You Want to Do What With $58 Million???

Commentary by Aunt B

And the Headline reads...
Government to condemn land for Flight 93 memorial


PITTSBURGH — The government will begin taking land from seven property owners so that the Flight 93 memorial can be built in time for the 10th anniversary of the 2001 terrorist attacks, the National Park Service said.

Read the Rest...

Commentary by Aunt B...

We did it to the Native Americans and you'd think by now we'd have matured enough not to do it again. Now, the Government is going to take land for a memorial for Flight 93.

I imagine if I owned land and the Government was trying to hand me a song and dance, you know less than the value for my land, I'd be pissed and would stall too. Yes, I'd probably hold out, calling their bluff...but it has backfired, I do believe.

They will now take the land they want, unless I'm not catching on to the exact thinking and reasoning in this whole affair. And it's deplorable, sad and out and out outrageous.

In the first place, I will allow you to call me an asshole but I could never ever condone and sign my name to spending and I quote;

The seven property owners own about 500 acres still needed for what will ultimately be a $58 million, 2,200-acre permanent memorial and national park at the crash site near Shanksville, about 60 miles southeast of Pittsburgh.


Yea, call me an asshole, whatever but I could never spend that kind of money knowing that, in this economy when you have people living in tent cities, barely making it with that little bit of food stamps, having to send your kids to school to get the free breakfast and lunch, seniors barely able to make it and I could go on till the flippin cows came home, how in the hell can you justify spending $58 million dollars on a memorial? I have a heart but damn, it is insanity at it's finest. Please explain it to me?

I read the news every morning. At least, at the very least, once a week, I read of someone who has killed his family and then himself because he's lost his job and about to lose his home. I read of another drug bust of some young kid and...

MTV, I hold you in contempt, oh yes I do. You've lied to our youth and you've single handedly caused the down fall of thousands of young men, especially young black men.

"OMG Babz, what in the hell did you just say???"

This is my blog and I will say what I damn well please and hopefully speak the truth. And And And don't f*n tell me I don't know what I'm talking about. Let me tell you, I lived for several years in Garfield and East Liberty, right in the ghetto's of Pittsburgh. If that's not enough for you, I also lived in "Crack Hill," and "The Bottom" in Fredericksburg, Virginia, again, for years. Not enough? I lived around and scored my drugs in the ghetto's in 5 States. I have an educated opinion and have been in the trenches.

It's hard for anyone to get a job, not to mention young uneducated black men who already have one strike against them because of their color. They are brought up with the mindset that because they are black they'll have no chance in hell to make it in this world. But look at Obama, would ya please?

They spend a good portion of the day watching MTV and they see all the Brothers with their Bling, their fast cars and their faster women. And they begin to believe that it is the definition of a successful black man, a for real Gangsta. No, you ain't shit if you don't have it; It being the clothes, the shoes, the jewelry to say the least.

MTV's shows like "Cribs" are good on one hand as they show what you can have if you can achieve, usually as a Rapper. But video's set the standard. They are the catalyst, especially the ones that show life in the hood and how it's supposed to be.

So how does a young black man get all that stuff when he can't even get a job? He sells drugs, that's what. And the examples that are set are of living a "Thug Life", especially from video's where Gangsta Rap are concerned. And it's living a lie.

If you think I'm wrong, allow me to remind you that there are more black men in Prison for drug sales than just about anything else. If it's not for drug sales, it's for what I fondly call, "Crimes to Sustain."

Are you wondering what I'm talking about when I say "Crimes to Sustain"? It is a crime that is done to get what you have and I don't, what you have that I want to sell and sustain me or my lifestyle.

Go ahead, ask a black man why he's in prison and it's usually because he wanted a certain lifestyle he couldn't get any other way...or so he thought and was taught. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having a desire to dress nicely and I believe you should dress for success. But dirty deeds will never be rewarded. Crime does pay but only for a minute. Why doesn't MTV teach that?

Why don't the video's show how it looks as they make you spread your cheeks and cough? Why don't the video's show how fucked up it feels to have to stand naked in a group when they do a Shakedown in Prison? And you ain't going to get to wear your bling in there when you become just another inmate who believed the hype, the lies and alibi's.


