Lipstick Notch

Dear Aunt B,

hi my name is Ashley. i have been with my husband for nine years. lately he has shown a great interest in pornography featuring black girls with big butts. he also dated women fitting that description while we were separated. i am the complete opposite of that. i am a white petite female. our sex life has diminished. he isnt showing much interest in me. i don't know what to do or what to think. most guys go gaga over me i don't understand why my husband does not anymore.

Dear Ashley,

Unfortunately, this is happening all across America. Due to the prevalence and easier access to Porn via the Internet, I personally believe that our men may be falling into the trap of "Desensitization."
I really feel for you and realize just how important it is for us to be the object of our mans desires. It hurts deeply when we find out that we may not be all that in his eyes. But if every woman in America, especially the wives could actually read our husbands minds, well suffice it to say, we'd be scarred for life, appalled as well as grief stricken.

Men are hard wired differently than we are and are actually in a constant state of warfare as to putting off their desires, not acting upon them and keeping themselves in check. Even the greatest of men have fallen especially when they have some little floozy throwing her junk in his face on the daily. It happens at work, it happens at the bars, it happens when we, as well as they, least expect it.

There's nothing funny about it but it's hard not to laugh when you realize that if you ask the average man about his will to sustain, you know to not fool around on his wife or girlfriend, he'll often feel that he deserves Kudos for his good behavior. I mean after all, he fights it off every day and in a funny sort of way, he does deserve a cookie.

Yes, these days our morals are going to hell in a hand basket and there are girls, not women out there that'd just love to bed Your man down. They see the wedding ring and observe it as a challenge. Just for shits-n-giggles they'll want your husband as another Lipstick Notch on their bed post.

So, what's a girl to do? Well, for starters you must be aware of his needs, not in a subservient way but in an understanding of how he's wired with a mutual willingness to please. As I've mentioned in previous posts you want to keep his attention as well as keep him shopping at "your store."

You'll want to jazz it up, for one thing. It's like this; Marriage and when I speak of marriage I do firmly believe that if you are living together as well as sleeping together in the "Marriage Bed" you are simply lacking a piece of paper that validates it in the eyes of the Law. That simplified, the marriage bed is a partnership, a two to Tango situation and a thing to be cherished and more importantly worked at. It must be cultivated and nurtured if we want it to grow. It must be seen in all seriousness and never taken for granted, our first and foremost downfall.

Flip The Script

My suggestion to you is one where you need to step up to the plate and bat. You need to take charge and begin to fight for your man. This is not "I am woman hear me Roar" speech but I do want you to begin to be less a victim. Begin with a more blitzkrieg approach;

You must state your needs, asserting your likes and dislikes, what you will as well as will not stand for. For starters, you'll have to put the shoe on the other foot...

He will look funny in your high heels, hahaha, but you'll have to put things in terms he'll understand. For one thing, you should ask him if he would be bothered if you were watching other men, porn to be exact? Give him the scenario that how would he feel if he came home, looked at the History on your computer and saw that you were watching men with huge cocks? Yea, I said it! Many men, even if they are well endowed are intimidated by other men and their package if it's bigger than theirs. Ask him how he would feel if he saw that every few days you were watching this sort of thing and not just for a few minutes but for long periods of time. Would it not bother him? Would it not make him feel inadequate? Would he possibly wonder that there's a chance that you were not satisfied with his manhood?

If he says that all that does not bother him, I'll call him a damn liar!!! The point is that that exact scenario is how you feel when he looks at the sort of things he's been looking at. You are not black nor do you have a big booty so how could you ever measure up to his specifications?

All this Porn watching does not mean that he does not love you. What it does mean though, carries the implication that he does, possibly take you for granted and is not doing his part in the cultivation of your marriage? At the same time as I stated before, you've got to work at tripping his trigger. This may be a stinging indictment for both of you?

My Advice would be to sit down and get it all out lest you explode with resentment. Furthermore, I also suggest that you engage him in the understanding, a meeting of the minds that his behavior is hurtful and makes you feel like shit, less than and not capable to measure up.

The Solution

It would be rather kind of him to agree to limit his "Porn Time" just for starters. You'll never get anywhere if you demand it and he'll just begin to get sneaky about it. Putting that shoe on his foot, as I stated may make him understand that it is extremely hurtful to you as well as desensitizing to him. He may not realize it but men who watch really XXX porn, you know the down and dirty stuff have a harder time getting aroused unless they are, themselves engaged in dirty dirty stuff.

So, he'd be doing himself and of course you a favor if he saved himself for you, watched less porn and masturbated less. Yes, normally the two go hand in hand, no pun intended!

Working on your marriage bed action has got to be Priority One. I also suggest that you invest in a vibrator and use it with him in your foreplay. If you need to know why I suggest this, I welcome you or anyone else to write me and I'll be more than happy to communicate why I feel this is important.

Don't be shy!!!You'd be surprised!!!

Email Babz
Keeping It Real,

Aunt B


Further Suggested Reading;

Sexual Healing

Have A Question??? Nothing Is Taboo!!!

