be too safe in that regard.

Also, you might want to check what the living arrangements are going to be like. If he was only intending to stay for five months (which too me sounds really odd) then chances are he wasn’t signing a lease. So just be sure what kind of accommodation there is, and if he was planning to stay with someone that they are aware that you will be joining him. Nothing makes for tension like an unknown guest.

If you decide not to go, just keep in mind that love travels, and if he is true he will not stray and you will be fine. If it wasn’t meant to be, then that’s it. If you want to go, but your gut is telling you that you really shouldn’t…. then I would listen to that instinct. And the same for the reverse situation, if your gut is telling you that this is the smart move then I would do it. Regretting something you took a chance on is sometimes much easier to deal with then the “what if” syndrome of not doing things. However, going against your gut will almost always land you in a bigger pile of shit then ever expected.

Good luck, and let us know what you decided.