The Answer; An Incentive to Excel

$58 million dollars is a lot of money and so much good could be done with it. In memory of those that have died, those that were heroic that day, why not set up scholarships and grants that just might give someone, specifically minorities, a whole life of help. It's like the old adage, "Give a man a fish and he eats well for a day. Teach him to fish and he eats well all of his days," or something like that?

Yes, that's a whole lotta love that could be spread, $58 million. For those that face life heroically every day living in the ghetto's all across America, why not give them incentive to excel. I don't mean little $1000 scholarships, I mean send them to school; College, Universities, Vocational, all expenses paid.

Blacks across America are doing and behaving, going to prison for and paying the price of and for a mindset of little to no choices. The funny thing is that this could be changed with this incentive to excel. But it must start at home, in school and when the child is young. He's got to have a plausible dream, an attainable goal.

If a parent knows that they have a golden carrot, an opportunity afforded their children, they just might teach them that they have a chance. Right now misery and pain, seem to be passed down generation to generation. It's predisposition, a precursor for disaster, over and over. This could be changed...

Knowledge is power. The implication of it all, the proposition of it in it's entirety is endless. For a parent to be able to teach and tell their children that if he/she works very hard at getting good grades and staying in school, that they will have an amount of money set aside for them, specifically $58 million dollars, it will make a difference.

Do you even realize the difference this would/could make? Might you even surmise what a difference even half of that allocated money could do to really help? Let me just put it into perspective for you; Your crime rate will go down, the prison system will not be as over loaded as it is, your world as well as theirs will be a better place.

If I can see this, why can't they?

Easy Dynamic

With Aunt B's Answer

Dear Aunt B,

On your website you said nothing is taboo and that's why I will feel a bit more comfortable telling you this. I'm a 26 year old woman. I have a close knit family whom I love very much. I have an uncle who was in prison for 18 years that we as a family would go visit every weekend for years. We had a very good relationship during those years. He was released two years ago and our relationship has changed. Last October, our relationship turned sexual and has been that way since then. He would send me texts saying how he wanted to have sex with me since I was 16. At first I thought it was a crazy joke, he was in prison a long time. That started in March. Now let me say I thought the world of my uncle when I was 16. He always talked to me and gave me advice and listened to me. My father wasn't around so he was the next best thing but better because I could talk to him about things I couldn't with my mother. I never knew he felt that way about me. I admit I got curious after a while but I never really thought it would happen. When it first started it was just sex, but me like a dummy started to have feelings 5 months in. I told him I wanted to stop because of that and he ignored it. Him and I both have had other partners him a lot more than me I'm sure. He tells me I'm better than his other ladies. He gets jealous when I mention another man. He tells me that I'm perfect and that if our situation was different he would marry me. He gets butterflies when he sees me. He loves holding me. Now another woman is pregnant by him and it hurts me. I've been in this situation where I was cheated on and the other woman got pregnant three times before. I got really upset. We weren't exactly careful and if it wasn't for plan B I would b pregnant by him. He tells me he doesn't want to stop. He even asked me if I wanted a baby and said he loved me one time since I found out. Now I know that his words are BS but I guess it wore me down after all this time and I feel stupid for allowing myself to have feelings for him. I don't know where they came from. I don't understand why he wanted me in this way. I certainly didn't plan on this. It really was just sex in the beginning and I didn't want or ask for anything beyond that. But he keeps coming up with these type of comments. Even though I feel like I'm in love with him, which sounds completely insane, I understand there is no good coming out of this situation especially for me. I want help with how to push emotion to the side and get out of this situation. Signed, Going Crazy Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Dear Reader,

In the interest of helping you, really helping you, I need to tell you that you need to seek a professional for the resolve to your question. Not because you are crazy, but because you will need to talk this out for awhile before you can feel that you have fixed this situation. You are right, this is a complicated situation, and one that I feel shouldn’t be answered in a quick gut answer format.

I can tell you what *I* would do. So I am telling you to please get help from a professional. You do need it. There are so many things at work in this one small glimpse of your story.

I will go into this, a little, because I am afraid that you will not seek help. I am afraid you will not seek help for fear of judgment of *who* the man is, and having the rest of your feelings cast aside because of it. And I know there are plenty of professional people out there who get a bad rap, but a good one worth their salt, wouldn’t make you feel that way at all. A good therapist will address the whole of this situation, and go through all your feelings and how to overcome them. So please, again, do seek help.