Sexual Healing

Dear Reader's,

This is from another one of my many websites and is of adult content. As you can see or rather will read, Aunt B has walked on the Wild Side, a time or two. I can be brazen, possibly even vulgar but one thing's for certain;

This is good advice!

Sex Coupons

Don't be afraid to comment here, the CIA says this is a valid subject!

Yes, my Dear Readers, I can, have and may always be "Rude, Crude and Socially Unacceptable" but I always speak the truth. If you want your spouse or partner to keep shopping at your store, well, it's all in the packaging...

I am 50 years old. Yes, I'm an old Slut with a capitol "S" and I do not apologize. I started having sex, way back in 1971. I think this gives me a good idea, what the whole scenario is all about. It also has taught me a lot about how men/women operate, right? This post applies to all sexual preferences and it knows no boundaries. I do think monogamy is a wonderful thing and in this day and age, safe sex is the only way to go. That means, don't think that, that guy, who's just so cute, with that nice ass,, may not be infected or that chick doesn't have a disease, right. Don't be another statistic, wear a condom, if you've not got a history with this person, ok? Every single person, including myself, never thought it would happen to them. But this post is about having a good time. Nothing says lovin', like a chubby in the oven!

Yes, it's a tad crude but you get the idea, right?

(Right click, save and print) (Do It!)


One thing I have learned, is you have to spice things up, sometimes, you know, to keep your man/woman from shopping at another store. Well, that and threatening their life, that they'll never live to remember their indiscretion or live to tell about it, if caught.

The other thing I learned, is, getting old, is a matter of compiling memories, good or bad. Hopefully, you have more good than bad. My wish would be that I live, at least a few more years, too and build and retain more memories. My demise would be to get Alzheimer's and not remember a damn thing. Then again, those with Alzheimer's often digress, back to their teens or when they were younger. Now that would be some cool shit, huh? But the big question is gonna be;

"Have I lived?"

I'd like to think I have had a long life, full of memories, enough for a book, anyway. But it comes down to building some really good memories.

I Double Dog Dare You!

I dare you to walk on the edge. I dare you to do something, you'd never dream of doing and I'm not talking about Bungee Jumping! Think out of the box. Think out of the norm or status quo.

Sometimes, it's even the smallest approach that will get him/her thinking. Do something that you've never done. Have sex somewhere unusual and be daring. Stop that missionary shit for one night. Get on that pony and ride. Be a trick rider. Ride backwards, holding onto his toes, then he can watch the whole thing. Mirrors are fun too!

Most men, want Betty Crocker in the kitchen and a trained Prostitute in bed. Give it to him, I guarantee, he will not forget it. Go out with a skirt and no panties. Your husband will be driven nuts, the sexual tension will be so thick, you can cut it with a knife.

Strip for him or surprise him when he comes home from work, dressed in a teddy or whatever. I've never heard of a man who complained that his wife wanted sex, when he came home from work. I've never heard a man say his wife was too demanding, always wanting sex.

Make a list of places, you want to have sex and try to mark off that list. I can't remember my exact list and I know I have not done them all, as one of them was to screw in a Castle in Ireland. Some were improv, such as having sex on the 33rd floor of the Washington Monument in D.C. or when I went into the walk-in freezer with that good-looking Latin Lover/Dishwasher at a restaurant I worked at. Good grief, he rocked my world but then he started stalking me, ranting about love. Who knew?

But I think the cleverest thing I ever did, was to give my husband, a book of coupons for Christmas. I had no money, as a young bride, staying home with my son. So, I cut and colored a whole book of pull outs for "A Blow Job on Demand." I honored ever coupon, no matter how daring it was, or how afraid I was of getting caught.

"He got that "Coupon Book" and a box of chocolate covered cherries, his favorite, every Christmas."

Years later, before he died, he had told me, through all the years, that was the only gift he loved the most, the one most memorable. After the first coupon book, I'd ask him what he wanted for Christmas and he'd always answer, "you know what I want" and I gave him another coupon book. He then gave, recounted, exactly where he used every coupon and the whole scenario, as if it had happened just yesterday.

He remembered all right..yes, he remembered, whipping out a coupon, he kept in his wallet. We were at the brand new movie, "Star Wars," in the balcony, all by ourselves. He even remembered the time, he almost wrecked the car, giggling with delight as he recounted;

We were riding down a back road and as he neared a curve, my head got stuck in the steering wheel. "What a way to die," he exclaimed, a huge shit eatin' grin on his face.

He remembered handing me a coupon, at a Jack in the Box, fast food restaurant and us going into the men's room, right then and right there, me on my knees. Or the time, we were driving from Virginia to New York, on the Interstate. I'd not known it at the time but he'd handed me a coupon and I was doing the dirty deed. All the while a Trucker was watching us and gave my husband a "Thumbs Up" and mouthed the words, "Lucky Bastard."

He could recall, every single coupon and had the biggest smile and isn't that what love is, making your significant smile? Better yet, isn't it about the good memories? When you're old and gray, a memory might even start a fire. Those slow burning embers just might be rekindled, huh?

Be crazy, be slutty, be daring, be dirty cause they'll remember it longer than they'll remember you in your bathrobe, hair all screwed up. They'll recall the good times more than the bad, if... "You Blow Their Mind!"

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B