Mixed Signals???

New Staff Advisor, Xmichra, answers the question...

This was sent to Aunt Babz via email...

Hi !

I play soccer, and I’m in big trouble with one of the girls. It started about 6 months ago. She helped me out during practice, told me to “go ahead and play, and not just walk”. I was walking because I was feeling really bad. I had lost a good friend of mine. I was waiting for December break to quit the team. Well, unfortunately this girl messed up my plans by telling me to “go ahead and play, and not just walk”. Then she helped me by telling me who to pass the ball to, where to run and so on…That really hit me as I had really not expected her to say that. She’s one of the most popular girl in the team and by far the best player of the premiere team. I’m not as popular, and used to be a substitute in the other team (the second one). Let alone that I was feeling desperate, and obviously not expecting anything good to happen in my life.

Then, weird stuff started happening. It seemed as if we copy each other on the field when we play against each other, like we have the same reactions at the same time. Sometimes, my leg would do something without my brain telling me to do so. On the same team, we would just understand each other. This usually doesn’t happen with people who don’t know each other. This scared me a lot as I had no clue to what is going on. I think it scared her too.

So from then on, we started looking at each other. She says I look at her. On my side, I accuse her. Stupid baby game that we are both unable to stop other than by just avoiding each other, which obviously hasn’t solved anything yet. What’s more is that I do have reasons to suspect things too because she is homosexual. And lucky me, her girlfriend is in the team. A couple times, it seems as she has been hitting on me. For instance, during a party, I had put my drink on the table. She came nearby to serve herself, and placed her body right in front of my drink. The only way I would be able to pick it up would have been by putting my hand right by her sex. Or else, she stays in front of the doorway when she knows I need to go through. Then she says, “Go ahead, you’re right, why don’t you bump into me while you’re at it?”. She also fowls me and then say she’s pleased of so doing. Lately, she’s been coming right by me to say that it doesn’t smell good, and laughs with her friends. This confuses me a lot, and hurts me because at the time she had started off by being nice to me. I had really appreciated her help. I am still very thankful.

Could you help me figure out why this girl is acting this way and what to do about it?

Thank you

Natalie 22yrs old

Dear Friend,

There are a few triggers for me here. And maybe it is from translation, but this does sound like a girl who wanted to help out a person who was feeling low. And then likely what happened was that you two were too much in sync.. and the girlfriend got jealous. And what do jealous people demand?? reasons not to be jealous.. which is why this girl likely gave the could shoulder afterward and was mean.

Basically, I would cut the friendship or what ever that was short. Obviously this girl has more drama in her life then you can contend with. BUT, if you were looking at her in that way... that loving way. Then maybe you need to do a little soul searching too. Maybe you were sending mixed signals... and maybe she got caught off guard. There really isn't anything to her being homosexual. Just because someone is gay doesn't mean they want to have sex with you. But flirting happens naturally, and if she was flirting (which I actually think that she was) and had thought originally that it was just for her and she thought that you were strait.. well if you started returning those looks, that could catch a girl off guard.

What to do now with the soccer?? Just keep playing and keep the valuable information and skill that this girl gave you. Eventually it will all wind down.. if you want it too. If you continue to try and make a relationship with this girl (either sexual or friendship) be prepared for a bumpy ride. Sounds like she has a lot of pressure having a girlfriend, being popular, and a good athlete. So you might end up totally brushed off. So just be prepared, and don't let it break you.

The Death of Aaron Hall; Commentary by Aunt Babz

I AM NOT A PREACHER
I had gone to Recovery Beach, a pleasant addictions recovery spot. It only works if you work it, they say and I believe it. If you want to recover from addiction, you need to get real and work on it. Recovery does not knock on your door, looking for you. Now, you must get up, go out and find it just like you did, your drug of choice. But that is not the point of this post/commentary.

There was a post about a guy who'd been beaten to death, in Indiana. The guy had supposedly "come on" to two teens. They beat him to death. The story is covered in, The Bloomington Alternative;

The 1998 hate-crime murder of Matthew Shepard in Wyoming is commonly invoked in comparison.