It doesn’t sound insane to me that you feel that you are in love with this man. It actually makes total sense that you think you feel this way. It makes sense that you are feeling betrayed. It makes sense that you are feeling cast aside. It makes sense that you are angry. Do not feel stupid, you are making sense. Regardless of *who* the guy is, anyone would feel angry and be asking exactly what you have been asking.

The problem that I see is that he has preyed upon you since you were very young, and he will continue to do so. I am sorry to hear this story, and even sorrier for the pain this will cause you. But you need to step away, and you need to get help. Have you told your parents about all this? I am guessing not given the circumstances. I am not sure if saying anything to them right now would be helpful, because I don’t know your parents. But if they are close to you (as you have indicated) and you trust them, I would suggest that you tell them and let them help you through all of this. You will need support.

Your situation isn’t the type where there is a simple solution. If I could have a piece of simplicity, I would encourage you to move on and forget this guy because he doesn’t love you. And I really wish it were that simple. But, I know it isn’t because of the nature of your relationship and the length of time this has evolved. So, again, I implore you to stop what you are doing all together with this man, and get help.

I wish I could answer this for you, and I wish that it were an easy dynamic. If you need help to seek a professional, please let us know (we will keep that off site).

~Xmichra.

With Aunt B's Answer

Dear Going Crazy,

I am "tickled pink" that you wrote us as we appreciate our readers as well as those that ask the many questions that we get. You're right; Nothing Is Taboo and we will discuss anything, if it is a serious question. What I mean by this is if someone truly wants an answer to a heart felt question and sometimes even that is debatable, we will try to accommodate them by answering as best as we can.

I do believe you are already aware of the "Social Stigma"that may be associated with your relationship with your Uncle. For all intent and purpose, some may even refer to it as Incest. And if you don't mind, I'll ask you to click on that link I just provided for you, for that particular word.You may then come to your own conclusion/resolution as to the definition of your situation.

Putting all this aside, even the nature of the your possible blood relationship, well, I have bigger fish to fry here. What I mean by this is rather plain and simple;

Your Uncle, I believe is using you in the name of love.

Now, you may write me after you've examined all of this and "read me the riot act" but I'd be willing to wager, you have some real *self-esteem issues. Yes, I'd also be willing to bet you are a bit over weight, feel rather ugly and have been very hard on yourself, most of your God given life. And I want it to stop...right here and right now. Yep, you damn skippy, I can see you and I do know.

You have such urgency to be loved and desired, (which are all normal human needs), that you are willing to put aside all the red flags, all the, shall I dare say; Wrong that has been done to you. And I'm asking you to slow down and take a long, hard look at how you've allowed yourself to be treated.

You are in good company when it comes to what people, even and including myself, well, just what we will do for love. And it's all a matter of what we may choose to endure in the "name of love."

I'm sorry to tell you, that although I do firmly believe that your Uncle has feelings for you, I also unflinchingly believe he's been leading you astray and feeding you a line in order to have sex with you. Now, you can lie to yourself and/or sugar coat it all day long but I tell you all this because I want you to wake up and see the devastation this man has effected.

What Can You Do???

For starters, I want you to begin to assess your own, hidden self worth. It's not hidden from the world just from you, apparently, when you look in the mirror. I think you may have forgotten what a wonderful personality as well as sense of humor you possess. The absolute best attribute you are blessed with is that undeniable "twinkle" in your eyes, especially when you are in a playful mood. You've not been playful as of late and that's a shame. The spring in your step
has sprung. Hasn't it?

I'd like to see you get your sense of self back. That playfulness that I spoke of will come back the sooner you see how wrong it was for your Uncle to do this to you. Yes, I said "do this" because you have been a victim of a man who took advantage of and did what it took to bed down a damsel in distress, someone who just wants to be loved.

Your answer, the beginning lies in you seeing all of this, peering into the looking glass with the realization that it is all as simple as you seeing yourself again, for the first time. Somewhat a riddle, I promise you that if you would ingest all that I have prescribed to you,

"He will come along. And he will tell you that 'you have the most beautiful eyes he's ever seen'." (Bedroom Eyes)

Keeping It Real,

Aunt B


*Further Reading on Self Esteem;

Self Esteem - The Problem Behind All Problems
by Asoka Selvarajah, Ph.D

How Can I Improve My Self Esteem?
Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD

"Spiraling"

Dear Aunt B,

Hi, I'm writing you this email for advice. I've nearly talked all my friends' ears off and don't really feel I can go to them anymore.

It's about a guy. We've been dating since September, but broke up in January when he found out he's going to Afganistan. I didn't want to lead him on to think that I would wait for him. But we've been kind of seeing eachother since then anyway. Well in April, he broke it off with me again, but we had been going back and forth so much that I didn't know if it would last. Then I find out he's married (on myspace no less). He had mentioned something about getting married a couple months back for security reasons while he's over in Afganistan. So I obviously get really upset and tell him I don't want to talk to him ever again. Well I can't stand the thought of not talking to him so we break the silence, but we just start fighting about what he was thinking so we choose to stop talking again. So then I get the bright idea to email his wife, just to have her pass it on to him that I did love him and that I don't want to have any harsh feelings toward either of them. Because, to my knowledge they're just friends that are married for these circumstances. Well she emails me back this really nasty response saying that I have no right to email her and that she merely "tolerates" the women that he dates and all this stuff. So I vow to remove myself from all that drama. But later he texts me saying he wants this to be an impartial breakup and that we shouldn't hate eachother. But how am I not supposed to hate him? Am I wrong? Did I deserve all this? And I know it's my fault for looking, but there are now all kinds of pictures of them kissing on myspace and I'm even wondering if he was cheating on me with her the whole time.

I'm totally lost.

Thanks.

Dear Reader,

I can see why your friends would be tired of hearing about this, I imagine with all these months of going back and forth with this guy it must have been very frustrating for you, and you would have tried to make sense out of it regularly.

Okay, there are a lot of questions I kinda wish I knew the answers too. But regardless of that, i am pretty sure my advice would be the same, given this outline. You have three questions here, and a statement that you need clarified to move on. So I will try and answer them as I see it.

How are you not supposed to hate him – well. This one comes from within you. You have a choice to hate him for the drama, or the choice to forgive and forget the drama and move on. Honestly though, I would cut ties all together now. He is married, it was made clear that the relationship isn’t purely friendship, don’t involve yourself with that. It will make things worse for you, guaranteed.

Are you wrong to hate him – yes and no. It’s not wrong to hate things that have happened, we all get like that. Things don’t *go* our way, and we get mad. It happens. But, to let it eat away at you, that is doing you a grave disservice. What happened has happened, you can’t change it. Move on.

Did you deserve this - what is “this”? I want you to answer that question first. Define *this*. Deserve is a strong word to use regardless of the situation though. Generally speaking, no you didn’t deserve to feel the way you are now, which is lost. No one deserves to feel like that. But often we are lost because we have made choices in the past which when we look back, haven’t made our lives any easier. Looking back, you see that writing to his wife was really not a good idea. You know it was wrong, and you regret it. Regret is much different than deserve, and the sooner you figure that out, the less pain you will find yourself in. You can regret something, learn from it, and move forward. If you stay in the mode of * I deserve to be unhappy because of this*, you will never get back to life. And your life deserves better then that.

And the statement – you wonder if he was cheating on you the whole time. I want you to really think about if you need the answer to this. Would it help you in any way? Does it really matter? I don’t think it would, and you will continue to drive yourself crazy if you keep looking at the MySpace page, and calling and texting, etc etc.

My advice to you, is move on. It will be hard to do because you care about this guy, even through all the ups and downs, you care. You are hurt that he chose to get married and have a relationship that is deemed rather serious, and didn’t hold out for you. There is no shame in that feeling, it is totally acceptable. But now that you know why you are upset, and you know that he is married, you need to move on. You need to take this as a learning experience, as cold as that might sound, and live your life without this guy. Erase the MySpace page. Delete the e-mail. Get rid of all of that. It is behind you, and you do not need to go through it over and over and over. Doing this is what is called “spiraling”, where you keep dwelling and spiraling down into unhappiness because of events that will not change. There is no changing the past, only the future. GO and live your life! Leave this behind you.

You DESERVE better.

~Xmichra.