Thirty-five-year-old, 5-foot-4, 100-pound Aaron Hall was brutally beaten on April 12 for hours by two teens who have described the murder in chilling detail to police. Each says Hall precipitated the violence by making a homosexual suggestion.

There is also the gruesome details, published in the
Crothersville Times

I am grateful, not everyone is silent on this issue. Fellow bloggers Recovery Beach, Advance Indiana have written an expose' as well as The Daily Kos. This is all too much like the story of the beating death of Matthew Shepard. It just sickens and angers me. I will not hold my tongue or be silenced.This needs to be looked at sternly and the world needs to take a look in the mirror. Did you judge today?

Why people hate homosexual activity, stems from staunch Christian beliefs. This may seem like a blind or broad statement but it is true and the hate is bred through the groundwork, the very beliefs, rooted deep in Christianity. Without delving too deep, into that issue, I will make this additional, broad statement; If this is what Christianity represents, I want nothing to do with it. But I call myself a "Spiritual" person, for this very reason. I want nothing to do with the heretics or politics of old religion.

Would Christ, himself, teach people to beat, kill and maim someone because they are homosexual? No, he would not and he'd tell you, "Those among you, who are free of sin, cast the first stone." I've yet to meet anyone, who could actually lob a stone. Now, before you say anything, let me make myself clear on this. God does not like "Deviant Behavior." I do not believe that God has a problem with homosexuality, in itself but deviant behavior, is His issue.

It is just as wrong for a heterosexuals to go out on a Friday night, on a mission to "get laid" with somebody, anybody and take them home for a one night stand. This is just as much sin as it is for a homosexual on that same mission.

I firmly believe that God knows our hearts and our intention. A man/woman who is attracted to the same sex, is hardwired this way, it is as natural, his/her attraction to the same sex, as breathing. It is, as natural to them, as you, attracted to the opposite sex. If she/he loves in a monogamous relationship, I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. It is the dirty, deviant, slutty, irresponsible people, who I believe God has a problem with. I was one of them.

These teachings, founded in Christianity, are fueling, this homophobic behavior. When we concentrate on pointing out others, "supposed" defects with no tolerance and teaching hate, we have a bigger problem, than any war. We must look at this and what we are teaching our children. Did they hear you say," I hate those faggots"? Where did they learn this?

It is not my goal to turn people away from their religion. No, it's exactly the opposite; I want you to believe in a Higher Power and have a true relationship, as I do, with your creator. I would be lost. My goal is to make people aware of how things and teachings have been twisted by man. We have taken what we choose to believe, concerning all things, the bits and pieces and not the whole context of the message.

What was Christ's message, to us, his words to live by?

I think the most important message he projected was to treat each other, as we want to be treated. "Do unto others, as you would have done to you." This is Kindergarten stuff people. It's so basic. And it's shocking, to me, the very fact that you do not follow these words. The biggest sin, the most heinous act is to twist the words of the father for your own personal gain, to be right at all costs. If you are Christian but can not follow this simple lifestyle, of treating people, how you want to be treated, you need to re-evaluate yourselves and your sacred doctrines.

If you do not understand someone's lifestyle DO NOT JUDGE, lest you be judged. Pray for them, if you think they are wrong. pray for your own understanding, compassion and pray that one of you, whomever, has their eyes opened to the truth. But put that pointing finger away.


What happened to this young man, is unacceptable and we need to look at it. We need to think, just what he went through, in the guise of ridding our world of homosexual behavior. We need accountability in this incident and we need to realize that what we are teaching our children, what is uttered in the privacy of our own homes, needs to be evaluated. Your children hear your comments. They take on your beliefs. There were, what three boys, involved in this incident, this man's death? My point is that, all three of those young men, in separate homes, were taught this hate. Three, in one town, a typical American town, at that. How many more people or towns, like this one, are out there?

It all comes back to the Church and parenting. What are we teaching our children? This is appalling. "God Don't Like Ugly." Are we raising ugly and hateful children because we are ugly and hateful, in the name of our religion, values and beliefs? If this is you, God help you!

Matthew Shepard Foundation

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